Episode: 8
The Love Episode – Holding Space, Healing, and Building a Life Together
With Layne Beachley, Tess and Chris Brouwer
Listen on:
How do you truly hold space for someone you love?
In this tender and honest episode, Tess and Layne invite Tess’s husband Chris into the studio to unpack something most of us were never taught how to do: truly holding space for someone you love.
Tess shares the story of meeting Chris after her accident, at a time when her identity felt shattered and she was still rebuilding her sense of self. Chris talks about what he saw that day in the pub at the rehab reunion, why her kindness to the “quad squad” caught his eye, and how a single hug felt like coming home for them both.
They walk through the early stages of their love story: deep late night FaceTime calls during lockdown, Chris asking Tess to tell him her trauma story from beginning to end, and the flowers that arrived the next morning with a simple message: “Holding space for you.” Along the way, Chris opens up about his own trauma around female emotion, how that shaped his early reactions, and what it took to unlearn the urge to shut down or fix.
Together they explore what it really means to sit in discomfort instead of rushing to solutions, why so many couples get stuck in the drama triangle, and how curiosity, breath and a learner mindset can transform conflict into connection. This is a real, grounded look at partnership, not a fairy tale. You will hear the missteps as well as the magic.
If you have ever thought, “I do not know what to say right now,” or “I want to help but I just keep making it worse,” this conversation will feel like a guide and a mirror.
What you will learn
- What it practically looks like to “hold space” for someone, instead of fixing, coaching or shutting down
- Why many men are wired to avoid or control emotion, and how Chris learned to stay instead of escape
- How past trauma, especially in families, can shape the way you react to your partner’s feelings
- The difference between the drama triangle (victim, rescuer, persecutor) and a growth triangle based on listening and acceptance
- Simple language you can use in hard moments, like “Do you want a solution or a shoulder” and “I do not know what to say, but I am here”
- Why having your own therapist or support is essential if you want a healthy relationship
- How a shared commitment to “always grow ourselves” keeps Tess and Chris aligned, even when it is messy
5 Key takeaways
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Holding Space Starts With One Breath, Not One Fix Chris shares that his old pattern was to shut down or jump straight into solution mode when faced with big emotion. Now he consciously pauses, takes a breath and asks himself how he wants to respond, instead of reacting from habit. That tiny pause creates room for empathy instead of control.
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Trying To Fix Someone Keeps You Both Stuck in Drama Layne explains the drama triangle. The moment you see your partner as broken and yourself as the rescuer, you lock in a cycle of victim, rescuer and persecutor. Holding space means stepping out of that triangle, listening without trying to fix, and trusting that feeling with someone is often the medicine.
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It Is Okay To Say “I Do Not Know What To Say” Tess describes a moment where Chris was struggling and she felt paralysed, aware he did not want solutions. Instead of faking it, she told him the truth: “I do not know what to say right now.” Chris names that as real holding space. Honesty plus presence beats perfect advice every time.
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Safety and Being Seen Are The Real Love Story From the first hug that felt like “coming home” to the flowers that arrived with “Holding space for you,” Tess realised love is not about hiding the broken parts. It is about being seen in your trauma, your fear and your mess, and discovering that the person stays. That safety is what allowed her to move to Maitland, build a blended family and rebuild her life.
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Strong Relationships Are Built On Inner Work, Not Wishful Thinking In their wedding vows, Tess and Chris promised to always work on themselves, not just each other. That means regular therapy, permission to call in support and a shared agreement that growth is part of the relationship. Chris describes his core posture as “a learner” who kneels, stays curious and lets empathy lead. When both people are committed to their own growth, the relationship has room to evolve too.
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Disclaimer
The A Wake Up Call podcast is created for general informational, educational, and inspirational purposes only. The stories, tools, and insights shared are designed to support your wellbeing journey - not to replace professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. In fact, we believe therapy is non-negotiable in life.
If you’re experiencing a medical or mental health condition, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare professional. Never ignore or delay seeking professional advice because of something you’ve heard on this podcast.
Your wellbeing matters. Take care of yourself, stay curious, and remember the real wake-up call is listening to what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
