We Went Viral. Then We Read the Comments.

A few weeks ago, we posted a 49 second clip from our podcast and we thought we were sharing a conversation about performance and what it was like to be a performer. a condition that didn't really suit you right, LB. Instead, what happened was is it went viral and it started a conversation that we didn't like. So, it reached over 400,000 people very quickly. It generated over 41,000 likes, 2,000 shares, over 2,000 saves, and almost 200 comments, which is actually not a lot considering how much traction it got. But the comments became a social experiment that revealed far more about where humans are right now, about identity, about leadership, about gender hate of each other, and way more than what it was like to be a surfer in the 90s. Yeah, way more than was intended. Yeah. So today, we turned off the comments because it was starting to get out of control. We took back our power in that, but LB, what surprised you the most when I rang you and said, hey, this is starting to take a little bit of a turn?

And it was taken so far out of context, which is the danger of sharing such short clips. True. So for context, what were you hoping to get across to people? The intention was to highlight actually how far we've come because it started in a way like... Surfing started. Surfing, the pro tour when I joined in the 90s. And what I really wanted to highlight was just how much progression we had made and how so many people were integral in that progression. So my predecessors, they did it tougher than I did, both men and women. But my experience was just through my lens as a woman in a very male-dominated environment of professional surfing. So it was to highlight the fact that, yes, it was tough and we felt short-handed and we felt disrespected and unheard and devalued. But over time, we've now landed at a moment where I am so grateful for where women surfing is today.

And I'm so grateful that the predecessors that paved the way for me handed me the baton to then change the landscape and shift the needle. And then I was able to hand that baton to the current generation, like Stephanie Gilmour and Sally Fitzgibbons and Tyler Wright, who have then gone on to shape women surfing to where it is today. And I feel like surfing and pay equity has enabled other sports to take that on. And you guys have seen that in so many ways now as people come to you to say, well, how did you do it? Or what conversations that you had? So it was really a catalyst for change. It was a catalyst for change, exactly. One of the pieces of feedback that was on there is, so we, on that post alone, and I looked at the statistics, 90% of people who viewed that post were women, and 10% were men, which is probably why the men were going really hard against women, and The women were sort of piling on and going again. So it became like a- No, we weren't. I wasn't man bashing and stuff. You weren't. You weren't. And one of the call outs was, oh, you're just a victim. Well, look, I was, yes, back then. Well, but not because of that. I was a victim of my own circumstances. I was a victim of my own mindset.

Another one that talked about, that wasn't just happening back then, it's happening This is still happening. This misogynistic (expletive) show is happening in corporate Australia today, where as soon as a business starts going down, they send in a female CEO so that they can blame it on her. These are some of the light ones, by the way. Men are generally naturally superior humans. That's why we have to give men the better conditions and the better training. I think the better conditions and training are what makes men better. So it started to take, and I'm reading it with my tone, of course, but it was just such an interesting way that we started to see this gender debate to come out. How can two people hear exactly the same words and leave with so many different stories?

All of that changes the narrative or the lens that we put over a piece of social content and we go, that's (expletive), or I agree with that based on what I believe or what I've experienced. I will agree or disagree and this is why and let me tell you why. Yeah. And I feel to what it triggered was equality. Right. And we have, there's been so many times, like we've come so far from not letting women into certain bars and places, but there really is a bit of an undercurrent of men versus women that has swung. So it was men against women, so you're not allowed into a space, then it became women against men, so we pile on and bash them in, and now we're trying to come back to a medium line. Yeah, we go to extremes to find out who it is. But people do have trauma around it, and rightly so.

There has been so many instances, and still are, particularly in other countries, where women are not the superior race, even though we birth the babies. I know. Yeah. Even though they're not allowed to drive, they're not allowed to get an education, they're not allowed to do anything. Yeah. No, this still happens. And that is like an insecurity that witches burnt at the stake for having an intuition and being a woman. So we do have a long way to go. So some of the comments in there were people defending their identity. Yeah, they don't actually defend the facts, they defend their own identity. No, men are the problem, women play the victim card. Some women deserve these opportunities over men, like they should need to prove themselves. Yes, there's an element of truth in that too. I mean, we see that in the corporate world where there's women who have struggled so hard to get to the top and then make it harder for the women following them.

Yeah, which is a bit of a scarcity mentality. Because when we look at the scarcity mentality, it is if there's only a certain number of seats at the table and most of them go to men and you've got one or two for women, fighting for their way there. That's true. And I've experienced that so many times. And I also believe that there's a bit of a confirmation bias that fuels that behaviour as well, because a lot of men actually are very encouraging and supportive of women, but just actually haven't thought of putting a woman into the seat or elevating a woman into the role. And then you bring it to their attention. Oh, yeah, actually. If you just challenge their way of thinking, not through a scarcity mentality or forcefulness or assertion, but just like, have you thought of, or do we need to consider, or shall we think of it in a different way, then you challenge that notion of the confirmation bias and just the same odd, oh, that we just keep going back to what we know. We've just got that black book of men in our lives, so we'll just keep doing that. It just becomes this consistent theme that's just easy. It's comfortable. And it's comfortable, yep. Two of the greatest insights I had came from this year's International Women's Day. The first is that a business with a senior leadership and board team that has over, I think, 30% women make 25% more profit.

If you want to change something, you actually have to bring it to the fore and that makes people uncomfortable. Yeah. So for all the men listening in the room, don't teach us how to surf, show us where the best waves are. Yeah. Invite me. Invite me to the best waves. Yeah, exactly. So if a man had said that clip, what do you think the commentary would have been then? It was a man saying, I deserve a lot. It was a feminist (expletive) show. And if the waves were (expletive), we would say send the men out. Send the blokes out. I cannot even imagine a man actually ever saying that. It's impossible. Because it's not something that they've had to deal with. Let's be honest. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm sure that there's instances like, I think about this in my own home because Because I'm the mother, I believe and I know that I have the last say in what care Benji needs. Oh, okay. Because I know that there's a part of my DNA that's in him and him in me and I have this belief. It's not necessarily true because there are times where Chris does know more than I do, but it takes me a lot to get there. But it causes great friction that I know best. But I do believe that a mother knows best. Of course.

And I think that's where we get the role reversal at home, where the men are disregarded in the care of their own children. What do we call that? What's the term? Tagamum. No. No, there's a term that encapsulates when men feel like they've been ... Emasculated. Yeah, emasculated. Yeah. Yeah. That's the menopause brain. I knew it, but the word just disappeared. It's a menopause. It's a menopause moment. It's a menopause and a menopause. I feel emasculated. I want to address something which I have questioned once before in my career, particularly working in sports sponsorship, was the question, men get paid more because they get more views, which is true and has been true for a while because they draw in bigger audiences, which draw in bigger advertising spend.

then it's very easy to defend. And perhaps women, especially women who have chosen to have children while they're competing, have to make even bigger investments into family, time, energy, training, preparation, travel. Everything gets bigger and harder. Serena Williams would train just as much as Djokovic, if not more. The flights don't cost less because she's a woman. All the costs that go into getting to an event aren't less just because she's a female. So if you think about it from that point of view, then why can't they get pay equity? I know that the biggest issue in tennis is the, or the biggest discussion is that men play five and women play three. I'm sure women play five if they got the chance. If they had the chance. But from a surfing point of view, it took, well, 2018 is when they announced pay equity, 2019 is when it came into effect, and I don't think it came just down to views.

I think of course it comes down to visibility, opportunity, resources, investments, depth of talent, all accessibility, all of those things. There's a lot that goes into establishing equality in an environment, and it does take time. And I think one of my biggest challenges, especially when I was on the board of the days, P for 15 years. I was impetuous about it. I had a very clear vision, but I wasn't very clear in articulating it, and I wasn't very clear in communicating in a way that was collaborative. I was just like, you get me there now. You spoke to them like a man would. You cut the (expletive). Oh, no. Yeah, maybe. LB does it. So, the more you invest in the preparation and the performance, the better you become. Yes, 100%. Yeah.

Yeah. And you'd be more exciting to watch. You'd be way more fun to watch. And then you might get prime time. And you'll be less stressed. You'll be less intense. You'll, yeah. I mean, if I had more time to invest in all of the things that made me a good athlete, such as hydration, nutrition, sleep, rest recovery protocols. I mean, there was none of that. There was no duty of care. And you know what's so fascinating from a brand perspective is that women sell more products. Yes, we do. We are the main. We buy more products. We buy more products. It's like 80% pay. We control 80% of the budget because we're buying everything for home. And when you think about that from a sponsorship perspective and in advertising and views, it's so important that the female buyer is spoken to, yet most ads talk to a man. And look, this is changing, but it also isn't. Yeah. And I think about, I have a real

Like how is it that they were struggling with performance because they were struggling with the time and the focus? And he stood up and said, one, I can't believe I'm the only man in the room. And two, I can't believe that this is the first time I'm hearing this. Like in a room that was brought to me by an external party to support his wife at the time. So it wasn't the soccer ruse on the panel, it was the Matildas on the panel. We have a quick favour to ask. If this podcast has been landing for you, please hit subscribe and leave us a rating or review. It helps us grow the show and keep bringing these conversations to more people. In the room was the Matildas, the Southern Stars, the Australian female cricket team, so a representative of multi-different sports. And Michael Clark, the Australian cricket captain, Men's, was saying that this was the first time he heard of the struggles of female sport, which is, I mean, you can call (expletive) on that. But it was the first time that he sat down and it hit him.

It's astounding to have some... I mean, firstly, thank you for being in the room. Secondly, thank you, Michael, for standing up and saying, I haven't heard this before. Yeah, we need to do better. We need to do better. We need to do more. So our assumptions kill us from understanding this. So because we struggle not only in silence but also overtly, and we expect people to see it and do something about it, but then we don't want to complain about it because otherwise you get called the victim and you're just a whiny little bitch. Or the noisy one or the little bitch, yeah. Or you've been (expletive) emotional, stop banging your hands on the table, this is a whiny little girl. She's on her period, she's having a bad day. She's in menopause, don't go near it. Actually, I was talking to someone about this the other day and I was like, you had to show up at work in a bikini, even if you were menstruating. The worst thing was when you got your period at the contest site and then start going around with the girl. Anyone got a tampon? Oh, that'd be so. Anyone? And your performance really does lag. Right? And you have to perform in all conditions. All conditions, all days, no matter what. See, yeah, maybe we do need more money in women's sport, not just for that reason only.

Well, we need more compassion, investment, resources, understanding. We need a lot more into women's sport. The good thing is that what Shannon reinforced to me when we were speaking is that when the World Cup of Soccer was on in Australia and she landed here and walked into the airport, she knew the World Cup of Women's Soccer was on. Yes.

As opposed to at seven o'clock, the one show would come on and the family would watch it together. That is what I felt all sport does, but particularly when the Matildas were playing, it's like the family was getting behind them. Matilda fever. I got sucked into Matilda. And it was beautiful. I went out to dinner and there was at a really high-end restaurant and everyone had their phone down. Oh, really? And there were some people, I mean, we were like, don't tell us because I wanted to watch it properly. But there was people cheering under the table and high-fiving and it was just such a special moment in sport and history. The point I wanted to land on in women's sport, and it's something I've only just started to understand and learn is, and a friend from England taught me this, in soccer, so football, men's sport over there has become really dog eat dog and there's a lot of people yelling at each other and there's a lot of sideline sport and you can just see it when you watch sport. People are yelling like, F you and miss it.

Well, we hear that in the rugby league as well. Rugby league, it's hard to bring your kids to. Mm-hmm. Because you don't want to... the kids start emulating that and start copying the racism. Get him on side ref! Yeah, five year old screaming at the ref. I heard a mother scream at another like player, get him, kill him, get him on the ground. And I thought, whoa, this is not for me. Like how did we get there? Yeah, it's gladiator battles. But women's sport doesn't have that. Maybe some netball teams. Maybe there are some sports. No, it's a lot more inclusive. It's a lot. They're embracing each other when you talk about the compassion. Well, look, mate, there are a couple of instances where I've heard mothers really get into it a little. Emotionally. But on a grand scale, when you think about those bigger sports like AFL, rugby league, and soccer, it's certainly not as pertinent or a knots word. It's certainly not as aggressive or overt as it is in this world. Let's put it all the way back to surfing again and recognising that the ocean doesn't discriminate, the people in it do, recognising that we all also have three fundamental desires or basic foundational truths that motivate us to keep doing what we do.

I'll put that into my predecessors, all my role models, my mentors, the world champions before me. Like they pave the way and make it okay and make it visible. And then the last thing is someone who believes in us. So I need to feel safe and supported and understood. So none of us have ever achieved greatness on our own. We've always had someone in our circle that's held us and dusted us off. But that someone is the governing body to give you more money, to create a condition that you can thrive in and just watch the performance grow, right? Exactly, 100%. So if you think about those three things, something to believe in, someone to believe in and someone who believes in me, if I reflect back on the tour in the 1990s, none of that existed. I didn't feel supported, but in actual fact, there were instances where, hang on, I'm going to contradict myself. So when I reflect back on the pro tour in the 1990s, if I think about these three needs, something to believe in, I needed to believe that professional surfing was a viable, professional opportunity to me.

So I had to keep seeking evidence of that, to withstand the rejection and challenges that we all faced, not just women, men and women. Secondly, when it came to someone to believe in, I just kept looking for mentors and allies. I didn't have heroes, I just had allies. So I found people who were basically a representation of what I wanted to be. And then creating those relationships helped me find someone who believes in me. When I articulate what my desires are and what I need, then I was able to create those connections with the likes of world champions like Pam Burridge, Wendy Boetha, Barton Lynch, Tom Carroll. Yeah. So they became the people who believed in me. That was your dream team. They were my dream team. And that's how you got out of, for the person who commented, the victim card. Exactly. And into the action card of Victor and took it on. Yeah, and so fortunately now, where we find women surfing, there's, you can't question any of those things.

Something to believe in, the pro tour is very heavily invested in, someone to believe in. Well, they're now turned into heroes and icons and role models, and someone who believes in them with the governing body and the sponsors believe in them as well. And the viewership. Exactly. It's going up and up and up because people are starting to see the talent and the difference in the talent as well. Exactly. It's not going to be the same view. Exactly right. It's something totally different, and that's the education. Yeah, yeah. And then exciting. So I think about also the industry, how when we started, there wasn't a women's surfing industry, but when I started getting to the later 90s and into the 2000s, the surfing industry exploded and they invested heavily in women's surfing. And we were the beneficiaries of that. And that made our experience a whole lot more enjoyable. And it also brought us all together because we were all thriving now in an environment where we felt at times undervalued and disrespected. So I'm really grateful that we were part of that time.

Yeah, and I feel from a brand perspective, more brands now are saying it shouldn't just be men or women's, it's just AFL. So once at AFL, you've got both teams because it's both teams play. And I think they're doing a really good job, particularly Katie Page at Harvey Norman is having a wonderful impact in that in women's sport, particularly to say it's, it is both genders. It's not just one or the other. Yeah, and they're heavily invested in grassroots. Yeah. So, I think what I would just like to flag, and we talk about the performance paradox and burnt out people are, you know, commenting. Hurt people hurt people. Hurt people hurt people is if you are going to be a troll, just check yourself before you wreck yourself. There's a lot of, there was a lot of negative feedback on there and they're pictured with their family, their dogs, their cats, like you're a truly visible person.

I wouldn't stand up for myself if I felt like I was being ridiculed, judged, criticized, and it's not who I am, it's not who I intentionally want to be, but that says more about the person ridiculing and judging me. So my advice to anyone who wants to engage on social media is ask yourself these three questions. Is it kind? Is it necessary? If it does, if you don't answer yes to all three, then it's not worth saying anything Yeah, and you can't win a battle in the comments. No, you're disengage Put your energy into your loved ones and you just be kind. Okay, so be anything The AI a do it for life toolkit so Practical tools when you get triggered by something on social media. Shall we go down that road? Yeah, let's do it Okay, number one, why am I triggered?

It's very validating and reassuring. It is, isn't it? I like the be curious mindset is if you can't fix it, just get curious. What can you do in your world to change it rather than commenting, liking, sharing, and... Yeah, don't get curious about the comment. Get curious about your response to it. Yeah. And always assume good intent when someone's sharing something deep to their heart. Like, if anyone really knew what you had been through, I think they would have a different opinion of that clip. So, do you have all the right information to make a 49 second clip? Something that can hurt you that bad, that you feel that you need to write that commentary. Well, and perhaps for the people who did leave some vitriol on the commentary, this is a question for you. Are you okay? Are you okay? Why did it trigger you? Because that's a deeper question that needs an answer to. There's no question. We're burnt out. We're tired. We've got a lot on. Please take it out.

Keyboard warriors. Yeah, keyboard. Take it out elsewhere. We all need a bit more love in the world. especially deep in the DMs. Yeah, go punch your pillow, not me. All right, Jane Teen, today's conversation truly was not about surfing, it was about how quickly we judge, how we fiercely defend our identity, what we're triggered about and how we can just be better humans because the world really does need kinder humans, particularly in the comments, but more so just out on the street. So if this resonated with you, if you know someone who watched the 49 second clip and they need a bit of a perspective snapshot, please send them this episode. Or don't. Just you. We're not here to shift your perspective. Go for a sir. Yeah, go. I'll see you in the waves. From us to you, June team, have a wonderful week. We'll see you next week. Toodles. Awake is a centre of human performance. So if you want to bring more energy, motivation and connection to your team, reach out to to us at wakeupatawakeacademy.com.au.