The Soul Map Episode: How to Reconnect When Life Looks Fine But Feels Off

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that too, right LB? 100% TB. So this is we'll dig into why mindset cannot fix a broken nervous system. The three layers of well-being that most people skip and how to rebuild in everyday life with for to find more energy, clarity and selfrust from the inside out and our personal toolkit that you can implement straight away. Welcome back dream team. We are Lane Beley and Tess Brower from Awake Academy and this is a wakeup call. This is a space where we share real conversations, lived and learned life lessons, and sciencebacked toolkits to help you be your best self and live your best life. So, this is a toolkit to know yourself and grow yourself, cuz that is what we're focused on. So, this toolkit is really about a soul framework. It helps you create a bit of a layered approach to well-being. It helps you connect within. Um, sometimes we just need a little bit of help and you can't go to a psychic, you can't go to a therapist. You just want that like who am I and what do I need to work on? And if you don't know who you are, you can't really create a life that you want. So, we're going to help you rebuild your life from the inside out.

they're on the edge of burnout, but they don't know what to do. I don't feel broken. I feel disconnected. I don't feel like I'm myself anymore. Look, that could be menopause, too. Yeah, that's true. You still need a bit of therapy in menopause, right? So, we've just reassuring you that you're not broken, that you don't need fixing. Perhaps you're just a little bit disconnected. Yeah. Quietly exhausted. For me, I'm like when I'm feeling disconnected from myself, I feel like I just feel fuzzy that like I'm just going with the motions. I'm ticking all the right boxes. I'm doing all of the things, but I'm not in my body. Y How does it show up for you? Oh, very similar to you, TB. I I feel disconnected from my heart. I don't I'm I'm disconnected from my soul. And even though similar to you, I'm doing all the right things, it's not nourishing me from the inside out. It's perhaps projection onto the world that I'm fine, that I'm good, I've got this, but deep down there's still that quiet knowing within me that says things aren't right for you right now. What are you going to do about it? Well, this is why we created the soul map because a lot of the times and we've reflected on this a few at a few key moments and heard from some beautiful minds in this space that it's when somebody sits down like, "Oh, you should read this book about this person who's done this incredible thing or you should." And you're like, I don't even have the time to right now to listen to a blinkist, let alone read a whole book. [laughter] [gasps] And then people say, oh, well, all you have to do is take this pill or do this routine or go to this gym. But it's really hard to change your mindset or your self set when you're you're doing all of the things, but you you don't know how to slow down and look within. And the thing is, as you're saying, there's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. And I find that when I'm feeling a little bit kind of I don't know disconnected um I perhaps overcompensate for that by trying to do more things. Yeah. Emotionally too like emotionally try and be there for everyone and everything. Yeah. I can't even be there for myself. So how can I show up for others? And that's what the soul map is a beautiful way of slowing everything down, helping you connect with what's really important to you, who you truly are, what nourishes you, and then how you can show

of a a look at your body, your physical body. How are you? Energy, not what you look like, not what your number is on the scale. There is none of that. It's really how are you feeling inside of yourself right now. M um I know that I've felt this in in you as like I've wanted to push you to do more or to you know to take on more work but you're like I'm just exhausted of more more more if one more person asks me to do one more thing you're going to

Yeah. But then also what's it going to cost me? And we very rarely think about the significant cost of saying yes to something. Yeah. Because we're consciously or perhaps we are con constantly focusing on what we're lacking. So it's coming from a scarcity mentality. So it's more about okay, I need that because and then you feel unsafe and then you feel like everything's coming at you all at once. You can't say no. You can't say yes. You get stuck in you get just stuck. Yeah. Decision fatigue. Yeah. I so resonate with that. Well, I I want to go a little bit deeper with you just for a second around that because you are running a business, running two businesses actually because you've got the AI one with your husband Chris. You're running a household. You have three stepkids, a toddler, you're running another toddler over here, my favorite toddler, managing me. [laughter] There's so many components to your life. And I'm sure who whoever's tuning into this can resonate with feeling like they've got all these cards out on a deck. How do you play that? Like how do you manage that? And how does the soul map help you do that better? It's a deep question and one that I'm on the quest of knowledge and power because I if I looked at all of those cards and imagined myself holding them up I would get quite fearful of that cuz there's a lot overwhelming overwhelming too much. So what I have learned on my soul discovery is that the first card that will hold everything up is my health and wellbeing my emotional regulation. the way I show up in my life and the way I cook, everything matters, everything comes down to how I'm feeling. So, I have to really focus on that on my recovery and my mental health and the way I eat and train and all of that. It starts with me. So, it's not about managing your time. It's about managing your energy. It's all my energy. And look, I I feel the push and the pull of being a loving, present, always on mom. Um, and I love being a wife. I love cooking food. I love being the one that puts dinner on the table and wakes everyone up to soft music and muffins. Like I would love to do that every day. Like I'm in the Brady B. Yeah, I know. But the other half of me is I love going to work. I love helping people help themselves. I love that element of drive, passion, and purpose. So I'm in this tension. and I'm in the season of life and I just if I put it all together in one day, that's when I fall apart. So, I have to work out like I still have to put food on the table, but it might be a lighter meal on the days where I've got a lot going on. So, take away it. Or not where I live. Um, it's just I feel like I'm constantly in this tension of what is the role I'm playing in this moment and how can I do it the best. And how does that tension show up in your body? Well, it means I need a lot of therapy.

yourself grace. Yeah, of course I wobble. Of course. And that's when I'm calling you and saying we need to pull back or whatever it is. But we need to hit pause. Yeah. I I have become ruthlessly um I'm unapologetic now for the way I need to look after my body and mind and soul. And the soul map shone a light on that cuz it was saying like you're doing all the right things but you're missing connection with loved ones. And that was so true. Like I felt that but I needed it reflected back to me. Yeah. Right. So you knew it but just Yeah. Maybe perhaps you'd convince yourself that that wasn't It's like you put dinner on the table and you show up, but you're not present. Yeah. Phone's on the table, TV's on. Yeah. Well, not in our house, but more like I It's more who's going to do the dishes tonight. Less how was your day? Like what was your high, what was your low? So, it was a really good one to What were you thinking about just how quickly you can get to bed that night? That's right. Yeah. Racing through. Yeah.

to think that I'm holding because it takes responsibility off everyone to hold themselves up. [laughter] I'm happy to hold everything. Yeah. So I um the minute that I realized that I was trying to control everyone and everything, that's when I learned that it was my control. It was make keeping people stuck. What was that realization like for you? Oh, it happens all of the time. It's like if I try and control you in meetings and events and things, you you pull back. Yeah. Um you can feel it. It doesn't necessarily need to be It's like a push pull of life. You try and send your kids out to go and do this course or see this person and they just look at you and go, "Yeah." And then get back on their phone. [laughter] You know, you've missed the mark. How does it show up for you? [gasps] Um, that's a really good question. I haven't even thought about it how it shows up for me. You probably see it in me more than I see it in myself. Yeah, I see I see someone who really wants to do everything all the time to keep everyone happy and to be your best. Um, and I think when you're out of alignment, you're running, you're trying to just please everyone. But when you're in control and embodied, you're commanding your diary, you're commanding your time and energy. So, it feels like a different energy.

biggest learning within the soul map was all about allowing space in my diary to not be filled. Yeah. Cuz I was so I'm so used to having every hour of every day filled with something by someone else. By someone else mostly. Yeah. And then actually now I'm realizing as I'm getting older that those moments of space creates safety, not urgency. Yeah. and trusting in that. And so now, like we when we talked in the the blame game podcast episode about there was a moment where I was blaming you for letting me down for having something in my diary that wasn't there. Yeah, I ruined your morning. You ruined my morning. As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize [music] my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micron Nutrition has an amazing product called sleep support. It has [music] three different types of magnesium powder and passion flour which just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do get as a mom. So visit micronutrition.com.au and use the [music] code awake 10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years and I've constantly been looking for something to help me create mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show [music] up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine, but [music] cortiseps, turkey tail, jinseng, ginko, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really natural good stuff and it's good for you. So, if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, wake up is your pill. You'll find it on our website [music] awakeacademy.com.au. That space that that cancellation of

say to me, we'll get on a Zoom and you'll be like, "Right, what are we doing today?" Yeah, I would love 2026 to be the year that you command your diary. Okay, that you say, I'm only doing this many social events or I've got 2 hours and I want to work on this. Like, I would love you to take control of that and feel that fire in you again. Okay, that life is your like and you're good at life isn't designed for like living by design, not default, but controlling your diary as an empowerment. Yeah, I'm living in a defaulted design. Yes, at the moment. Yeah, you are. Yeah. Okay, that that's a good challenge. Okay, so take command your calendar. Command my calendar. Yeah. And therefore your energy and I'd love to see you do that. So, okay,

Yeah, it was really gentle with me. It said like your life doesn't need an overhaul, but you need well-being practices that serve your life, not sabotage your life. Oh, what what well-being practices could possibly sabotage your life? Too much. Oh, yeah. Too many therapists. Too many therapists. Too many tick boxes. You you probably get that one now, too. and reflection instead of rumination. I'm a ruminator. I'm a silent sufferer. I get really stuck in this loops, these negative thought loops in my head. And that's when I have to carve out the time in the morning and go and sit with my journal and freewrite for 20 minutes and then meditate after that just to get it out of my head. I realize there's about seven or eight stories we keep coming back to. Once I start getting really clear on those stories, that creates space for me to craft and command. Yeah. versus being reactive all the time. Yes. You're like story. There it is. There it is. Yeah. Ping. Oh, I'm familiar with you. Thank you. Goodbye. So, that is the soul map. That is the framework of it. It's live on our website now. You just go to awakeacademy.com and it'll pop up. Um, and the soul map is a really great introduction into well-being, into mindset. Like people always say to us, where do I start? Start with the soul map and then you'll get a clear picture of your life. Now, people who have done the soul map have come back to us with a few questions. Before we move on to the questions, I just want to reassure people that the soul map is all about boosting and supporting your well-being. And like you said, it's not about a life overhaul. It's all about coming back to who you are intrinsically. Yeah. Who you are true to yourself. It's not about becoming something new. It's just becoming yourself again. Well, one of the questions is actually,

winning world titles. You learned through the mistakes, right? Yes. Mistakes were the stepping stones to success. That learning how to lose taught me how to win. I didn't enjoy losing. [laughter] No one does. No. But the, as I like to say, growth occurs in the rearview mirror. Having the courage to look back at those those stepping stones, those mistakes or those failures which were ultimately just disappointments cuz they were unmet expectations taught me really valuable life lessons that I could go ah okay I know where I went wrong there. Okay, I'm not going to do that again. Going to take that little piece of wisdom and apply it to the next opportunity. The good thing about life is the opportunities are infinite. Yeah. The bad thing about human beings is that we put finite um statements. Well, projections. Yes. Lines. Yeah. This is who I am. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. We create finite boundaries around everything. If we could just open ourselves up and be a little bit more flexible and less rigid, then we get to know ourselves and that's how we grow as Yeah. And I love like this understanding is we are our patterns repeated over time and you can intercept those patterns and you can change your brain. You can wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person. You don't have to wait till the new year and that starts with curiosity. Yeah. And if you're curious about who your best self is and what your best life looks like, then the soul map's a great place to start. Yeah. And that's what knowing yourself is to me. Like grow and be better. Do better. And you can ask really simple questions like Yeah. What does the best me look like today? Today. Right now. Yeah. In this moment. And then what can I do to be better right now? In this moment. Yeah. So for listeners, ask yourself that right now. What's one thing I can do to be better today? And it may be as simple as taking one deep intentional breath. Yeah. That in itself is a nervous system regulation. All right. Mine is I need some sunshine right now. Yes, I need sunshine. I keep seeing it come through the window. Okay. Here are the quickfire well-being questions that people have submitted. So, what's the first sign your body needs care, not discipline? [snorts] [laughter] That's a big one. That's not a quickfire. What's the first sign that your body needs care and not discipline? How about swelling in a foot? [laughter] Mine is I um you know when you turn a TV on and everything becomes frazzled like Oh, it's all it's all distorted. That's how my brain feels. Oh, really? Yeah. What's [laughter] your Aside from a moon boot? What's yours? Uh, swelling in my abdomen. Ah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. The body whispers before it. Oh, it's just like I'm not digesting life properly. Yeah. Profound. Thanks. When you feel flat, what layer do you check first? Body, emotion, or meaning?

But then I look through what is the meaning I've put around that emotion. Oh, profound. Yeah. Okay. Cuz I know that that's that's the story that I'm that could be keeping me flat is not actually the emotion itself. Can you give me an example? Uh, so in I felt like as a mom, I was really sad sending Benji to school this year. Oh, yes. Cuz I wasn't ready for him to grow up, right? And I felt like I haven't spent enough time with him. So the emotion I was feeling really flat and quite depressed that I'd ruined four years of my life. So, it was a big story and I had a huge cry to Chris cuz I was just feeling so flat. I wept like all day and I was like, "What is the meaning I've put behind this is that I'm a failure?" Oh, wow. Um, but what I realize is as a parent, it's just they're growing up. You're setting them up to be strong, independent humans. So, that was it wasn't I had to rewrite it that it wasn't me being a failure. That was me that I'm building him up to be the best he can be. So you have to tap into the true meaning. True meaning. Not just the story. Yeah. Not just the story. Not the narrative that you've created. Yeah. Okay. Very good. Yeah. I still get emotional thinking about it now. You don't want them to grow up. I know. No, nobody does. Well, I do. And you know what I did do? As soon as I felt that and realized that four is probably the golden age before they start turning into like mini kids, I was like, I need a baby photo shoot. [laughter] Of course you did. So that's the I switched my um birthday present for myself from diamonds to a photo shoot. Nice. Enough diamonds anyway. Yeah, it was just I feel like that's the greatest gift I can have is photographic time. Beautiful. Yeah. Okay, that was the meaning. That it was a great meaning. I'm glad you asked that, Dream Team. [laughter] Okay. One wellbeing habit you return to when everything feels like too much. Mine is meditation. Yeah, mine's intentional breathing. Okay. Yeah, I'll link um the one meditation that I do whenever I need to come back home to myself. It's called here now. And it is so beautiful. I do it all the time. And the breathing. I have three different breath breathing techniques that I resort back to. It's either the box breathing. So, in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, or uh in for four, hold for two, out for six. Cuz the elongation of the exhale is what creates the sympathetic decompression. Decompression or the physiological sigh. So in for two and then out slowly for five. Doing that one all the time. Yes. What's the most overrated piece of well-being advice you've heard? Uh [gasps] I don't know what mine is. You have to walk on hot coals [laughter] to build resilience. What about broken glass? [gasps] Um yeah, mine is that you have to go to some sort of retreat to find stillness. Yeah. And look the the here's the thing. If we don't know how to regulate our own nervous system, we are going to continuously seek support from outside of ourselves. Yeah. Go to the next retreat. Go and walk on broken glass. Go find that motivational session which are incredible tools. They are all wonderful tools, but it's the emotional regulation from within that sets us on our journey. Yeah. The stillness. Yep. The stillness from within. What's the most underrated way to restore energy? Sitting in sunshine, breathing with your feet in the grass. [laughter] Sitting with your feet in the grass. In the sunshine with intentional breath in stillness. Yeah. It's stillness that is the most underrated Yeah. life hack. And then finish off with a glass of water with cracked sea salt. Any water would be great. Bob is Bob's your uncle. [laughter] Your uncle. Who is Bob? Okay. How do you know the

paid for the session. I might as well go. And I got there and I really enjoyed the session and I walked out of there going, I'm disconnected from myself. So, the difference was I was tired of wearing this, but I wasn't tired. Like, of course, I'm I'm physically I'm a little bit depleted. Yeah. But what I'm tired of is tired of being physically disabled to do what I love to do. I was tired of being I don't know. I'm tired of answering what have you done to yourself? And I'm tire I'm tired of it. I'm just tired of it. So that essentially held resulted in me being disconnected from myself. So I was actually disconnected not tired. Yeah. So the difference for me is if I went and did that training session and then came out tired, then I know I'm tired. Yeah. But I didn't. I came out elevated and energized and was that for the rest of the day. Then I knew I was just disconnected. Love it. That's just my interpretation of it. You never regret a gym session, do you? No. Not even because it does give you these and like it gives you endorphins and all those things, but if it's a gym session that hurts you, then you regret it. [laughter] Shannon, I'm talking to you. All right. Okay. When you feel overwhelmed, what helps you back to yourself the fastest? Uh, for me, it's journaling. Dump it out. Why am I overwhelmed? So, just getting really curious because a lot of the time it's just head noise that I've made up cuz I've been overwhelmed. And then back to our fivestep reconnection. Get in the grass. Yeah. Sunshine break. Take a few breaths in stillness. So, that is the quickest one. But you have to get out what's going on in your head because then it helps you separate the emotion, the meaning, and the head noise around it. Yeah. Well, for me, it's very similar, but it's drawing drawing the emotions because that helps me get out of the head noise and out of the thoughts that are going around it and just creatively kind of just plant it onto a page. Yeah. And then I'm able to put the framework around it through the story framework that we share. Love it. Okay. What's one small practice that builds selfrust over time? Um, consistency of a habit that nourishes you. Yeah, it's a but it's consistency. It's not the discipline to do it. It's the consistency of it. Yeah. That's what builds the trust. Okay. Mine is a big one because I have I love Loco Love. You are addicted to Loco Love. I really am. We're both cosmic being members of Loco [laughter] Love cuz we've spent I'm a platinum member. [gasps] But I realized that um I do have body issues and I do have eating issues where I have um for 39 years well actually I would say 35 years cuz it's a pattern I've I'm working to rewrite um used food as an emotional blanket or band-aid in what as a reward or system or as a feelood feel good system like So, I h like it's like a band-aid. Have a bad day, have a chocolate. Like, well, it's better than having a shot of tequila. I've been there, done that, too. [laughter] So, selfrust is having strong self boundaries and not breaking it. Yes. So, saying, "I'm going to go to the gym," and actually going, saying, "I'm going to drink 2 liters of water," and actually drinking it. um even down to instead of having a chocolate every night or two [laughter] um is just to have it on weekends and your weekend is two days. Mine was four cuz Friday, Saturday [laughter] actually. That's three. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's a weekend, right? [laughter] That's a long weekend. Yeah. So yeah, it's just about having good discipline. Well, it's not discipline, boundaries. Self boundaries. So selfrust to me is boundaries that I uphold for myself. Honoring the boundaries builds trust. Yeah, exactly. All right, and the last one. These are profound today by Thank you. Yeah, thanks Dream Team. What does being well actually feel like

beautifully. Yes, it's consistent energy. Yeah. And that energy dips and flows, but there's always this baseline of energy. Yeah. To draw upon. It's a great reservoir. An energy reservoir. It is. So, on that note, dream team, if this episode resonated with you and you do want to take on the soul map, it is a great kickstarter to your well-being or just to check in to where you're at, visit us at awakeacademy.com.au and you will also find our collective in there. So, thank you for your questions. Yeah, thank you. Really powerful reflection points for both of us to given us a lot to work on. It has. Yes. Thank you. [laughter] Thank you, Dream. We know ourselves and grow ourselves with you. So, that was this week's episode of a wakeup call and we will see you next week. Toodles. Have you been listening to this episode and thought mic drop? Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist. Welcome to the Awake Collective where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. [music] It is life transformative. Right, LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, then the Awake Collective is for you. So, come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au AU and join us for monthly coaching, a community that supports you, and tools that you can use in your [music] life to thrive. Let's go. See you there.