The Olympics Episode: Pressure, Perspective and a Surprise Letting Go

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to understand because not only have you been an elite sports woman, you have also coached and mentored hundreds of men and women, would you say, including Olympic athletes, including And you've been in the Olympic? Well, I was an athlete leazison at the London Olympic Games. So, I got to immerse my feet Yeah. into the shoes of Olympians. I was just checking your qualifications. Yeah, I know. I still don't feel qualified. Hey, there's an imposter syndrome going on over here. But one of the things Wow. What's What's your story around that? Well, that I've never had to actually compete at an Olympic games. So, I don't truly understand what it takes to know that your only chance to win a medal comes every four years. Yeah. Like, that's just mindboggling. But anyway, I'll do my best. All right. Well, I'm not asking you to be that person. So, release yourself of the imposter syndrome or dissect it from a world champions mindset. There you go. Okay. So, I'm glad that we got curious there cuz the first person I wanted to tell you about his story was Scotty James. Oh, don't we love Scotty James?

because he won silver and not gold that when he brought this back to his little boy he said that his son didn't care what metal was around his neck. And then in the middle of your like silver is not by any means a disappointment or a failure. It is when you're going for gold. Yeah. But then to be able to reconcile it and bring it back to meeting your son where you are, what do you think that that takes in the moment when there's cameras pointing at you, the weight of Australia, if not the world looking at you? How do you process that in the

was going for gold. But to feel that weight of disappointment, I feel that may have broken his heart in that particular moment. So to shift the perspective and just say, you know what, I went for gold. I failed, but I won silver, which is no failure in itself. But then to say at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter to my son what color medal I have around my neck. as I've just got to show up as dad. That was a beautiful moment for him to just regulate his emotions and change the perspective and change the story. But it didn't mask the disappointment. That was still loud and clear. That was seen on his face pre and post that particular moment. But I think it was a beautiful u display of humanity of reality of keeping his feet on the ground. Yeah. because we weren't expecting any more of him than he was expecting of himself. But to to display such disappointment and such heartache and then bring it back around to humanity just brought us all on that journey. It sure did. Do you have to train for that? I I don't know if you can train for it, but you have to trust it and you have to be prepared to be self-aware in those moments. And Scotty obviously through the tremendous experience that he's had and the tremendous success that he's had on and off the uh his sense of selfawareness, his sense of self brought him to that moment and he was able to just stop and breathe and regulate and say actually let's just make it about something other than this because what if you don't have kids cuz I know like particularly cuz we've worked a little bit with sporting teams they encourage players to have children early because it does give them perspective holds them like creat It's a home environment which is a a recipe for thriving. Yes. Uh earlier on well having kids or or even just having something a life outside of the sport. Doesn't have to be children. I mean for me it was a variety of different things through through my foundation or my clothing brand or even just going bushw walking and having a life outside of surfing, drawing, writing, being creative in other ways helps give me an anchor point to come back to something else to look forward to. something to distract me from the the heartache or the disappointment. Yeah. Or even just the expectation like that. Well, it's huge, right? It is enormous. And it and if you're I mean from my personal experience, if I'm so wholeheartly invested in achieving a particular thing and I fall short, my initial response to that has always been bitter disappointment and I beat myself up. And even though I know better, I don't do better. And sometimes it takes either the perspective of being a father or the perspective of someone outside of you that's within your dream team to go, "Hey, keep it real.

eyes out, and I got a phone call that afternoon from Kathy Freeman, our greatest one of our greatest Olympians, and she went, "Are you okay? Like, is there is anything really dramatically wrong? Are you and Kirk okay? Is everything okay?" And I said, "Yeah, I just lost today." And she goes, "Oh, for sake. It's just sport." And I went, "Thank you for that perspective shift, that dose of reality." So, so I was very fortunate that I've got someone so encouraging and supportive, but so real in my dream team. Shout out Kathy. We all need a Kathy in our corner. So, I guess the takeaway here is find meaning. Yes. Find meaning outside of the sporting arena or the job promotion or what you know what do you find meaning outside of the arena that's all consuming. Yeah. To you. Yes. Yeah. and and maintain a strong connection to that. Yeah. Don't don't lose connection. Don't lose perspective. Yeah. Because those moments will help you regulate your emotions when you're feeling the depth of pain. Pain, suffering, despair, or disappointment. Yeah. So, shout out to you, Scotty James. Thanks for keeping it real, man. Yeah. And to you, Kathy.

So it was reported before the games that she felt like quitting. Just didn't feel like she had it in her. And her husband flew from Norway to help her stay in it. and she wrote on and dedicated the medal to her sons and wrote champions. But what I love about this moment and what makes me the most emotional is that she was at her edge and it was a teammate, her husband that came up to her and said, "Not yet." Yeah. And she won gold. But afterwards, she the first person she thanked was her nanny. Oh, because you can't do it alone. No, there's a dream team of support going on back there, isn't it? And I and at first I was like, "Oh, that's the nanny." And then I thought, well, a modern woman needs a village in any way, shape, or form. Well, a modern family does. And what a special moment. So you've got her dream team, her like beautiful husband who flies over there, the nanny who's supporting her, but then that self-belief that happens in those moments. What's going on in that? Like how do you unlock greatness in there? And I refer to the moment where Kirk ran with you this weekend to put your shoes on you so you could continue your run at the um Australian Board Riders competition. But what do you see? How does that unlock your edge when you know your dream team are right behind you? when you're standing on the precipice of one of the greatest growth opportunities of your life or one of the greatest opportunities of your life because at the time we don't know whether it's a growth opportunity or not.

close to winning my first world title and I announced I'm done. I'm ready to quit. And that's when my personal trainer sat me down and said what is it that you truly want? Uh and I said world champion. And he said well what's it going to take? And I said 100% effort. And he's like what are you investing in that now? So sometimes we need our dream team to hold us accountable. Other times we just need a shoulder to cry on. There's been times when I'm about to paddle out for a final to win a world title and I'm feeling the enormous pressure of it and I'm literally raising the white flag and going, I can't do this. And you just need someone to say it's okay. Like you don't have to do it all on your own. I'm here to support you. If you've done the work and you've done the training, normally one of the reasons why we tap out is just because we're feeling the weight of the world on our shoulders. We're convincing ourselves that we don't have what it takes. There's a there's a mental load that's predominantly a negative narrative that's holding us back and you can't keep safe. Exactly. And you can't change what you can't see. So sometimes, even as one of the most self-aware, most experienced athletes in the world, sometimes you still need a mirror. Yeah. To reflect that back to you. And fortunately her husband was there for you for her saying you've got this like but the load. Yeah. Release a problem shared is a problem heart. Yeah. Release the load. Okay. So our lesson in greatness here is release the load and share the pain. Share the pain. Share the load. Because if you if you can't find the the fortitude within you to do it for yourself, then it's better to actually find someone outside of you to do it for. Yeah. Cuz when you dedicate it to somebody else, then you're you're almost like exonerating yourself of the pressure and the expectation and you're like, I'm just doing it for you. Cuz they want you just to do your best. They don't care whether you win gold or not. Well, we want to see you do your best and if you do your best, then you win gold. But yeah, there's always there's always these little nuances that can potentially get in the way and sabotage it. But if you're willing to share your vulnerability, open yourself up, release yourself of your emotions in a safe, contained environment, then you free yourself up to go and perform at your best. I love that one. All right, athlete three, Alyssa Lou. So, she retired after Beijing. Um, she was everywhere. So, she ran she was the figure skater who won gold. And I don't know whether you saw her story, but she retired because of the pressure because she'd been ice skating her whole life and a lot of money was invest Yeah. a lot of money was invested into her and she decided to walk away.

the joy in something she ended up hating. And she found that rewired that joy, found love in her sport again. And when she skated that gold medal, there was just this expression of joy that I think that permeated through the world. Right. So there is a beauty in becoming yourself again. When did you lose the joy in surfing and how did you find it back? I lost the joy after I won my first world title and I didn't find it again till I was competing for my seventh one. High performance greatness right there everyone. High performance intensity right there. But someone that I feel who exudes joy every day who paddles into a wave with the utmost joy is Stephanie Gilmore. Like she permeates joy. There's a smile on her face. There's of course there's this intensity about her competitive nature, but there's just so much joyfulness around how she approaches surfing and how she approaches a wave that inspires me to want to bring more joy into my surfing. And one of the quickest ways to find joy is to come back into why do you do what you do? Like I surf because it's fun. I surf because I experience freedom. But the minute I bring expectation and pressure and and outcome into the performance, it sabotages the joy. It eliminates it. So to see her bring the freedom to play and perform because she's passionate about it, that's what enabled her to free herself up and do it for the love of it. And so it's a beautiful thing to see. I think we can all learn from that. But learning to trust in that is the hardest thing to do because if you've succeeded through ferocity, through intensity, through pain and suffering, then you'll believe that that's the only way to succeed. And I proved myself right in that from world titles 2 to six. pain, suffering, struggle, injury, disappointment, heartbreak. I was up and I was down and I was never just going with the flow.

going, "Wow, how beautiful is it today? The ocean feels so silky and the sun feels so good on my skin and the fish and the ocean's so clean and oh, I've still got 15 minutes to go. I better catch a wave. So, I found joy in the moment versus relying on the outcome. I love that. Well, on that moment of joy, it'll be Yeah, I have a surprise for you. Well, here we go. I'm about to get stung. I actually did have six athletes and then because of what happened on the weekend, I added a seventh and believe it or not, of course, it's number seven. We haven't added We haven't gone through all six, have we? We haven't. And we don't have time to because I want to give this moment something that it deserves. Okay. But you've provided me the perfect segue. Uh oh. So, athlete 7 is Lane Beachley. Tada. So, seven world titles, six in a row, and you became the most dominant athletes in Australia. Yes. You are still the only male or female athlete to win six surfing world titles in a row. And you're up there with sort of like Lewis Hamilton, Lance Armstrong, but we won't mention him. Too late. You just did. We need to actually do some research. How many six times consecutive world champions are there? I did. There's like baseball play like it's very minutia. It's you're up there with the elite of the elite. I just have to remind you the person who had imposter syndrome sitting here is one of the most elite athletes in the history of the world. Tada. Okay. Right. So when you retired, how many years ago was that? As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micron Nutrition has an amazing product called sleep support. It has three different types of magnesium powder and passion flour which just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do get as a mom. So visit micronutrition.com.au and use the code awake 10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years and I've constantly been looking for something to help me create mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine, but Cortiseps, turkey tail, ginseng, ginko, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really natural good stuff and it's good for you. So, if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, Wake Up is your pill. You'll find it on our website, awakeacademy.com.au.

in Steph because what you see in others is from within. That's true. Because you can't see that within yourself if you don't have those qualities because they don't exist. That's true. So people called you the Madonna of surfing because you saw well because you stayed with the times and you reinvented yourself time and time again and you saw the ocean as your office, the bikini as your uniform, the sunscreen as your makeup, and you hoped people would remember you for your never say die attitude. Yes. So, what makes this the most powerful story that I personally get to see over and over again is your self-awareness in the moments and that you built a legacy beyond surfing now. You help thousands of people help themselves. We've got this podcast, a book, you've got a very successful mentoring business and we've got awake academy. But what you do every day is commit yourself to ongoing growth. Now, I witnessed probably the most shelled human I've seen you as being on Friday. And I saw even in your pain, I saw the elite performer that you were. So for listeners, for context, this is the first time that I'm opening up to LB about this and she was surfing in the Australian Board Riders competition. So you said you would retire from competitive surfing individual um but you would never give up on competitive surfing as a team and you are now 54 years old. 53. Thank you. Almost 54. You're aging me. And you are in the best physical mental shape ever. Yeah. I mean as you can be at 53. Yeah. I'm in the least amount of pain. But I saw someone who had lost the joy of surfing.

surfing terms is probably at least in cars. A 10ft face, maybe a little bit bigger. How many cars stacked up on top of each other? I am not a surfer. Okay. A standard SUV. It was bloody big. And it was quite powerful. And the way that the waves come in at Burley Heads, firstly, the only way to get out there is to jump off rocks and you have to negotiate your timing because waves come in, hit the rocks, and wash you off the rocks. So, there was there's a lot of negotiation going on. Long story short, I jumped off the rocks with my team and they got off relatively effortlessly. I jumped early because I just wanted to get off the rocks and start paddling and I got washed in. I couldn't get out the back, which is quite demoralizing. It's kind of like the paddle of shame. And I walked back around and I thought, "Okay, round two." I kept a smile on my face. I thought, "Come on, this is just, you know, just the ocean giving you a bit of an ass whipping." And I went back around and I decided to jump off a different set of rocks because it was a more effortless paddle. Even though it was a pretty strong rib, but it was further out, so it gave me a chance to get across the sandbag before getting hit by the sets again. It took me 15 minutes to get off the rocks because sets just kept coming and coming and coming. I jumped off the rocks. I paddled out. I got hit by so many waves, but I eventually got out the back and I was celebrating. Yes, I got out. Now, there's about 100 of my closest friends out there. I mean, it was packed to the rafters out there. It was so frustrating. Everyone was having a hard time. And every time I paddled for a wave, there was someone on my inside who would take off behind me and cut me, you know, prevent me from taking it cuz I don't like to drop in on people. I used to do it a lot, but I don't like it cuz it doesn't make me feel good. And anyway, it took me about half an hour to get a wave. I finally I take off. It's a close out. I drop out of the ceiling. I freeall. I make the drop. I ride out of it. The wave closes out ahead of me. And so I just dive off my board. And as I'm underwater, I hear this bing. My leash breaks. And fortunately, the swell had literally slowed down long enough for me to swim to my board. And at the same time, a kid was caught on the inside who able was able to prevent my board from being washed into the rocks. So he held on to it, I swam to it, and then went back in. Went to the car, grabbed one of my teammates leashes, applied the leash to my board. This is the never say die attitude, right? Walked back around, jumped off the rocks again, got hit by another set or two, finally made my way out the back. Took me over an hour to catch a wave and when I took off, I literally ran over one of the guys I used to compete with. Go Kieran Pero. We literally collided as he was coming in from behind me and I went straight down over the top of him and I just raised the white flag, I quit. I'm done. I'm out of here. This is just ridiculous. And paddled in with my tail between my legs and was ready to quit right there and then. And then I rang you like I need help. I'm stuck in a rut. This sucks. And I want to for all of our listeners, Lane's a little bit like Moana, you know, like she talks to the ocean. She goes with the flow. She reads the waves. So I said to her, if you've seen Moana, you'll know what she's talking about. Yeah. What's What are you fighting? And you said, I'm fighting the ocean. like I'm fighting I'm fighting I'm I'm actually not having fun. And I kept asking myself, how can I bring more playfulness into this experience? How can I be more fun in this? But I was fighting the resistance to admit that I'm I'm old and I'm slow and I'm not as fit and strong as these 13-year-olds that I'm competing against who have no respect for their elders. And I was fighting the reality of what is. And I just didn't I don't want to be seen as that. Yeah. But in actual fact, if I just admitted the things that those things are real and that it doesn't matter and then go back out and go with the flow and have fun and find confidence in my experience and in my time in the water and just dance again. That's what once again I'd forgotten the dance. You'd forgotten the dance. And I said to Lane, we learned this a lot with Sue Langley and she said, "Feather, stone, truck." Now the feather was your injury. the stone. You were in a moon boot. That's I was but I kicked it off and I said when is enough enough LB? If you've lost the joy and well the thing is I hadn't lost the joy

be the seven times world champion. And I'm not the seven times world champion. And one of the greatest pieces of advice you gave me was write a letter to pro surfing and say thank you but I'm not that anymore and that's okay. And it took me as that was liberating. It's like actually I don't have to be the seven times world champion out here. There's a lot of other girls coming after that and they can have it cuz I've got I've got everything I need. So now I just need to go out and have some fun and play with it. And so the goal that next day on the Saturday morning was to go out for a surf with the team, catch one wave to get my feet in the wax cuz I literally hadn't caught a wave. And I paddled out, had a great paddle out, caught one wave. The boys on the beach scored it a seven. Except it wasn't in the heat. I was like, one and done. Now let's go and assess the conditions. Yeah. But unfortunately in the heat, everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. We were on the wrong side of luck that day. Yeah. Now, what what we're not talking about or what we haven't said to everyone is I said to Lane, "Is it time? Is it time to retire?" Yes. Yes. And you said, "Yes, it is time to retire. I am done. I've had enough. I've had enough of putting that pressure on myself, expecting myself to show up and be the seven times world champion. Like, I'm I'm tired." So, yeah. And I'm emotional for you because I see how much you want to support your club and to support the people that you love most there. Yeah. But I also see that what it takes from you. Yeah. And because it's the give, the give, the give and the proving to yourself that you're still a seventime world champion that was getting me. And who was I trying to prove that to? And who were you trying to prove that to? So in the moment, and this is what human greatness to me looks like, is someone who can look at themselves in the mirror and say, you know what, like I'm curious enough in myself to be done, to see that like I'm not I don't need to prove myself to anyone anymore. No. So I want to acknowledge you that it's not it takes a lot of courage to to sit here and to open up and be vulnerable about that. Thank you for helping me say that. and um to surfing. Thank you for She was on loan.

your weakness, but it's also empowering. Tell me, why is it empowering to you? Cuz I saw you the next day. I spoke to you. I checked in with you a couple of times and I was trying to get up to the the Gold Coast, but I couldn't get there cuz I didn't care whether you got on that wave or you didn't. I just wanted to give you that hug. Yeah. Cuz I knew you were done competing. And but you said, "It's okay. You're with me on the line." And I said, "That's right. I'm with you in spirit." But I saw you joyful. Yeah. I saw you. I got out. It was the best pedal out I'd had the whole time I'd been in Burley Heads. I missed the wave of the day. Well, actually, I didn't miss it. I let it go because the drop looked too steep and I just, you know, I splashed the water and went, "No, well, that's the opportunity gone." But then I kept going. I kept looking. Um, I was literally in the water with a girl who was 13. She's 40 years younger than me and she's already told me that she's going after six consecutive world titles. She's actually suggest her name's Lahani Zoic and she's like I said, I'm holding on to that record of six consecutive world ties. I don't think anyone will beat that. She said, "I will." The smile on her face. But then I paddled into a wave and I just backed myself. I was like, "This is it. Yeah, you're one and done out there." And I caught that wave and I did the one turn and I didn't push myself to get a second turn. I just thought I just want to get the job done and get in, get my shoes on that my darling husband was standing on the beach waiting for me. Such a good egg. And then I tell you, running that hill with the shoes on made all the difference for me. And I tagged my teammates and they were like, you know, they were cheering me on and telling me I did a good job. But, you know, of course I always want to do better. Yeah. Always want to do that. But you know in the heat of the moment you were ready to give up the day before. Yeah, I was. And I to see I guess this is the lesson and this is the toolkit that we want to impart on you. The do it for life toolkit is like do it for yourself. Yes. There is no one greater on earth to make you proud. Yeah. There is no one greater on earth to show your worthiness and your truth to look in the mirror and say, "I'm going to give it all, but I'm done." Yeah. Like that. That to me is a hero and that shows me why you really did win six in a row and that you are one of our greatest athletes of all time because you are always willing to look in the mirror. So that's our toolkit for everyone today is to look in the mirror. You don't have to be an Olympic athlete to have the courage to go within to say no. Yeah. To retire and to ask yourself the question is what's the basic emotion I'm avoiding right now? What was yours? Acceptance. Yeah. That was the ba and it's always a positive response to that question. Yeah. I was just failing to accept that I am older and I am slower and I am a little bit weaker, but I'm also really strong in my body and in my mind and I'm supported. So, I kept focusing on the weaknesses versus the opportunities. And when I focused on the opportunities, it just liberated me and I stopped putting pressure on myself and I had fun. But then when I went and told my freshwater board riders club that I'm done, they said, "Resignation declined."

people. So, I think you nailed it. It's like bring it back to yourself. Compete for yourself. Do yourself proud because when you do yourself proud, you do your team proud. When you start thinking about everyone outside of yourself, you put too much pressure on yourself to perform to their expectations. You don't even know what they are. So, just measure up to your own ability, not your own expectations. So profound. So, do it for yourself. Do it for life. Thank you, Dream Team. What an epic episode. I'm sorry for springing that on you. I thought, yeah, brutal. I just wanted to bring it back to what we're really about is ourselves. And um please find greatness in yourself today. And if anything, just do it for you and make yourself proud. And thank you for being a integral part of my dream team. A can't wait to hug you. I've got tears in my eyes. I'm just so proud of you. So, thanks Dream Team. We'll see you next week. And if this episode resonated with you, please share it with a loved one so we can help people help themselves. We will see you next week. Tood toodles. Have you been listening to this episode and thought, "Mike drop. Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist." Welcome to the Awake Collective, where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. It is life transformative, right LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, then the Awake Collective is for you. So, come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au and join us for monthly coaching, a community that supports you and tools that you can use in your life to thrive. Let's go. See you there. Before we close, we just want to gently remind you that Awake Academy is not a licensed mental health service and this podcast is not a substitute for personalized mental health advice, assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. What we share here is general in nature and is designed to offer reflection, insight, and practical tools for everyday life. Therapy can be life-changing, and we deeply encourage you to speak to your GP about your mental health and wellbeing options. If this conversation brought something up for you, please do not sit with it alone. Reach out to someone you trust. Speak to your GP. And if you need immediate support in Australia, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13, 11,4. You are not alone.