The Love Episode: Holding Space, Healing and Building a Life Together
Dec 01, 2025Episode 8 · 1 December 2025 · 43 min
With Layne Beachley AO & Tess Brouwer, featuring Chris Brouwer
About this episode
How do you truly hold space for someone you love? In this tender and honest episode of A Wake Up Call, Tess and Layne invite Tess's husband Chris into the studio to unpack something most of us were never taught how to do: being fully present for a partner without fixing, coaching or shutting down. Tess shares the story of meeting Chris after her accident, at a time when her identity felt shattered and she was still rebuilding her sense of self. Chris talks about what he saw that day at the rehab reunion β her kindness to the 'quad squad' β and how a single hug felt like coming home for them both.
They walk through the early stages of their love story: deep late-night FaceTime calls during lockdown, Chris asking Tess to tell him her trauma story from beginning to end, and the flowers that arrived the next morning with a simple message β 'Holding space for you.' Chris opens up about his own trauma around female emotion, how that shaped his early reactions, and what it took to unlearn the urge to shut down or fix. Together they explore what it really means to sit in discomfort instead of rushing to solutions, why so many couples get stuck in the drama triangle, and how curiosity, breath and a learner mindset can turn conflict into connection. This is a real, grounded look at partnership β not a fairy tale β with the missteps as well as the magic.
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Key takeaways
- Holding space starts with one breath, not one fix. Chris's old pattern was to shut down or jump straight into solution mode when faced with big emotion. Now he consciously pauses, takes a breath and asks how he wants to respond instead of reacting from habit. That tiny pause creates room for empathy instead of control.
- Trying to fix someone keeps you both stuck in drama. The moment you see your partner as broken and yourself as the rescuer, you lock in the drama triangle β victim, rescuer, persecutor. Holding space means stepping out of that triangle, listening without judgment, and trusting that feeling with someone is often the medicine.
- It is okay to say 'I do not know what to say.' When Chris was struggling and didn't want solutions, Tess felt paralysed β so she told him the truth: 'I don't know what to say right now.' Chris named that as real holding space. Honesty plus presence beats perfect advice every time.
- Safety and being seen are the real love story. From the first hug that felt like 'coming home' to the flowers that arrived with 'holding space for you,' Tess realised love is not about hiding the broken parts. It is about being seen in your trauma, your fear and your mess β and discovering the person stays. That safety is what let her rebuild her life.
- Strong relationships are built on inner work, not wishful thinking. In their wedding vows, Tess and Chris promised to always work on themselves, not just each other β regular therapy, permission to call in support, and a shared agreement that growth is part of the relationship. Chris describes his core posture as 'a learner' who kneels, stays curious and lets empathy lead.
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Transcript
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00:00Introduction▾
Layne Beachley & Tess Brouwer (00:00):
01:11Today's wake-up call: holding space▾
Chris Brouwer (01:11):
02:02The love story begins▾
Chris Brouwer (02:02):
04:35The rehab reunion and the quad squad▾
Chris Brouwer (04:35):
09:25The hug that felt like coming home▾
Chris Brouwer (09:25):
15:29Lockdown FaceTime: dating in reverse▾
Chris Brouwer (15:29):
16:39Tell me your trauma from the beginning▾
Chris Brouwer (16:39):
17:46Flowers and a card: holding space for you▾
Chris Brouwer (17:46):
18:48What it actually means to hold space▾
Chris Brouwer (18:48):
19:24Chris's trauma around female emotion▾
Chris Brouwer (19:24):
26:43The drama triangle vs sitting in discomfort▾
Chris Brouwer (26:43):
27:35When the roles reverse: I don't know what to say▾
Chris Brouwer (27:35):
34:29Safety, being seen and building a life▾
Chris Brouwer (34:29):
38:46The toolkit: always grow yourselves▾
Chris Brouwer (38:46):
Frequently asked questions
What is this episode about?▾
Tess and Layne invite Tess's husband Chris into the studio to explore what it really means to hold space for someone you love β sharing their love story after Tess's accident, Chris's trauma around female emotion, the drama triangle, and how to sit in discomfort instead of rushing to fix.
What does it mean to 'hold space' for someone?▾
It's being fully present with someone in their emotion without trying to fix, coach or shut it down. Chris describes it as taking a breath, stepping back to observe how you want to respond, listening without judgment, and being willing to accept whatever comes next β sometimes simply saying 'I don't know what to say, but I am here.'
What is the drama triangle?▾
A cycle of victim, rescuer and persecutor. Layne explains that the moment you view your partner as broken and yourself as the rescuer, you lock in that triangle. Holding space means stepping out of it β listening without judgment and asking 'do you want a solution or do you just need a shoulder?'
How did Tess and Chris meet?▾
They met at a rehab reunion at the pub after Tess came out of hospital in 2019. Chris noticed Tess's kindness to the 'quad squad' β her friends in wheelchairs β and a single hug at the end of the night felt, for both of them, like coming home.
Why does Chris talk about trauma around female emotion?▾
As a teenager Chris was exposed to raw female emotion he didn't know how to respond to, and his default became to shut down or try to fix it. He carried that into his first marriage, and the episode is partly the story of unlearning that β replacing the urge to escape or control with a breath, presence and curiosity.
What is the toolkit they share?▾
Always grow yourselves β individually as well as together, with external therapeutic support; stay out of the drama by sitting with 'I don't know the answer'; and posture yourself as a learner who kneels, stays curious and lets empathy and acceptance lead in any moment of conflict.
Guest
Chris Brouwer
Tess's husband β on holding space, masculinity and learning to stay
A real, grounded look at partnership β what it takes to hold space for someone you love instead of fixing, coaching or shutting down.
