Seven Kinds of Tired

They're our Do It For Life partner because it is all about doing it for life, isn't it, TB? And today's episode is about doing it for life.

Excellent. It's a bit of a personal one. Good.

I've lost my spark. I've been going on about it since I turned 40. Which was several months ago.

In February. And I've just been trying to find ways to get it back. Right.

Which is really quite daunting because the best compliment I ever got from anyone after a workshop

was you helped me find my spark back. Yeah, right. And that's what I love doing.

And we all teach what we need to learn. We do. Yeah.

The thing is though, to be quite honest, your spark is still within you. Yeah.

It's just that it's a little dimmer. Yeah. So it says you haven't lost your spark.

Your spark's not firing at the moment. Yeah, that's a good call out. It feels like it's lost though.

Yeah, like I feel-- It's smouldering maybe. Hasn't extinguished completely.

Yeah, exactly. I need someone more with a blow. I'd just be like.

Blow that thing up. And I think I've just, the more I have been talking about it

and particularly 'cause you work in, like I work in mental health, it's such a confronting experience

because I'm in this space because I lost my spark and I had to find it again which was foundations of Awake Academy with you.

And then I never thought that I'd go back down a sliding slope again because I have so many tools. And I was explaining this to someone else the other day

that what I realize now is that my gap of feeling low is shortened because I have the tools. Yes, and the thing also to add to that

is even though you have the tools, that doesn't stop you from feeling low. Yeah.

We're still, we're humans. We have permission to have those periods in time where we're like Pac-Man, you know.

And you're just stuck there for a little while until someone puts another 20 cents in the machine. Well, it's $2 these days.

But I guess what I'm reinforcing here is that it's human to have these moments in time and it's okay to have these moments in time.

And even though you're equipped with the tools, you are a human being and we're gonna help you through it. Yeah.

Because I feel like when you, as a friend and as a partner in crime, when you lose your spark, it rubs off on everyone around you as well.

And people have different perspectives or expectations of you. And I know, fortunately, actually I would love to know

how does Chris deal with this when you lose your spark? 'Cause I know from partners, especially if they're a little codependent,

they may want to fix it or feel like they're to blame. Are you calling him codependent? No, I'm calling my husband codependent.

Kirk and I are codependent. No, I think most relationships have sort of a co. Yeah.

Relationship, I guess. Oh, like I'm instantly brought to tears because there's been times

where I've just been crying to him. He's used to that. That's Chris.

And he knows he can't fix it. And he stays out of the solution 'cause he knows not to go there.

But I can see him, 'cause he, normally I'm the cup half full. Nothing has significantly happened in my life.

Like I'm not dealing with trauma, injury, illness. Like I'm dealing with that all the time, but nothing kind of--

Nothing new. Nothing new. It's just sort of progressively happened.

Yeah. And-- Here, have a clean tissue.

It's been warmed up in my pocket. Thank you so much. I think it just started with a bit of like overwhelm.

Yeah. And then I noticed myself disassociating from what was really going on in life.

And we talk about FOMO, like fear of missing out of the joyful moments. And I noticed that was like losing grip on me.

So I was like present, but I wasn't present. And you couldn't even find joy in the joyful moments. No, like I was,

and the more I have looked into this with a lot of women particularly and men, but mostly women, it's like we do everything to set up those joyful moments,

but then you're not present in it. 'Cause you're so overwhelmed with all of the mental load of everything else going on in your life.

So that was a huge, like that was hard on him. Yeah. 'Cause you're both watching the same thing play out,

the same moment or the same memory. But I'm interpreting it so differently to what he is. Yeah, you're seeing it through two different lenses.

We're seeing it through two different lenses and his is really joyful and really playful and really engaging and mine is like reserved and distant.

And then you and I had this wonderful experience by Olga who did a face up. That's right.

A facial. Or us. Yes.

And it was a somatic healing facial. And Olga I would describe as sort of like a Russian psychic. Somatic healer.

Yeah. She was powerful. She was so powerful.

She hurt too sometimes. And I said to her, "Well, look, you've read me now.

And she said, "I just want to know in her beautiful accent, "she's such a healer, why you don't let the joy in?" Yeah, that would have hurt to hear that.

Yeah, it really hurt. Yeah. And do you feel like that was the start of the awakening

around this experience or around? Yeah, I think 'cause I just hadn't, I wasn't able to put words around.

You weren't too articulate, yeah. Yeah, and I've worked with a therapist for eight years, shout out, Erin.

And I went to her and I told her this experience and she said, "The most fascinating thing for me, Tess, "is that you asked someone else

"what their interpretation of you was." Yeah, good call out, Erin. What do you notice about me?

Yeah, I do feel that when people are in the fog, they need someone else to reflect it back who loves and cares for them.

But in this instance, I outsourced it to Olga doing a face-up. But I just felt like you don't know me, you don't know any of my story,

what do you feel is like-- Energetically, what are you experiencing in my space? Yeah, so that was more the catalyst to get out of it.

Right. I have so much joy around me and I just-- Do you have plenty to be joyful of,

but when the light is dim inside of you, it's hard to experience joy from within. Yeah.

And things outside of you can't bring joy. I felt like I didn't, I wasn't deserving of the joy. Yes, I get that, yeah.

And I think that got like, that's a childhood wound and it comes up, but it just came up like so deeply for me.

which we can't talk about, but we will go into it. Yes. And I felt that vibe, like you were low and I was low.

Yep, and you were trying to carry the energetic field that I was lacking for me. Yeah.

So you were already depleted, carrying an extra emotional load, trying to carry the weight of family, friendship, business,

expectation, pressure, and that has dimmed you even further. Well, you know, like when you were going through what you were going through, which is monumental

and I cannot wait till we can actually share this thing. I'm allowed to mention the fact that I just finished recording Who Do You Think You Are?

And they warned me that it's a warts and all story and there is a lot of warts and I can guarantee you that is definitely the case.

You guys. Anyway, back to you. So when you use the words trying to hold it for me,

it was a privilege. Oh, thank you. And it gave me purpose.

Yeah, and I felt that. And it gave me energy because I felt useful to you in a way that I knew no one on this earth

could give you that moment of holding space or the multiple moments. Yes.

So that was really like, I didn't feel, I wanna release you from that. I didn't feel that as being trying or I had to or--

You chose to and you did a beautiful job of it. Joy, it was-- I didn't even know, I actually didn't know I needed it

until you leaned in and provided it for me because I thought I had to have it all together and there was no way, I was so vulnerable and so raw

and you saw in me more than I was able to see within myself, which is the beauty of having someone in your life that can do that for you.

But that also comes with a cost and that's where we've landed today, is the cost of holding the space and the energy for others.

Yeah. As well as yourself. Yeah, and that doesn't even feel

like it was the catalyst of it. It was just a mental depletion of doing so much. Yeah.

And I know that there are so many people and in the research we've done with the capacity debt and just talking to people, people are overloaded

with the load. So if this is you, I really feel you. So we're gonna take you on a little bit of a journey

on what I have been doing and are doing to get my life back on track. Beautiful.

Not my life back on track 'cause it hasn't gone off track, we're still doing amazing things, it's just, I felt low. Yep, it's just to reignite your spark.

Yeah. 'Cause I remember 10 years ago,

Yeah, there is a 40s wobble, I think so. It's almost like a pre-midlife. Yeah, well it could be midlife,

you don't know when you're gonna die really, do you? Well, average age of death is like 84 or 85, so yeah, it is midlife.

Yeah, it is midlife and I was seeing an NET practitioner, a different style of therapy that I continue on with this day and I just remember feeling like you,

it's like, I have all the tools, I do all the things, but I still feel really joyless. I feel really empty inside, I feel really flat

and no matter what I do, it doesn't make me feel any better and his question to me is what stops you from allowing the joy in?

Similar experience. Okay. Yeah and so I remember going back into my childhood trauma

and the joylessness subconsciously felt in the womb as a child who was conceived through rape and knowing that my mother was not allowed to keep me,

I think there was very little joy in her life at that time, having to harbor and hold a child in her that she knew she was never gonna touch

and then give away and never know whether she'll ever see it again. I mean, there was so much pain, I think,

in that whole thing that I must have felt that it probably was six weeks premature, I'm like, "Get me the fuck out of here."

But I robbed myself of joy a lot because to your point, as you experience with Olga, you don't believe you're deserving of it

and when you have that story, it's amazing how quickly you can extinguish your own inner flame, your own inner joy flame

and no matter what lengths you go to to re-extinguish it, it doesn't work because it's another one of those permission gaps.

Yeah, so how did you give yourself permission to feel joy again? We have a quick favor to ask.

If this podcast has been landing for you, please hit subscribe and leave us a rating or review. It helps us grow the show

and keep bringing these conversations to more people. First became aware of the fact that I robbed myself of joy as opposed to thinking that I'm just here serving everybody.

So first, it's an awareness thing. Secondly, it's an acceptance thing and then thirdly, it's an action thing.

So I accepted that I was responsible for that and now I have to go and immerse myself in things that bring me joy and allow myself to experience it,

allow myself to feel it without the expectation that it has to be the same level of joy that I experience on a regular day.

So you know when you, for me, obviously surfing is my joyful place and even going surfing didn't bring me joy.

So I had to find the little things in that moment that brought me joy. So it all comes back down to the little things

and being present from the moment I get to the beach or even before then like what board I'm gonna ride, what wetsuit I'm gonna ride.

But for me, it was actually being present immersing my feet into the sand. Yeah, and the gratitude.

Yeah, well, I wasn't really that grateful. It was actually more presence. Like, oh, feet feel really good in the sand.

Oh, the sun on the sand has warmed it. And so being present in the little things certainly started to help rebuild the spark.

What about you? Well, so stage one and step one,

with Biohack with Camilla. So that was, I got those results on Friday. And that actually looked at my,

so we know we're born with a DNA, but the epigenics and the way that we live our life pulls the trigger. - Your genetic disposition.

Yeah. - Yeah. So you wanted to know what you were predispositioned to. Yep. - Yeah.

And interestingly enough, I did have a fast and quick dopamine reserve that I burned through dopamine really quickly,

and then I was finding it hard to get back. Right. So does that mean that you're constantly

seeking dopamine hits? Yeah, yeah, so I've got an addictive personality, which we know. (laughing)

Indeed. - All the fun stuff, so. I mean, not the fun stuff. - Not the, well. Maybe one year, - Once upon a time.

twice ago, yes. And then I, that was fascinating, 'cause I'm like, I do feel like somewhere in me

that I'm sort of, I've got that wired within me, and depression and anxiety runs deep into my DNA, so I have to be really careful and considered.

So therapy, sometimes I've been on SSRIs to help me through different moments in my life, particularly-- - What are SSRIs?

Like antidepressants or anti-anxiety tablets. Oh, right, okay. So that has been a modality that has helped in the past.

But yeah, just eating really healthy and staying away from, I haven't drunk in a while as well, that's probably why I'm so sad. (laughing)

But that was true, actually, 'cause my family came and spent some time with us, and my mum was like, "You just need to go and have some fun."

And we went to Bannister's, not the place I go to recoup the soul, and instead of doing all the things and being really healthy and just on the go-go-go train,

Chris and I just sat by the pool, had a margarita at midday, ate the food, ate the hot chips, and actually just allowed

a bit of softness and a bit of fun in. And what did that do? Just brought me back to life, like--

You can't go past a margarita and some fries to bring you back to life. - You can't, so that was it. Episode over, we'll see you next week.

Go to Bannister's, have a margarita. Toolkit, do it in your life. Margaritas, hot chips. - Hot chips.

Hot chips. (laughing) Buyer pools. - Buyer pools. No, okay, so that was step one,

I have never done that before, DNA testing. We actually have a code, I'll put it in the show notes, that our dream team get $100 off.

The other thing I did is-- If you want to go through the whole process. Yeah, it's pretty easy, you just do a quick--

Quick swab. - Quick swab. Send it off to Ireland. (laughing) And then you have a new family.

Yeah, before you know it, you've got 100 siblings. It's not that. - Spread across the world. Who have PTSD as well as you do.

Okay, so then I've done a hormone test, 'cause I was convinced it was perimenopause. And it is not.

It's not. (laughing) Nice try. (laughing) You can wait for that chit show,

it'll occur some other time. I also did a normal blood panel, and had all of that looked up.

The only thing that was really a flag, CHAT-GPT gave me a nine and a half out of 10 for my bloods, but a little-- - Thanks, CHAT.

I know. - Doctor CHAT-GPT. I did get a doctor to review it as well, I was just more interested on it.

I said analyze me on a healthier population, because the bloods are done on an average of the average. Gosh, don't trust that.

Yeah, anyways, and then I also got therapy. Oh great. So this is a journey of what I've discovered

in getting your spark back. Excellent. So come along on the journey with us.

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lately, 'cause this is how it started for me. You're sleeping, you're taking weekends, you've tried all the vitamins, the holidays, the workouts,

you're doing less, so why on earth are you still exhausted? Right now we're living through a moment where so many of us are doing all the things,

yet we're waking up feeling completely depleted, and the wellness world keeps telling us just to reset our nervous system, if only it was that easy.

Yeah, just turn it off and turn it back on. Just like a computer. Yeah. (laughing)

Simple. But human biology does not work like that. What you need is nervous system flexibility,

which is what we're gonna learn a little bit out today. The ability to activate when life demands it, and recover truly afterwards.

Yeah. So in this episode, we're gonna introduce a concept that does change a way that you look at capacity debt.

So we're gonna run a mini diagnostic against the seven distinct types of tiredness, and pinpoint exactly where you are leaking energy,

and that will give you the AIA toolkit for today. Sound good? Yeah, sounds frightening.

Ready to get to the root cause? So the science around this, LB, is sleep and rest are not the same thing.

No. Believe it or not. I know.

So the autonomic nervous system flexibility is sleep supports tissue repair, memory consolidation, but it does not automatically down-regulate

a chronically activated sympathetic nervous system, meaning in more English is that when you go to sleep and you rest, it doesn't exactly reset

your fried nervous system. No, because you're still on. Yeah.

Irrespective of lying down. Yeah, and we lie down, we get up, we get on our phones, and we reactivate the same thing.

Exactly. So we're not reducing the baseline throughout the day. And there's three, I mean, essentially,

we're not really talking about burnout per se, but these are the signals of burnout. Yeah.

Exhaustion, which is the kind that sleep does not reverse or repair. Cynicism and detachment, just that creeping numbness

that it doesn't matter anymore. And inefficiency, which is the capacity debt. And if those three things are appearing in your life

at some stage, either individually or altogether, you are right in the middle of burnout. Yeah.

And that is a dangerous sign. Warning. Warning.

Your nervous system is fry. Yeah. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Everything's fine. I like to, like, I know my moments is where you turn the computer on

and you just stare at the screen. What am I doing here? I can't remember.

Yeah. Okay, so. Maybe you walk into a room, why am I here?

So what the parasympathetic engagement is when the body is carrying high cognitive or emotional strain.

So true recovery may require intentional low input or parasympathetic states rather than passive downtime, such as television or scrolling.

So in plain English, we are relearning how to downregulate without numbing. Yes, 'cause the sympathetic nervous system

is the stress response and it's a good thing to have stress in our life. Yeah.

'Cause it keeps us alert, it keeps us creative, it keeps us imaginative, it keeps us focused. Yeah, do you know there's science around surgeons

having a tiny bit of stress before your surgery or within your surgery has a greater outcome for you because everything's activated.

Yeah, right. And they're zoned in. Yeah.

'Cause stress really helps us dial in. Yep, and the parasympathetic nervous system is the rest, the pause, the play, the relaxation response.

Yep. And you can't activate the parasympathetic nervous system until you've downregulated the stress response.

Okay, so everyone take a breath. What tired are you?

Mentally tired, brain fog, difficulty process, complex information, cognitive fatigue, that's obviously mine 'cause I can't say the words.

Emotionally tired, carrying unexpressed feelings or over functioning as the emotional anchor for others. Decision tired, so choice fatigue,

fatigue from strategic decisions all the way down to what's for dinner, mum. Or dad.

Dad, Layne. Socially tired, science, fish bowl. Socially tired, over indexing on external interaction,

socially masking or constantly managing group dynamics. Sensory tired, so continuous low grade exposure to screens, ambient noise, notifications and stimulation.

Or purpose tired, performing high output work that is disconnected from your personal values. Well, I would say like purpose tired,

oh yeah, okay, I get that one. Yeah, the one that resonated the strongest with me was sensory tired, 'cause I am an introvert.

I'm an extroverted introvert and I've had a lot of sensory input over the last several weeks, months.

I knew that's why you threw your Oura ring out the window. That was the universe, L.B. The universe, you don't need this anymore.

No, that was accidental. I don't know about you, T.B., does anyone else have a shit ton of bogong moths

flying around their house? They found their way through nooks and crannies into my office and shit over everything.

You got these little cream dots and spots all around you. Yeah, it was a mess. I came home from a weekend away

and my office was covered in bogongs and shit everywhere. And I left my Oura ring on its charger and it was bogong poo all over it.

So I just opened up the window to help get the moths out and I shook the charger to get the poo off it and the ring flew off into the most dense part

of the garden with succulents and it is irretrievable. I just threw 600 bucks out the window and I cannot, can't find it, it's gone.

But it's fascinating 'cause you've been saying, oh, I'm looking at my data, I'm like, Layne I know, stop it.

Stop the, fuck the fucking data right now. Stop the data collection. So then my Apple Watch stopped working as well.

So I've been without the time and without data, without any reporting for a week now. And how does that feel?

I actually feel a little liberated. I do feel liberated by it. I'm like, well, screw it.

I'll notice how I'm sleeping and I'll just recognize how I'm feeling. So I'm becoming more accountable to myself.

Yeah. How I feel in my body and what I need. So is that gonna help your sensory tired?

Yes, because constantly seeking feedback from data is sensory overload. Constantly managing and monitoring

and reading is a bit of a sensory overload. So now, like I must admit, when I ran down and I have a surf yesterday,

I felt that I'm naked, there's something missing. I haven't hit start on my watch. I don't know how long I've been in the water.

Yeah, you were worried about your AIA vitality numbers. Yeah, because it's linked to my AIA vitality app and I need to get my status up from bronze to silver.

I do all the right things, but not having the accountability partner was a little unsettling at first.

And now I'm actually liberated. The one thing I miss from my watch is knowing the UV index and the temperature and just the weather things,

but I can resort back to my phone if I have to. Yeah, I mean, God forbid you could check on your mini computer phone.

Yeah, I feel that I'm mentally emotionally tired,

Which was all notifications? - Social media, just deleting social media, deleting, getting rid of my Oura ring, not tracking,

going back to reading my book, book? Your book book, not the Kindle book. Still have the Kindle book,

but I just tried to find a Kindle book, a normal book, just to reduce the amount of inputs that were coming into my brain.

At that point in time, I even normally online shop, like for food for the house to get it delivered and went to the farmer's markets.

It was so nice to meet the farmer and buy the vegetable. So you realize how much of your life is driven by sensory input to get efficiency

or accountability partners. And then we've disconnected from true connection, which is asking yourself, how really do you feel?

Where do these tomatoes come from? And what do I really need in this moment? Yeah.

Which is an important question to ask ourselves. Do I need stillness? Do I need a hug?

Do I need a therapist? Do I need to journal? Do I need to go play?

There's so many things, so many ways to answer the question, but it's having the courage to ask it and listen to what honestly comes through.

Yeah, 'cause I know that I was looking for a silver bullet, like, oh, your testosterone or estrogen's looking a bit low.

So that would explain why. But unfortunately, I don't have that. You've just got a business partner

that occasionally shows up. That's the-- That would be the purpose to performing high output work

that is disconnected from your personal values. 'Cause I have to prop Layne up all the time. She says she'll do something,

and then three weeks later, she finally does it. All right, so-- Actually, I told Kirk last night,

it's like, oh, I feel sorry for Tess. He's like, I feel like I should call her and just say you just have to constantly nag her

to get shit done, Tess. That's how you get the best out of Layne. And that sounds like a codependent relationship

that I don't want. Back to you, Kirk. KP, I'm gonna give you a rod

with a little electrocution on it, and then like, just get lit. Like a cow prod.

Okay, so a little bit of an-- Have a little T on it, or a little K on it? It's just L.

Ask yourself, what are you borrowing from? Adrenaline, caffeine, boundaries? Or even joy.

Joy. Are you borrowing from joy? Yeah. - Yeah.

Or I'm borrowing from pain. - Joyful moments. You're borrowing from pain? Yeah, like what are you utilizing to prop yourself up?

Yep, what keeps getting spent but never replenished? Yeah, what's your answer to that? What gets spent is my emotional or mental load

organizing everything for everyone. But the replenishment is meant to be, well, what I want it to be, is enjoying that moment too.

And because you're not enjoying the moment, it's not being replenished. Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah. And that's a me decision, and that's the hardest part about all of this not having a silver bullet,

is it is my mindset and my state that was getting me there. So I'm rewiring that. Righto.

What feels like rest but actually isn't, so doom scrolling, alcohol, high stimulus, socializing. Shopping. - Shopping.

That is a big one. Some tools for regulation that I am personally using, so non-sleep deep breaths.

So I've got one meditation that I do all of the time, so you can do it for 20 minutes during middle of the day. Showers, washing off the negativity, washing on joy,

like getting physically changing clothes, if you were in a sad state in one, physically changing your state.

Believe it or not, Layne and I have not done Tony Robbins. A lot of people say our work is like that, but neither of us have done it,

except I did it last week or two weeks ago. And he uses energy and dancing to change the state. And we always dance in our kitchen.

And then I went realizing this lower period, I've stopped dancing in the kitchen. So I've put the music back on and it is so good

'cause the house does get into it. And I always recommend it for like before dinner, after dinner for other people,

but somehow it just escaped out of mind. So music is back on in the house. Beautiful.

Yeah. - Yeah. So that's mine. Okay.

How do you, Dan, regulate that's not doom scrolling, alcohol or high stimulus socializing? 'Cause you do all of them.

Or surfing. See, surfing feels like rest, but I know it actually isn't. Isn't it?

No, 'cause it is physically depleting and it's tiring, but it's also joyful and fun. So it's a matter of just going out there and detaching--

Is that because you go for like two hours, like a two hour surf versus a 30 minute? I limited myself to 45 minutes yesterday

'cause I haven't surfed for quite some time. And it was good just to be in the water. And I noticed my mindset going into, oh, performance

or expectation or pressure. And I was like, no, just be out here and enjoy being in the water.

So that's a little bit more restful. So it's more the pressure I put on myself that takes the rest away from it, the fun away from it.

And then instead of running home, I walked home. Smart. Yeah, just honoring my energy reserves.

Yeah, so not getting doo-doo, BBB. Yeah, okay, yep. Where are you over functioning?

Under functioning in every aspect of my life right now. I'm under functioning at Awake Academy, I'm under functioning at home.

I over functioned yesterday by cleaning up all the moth stuff. I lost all the louvers, but lost my lowering.

But where am I? Yeah, 'cause that's actually interesting 'cause you can be under functioning or over functioning.

Both have that same negative feeling that you're not doing enough or you're doing too much and not getting anything out of it.

So we've been on opposite ends of that. Yeah, and just noticing how distracted you can be when you're functioning.

Yeah. So I know if I'm over functioning, I'm reading something, thinking about something else and then distracting myself

by doing something else and then coming back to what I'm reading. And then what was that thought again?

Oh, I've got to get that done and I'm just not present. I'm diagnosed ADHD. Oh, self diagnosed.

Yes TB, what's it telling you? Well, interestingly enough, before I did the DNA, I thought that perhaps I was training too hard.

Oh yeah. 'Cause all of the, like there's quite a bit of evidence coming out now saying like, hit is bad,

like too much hit is bad for you, particularly if you're in high stress environments to then drive your cortisol up and like it's again,

to try and downregulate. So soften the training load. And I thought that that's what I needed

because life is so highly intense. And then when I did this DNA testing, it showed me that actually my body needs high intensity.

It thrives off it. And I really do feel that. So giving myself permission to just go back into the gym

and go hard again has been so good. So good. Yeah.

So that was before I think I had a lot of like trapped energy and I'd let it out in the gym. But because I was trying to slowly regulate my body,

I was missing out on that load let go. So that was the scream. So if I don't let it out physically, you'll take it out.

I'll take it out. So yeah, movement, but deliberate, strong, fast movement for me is really good for my body.

Right. Yeah. I'll be interested to see what yours says.

Yeah, when I do it. What do you feel though? 'Cause all of this was just what I felt

that I was doing the wrong thing, but I was trying to read the science around it. Yeah.

My body's telling me right now before it has to scream is that I need to focus more on quality nutrition. Having been on holidays and traveling

and enjoying all the fun, it takes about three, if you're noticing that your body's a little bit, I don't know, just feeling like it's had too much

of something, whether it's alcohol or- Sluggy. Yeah, it's feeling sluggish and it takes three days

to eliminate that sluggishness. And I need to give it that three day gap and just be really conscientious about what I indulge in

or what I consume. You're still pretty good when you're on holidays. I am pretty good.

You're still like really- I maintain a sense of discipline, but I know right now that my body,

I've got the feather tickling and I don't want the brick. I've been there under the Mack truck several times when it comes to my body and my health and my nutrition.

I know that the body's whispering and I've got to listen. Yeah, nice. So I'm honoring that.

is a seven day capacity rebuild. One that I have been going on is days one and two, stop the bleed.

That sounds pretty dramatic. Yeah, it does. So throw your Oura ring out the window,

get rid of your Apple Watch, temporarily of course, disconnect from social media for a few days and just try and lower the inputs coming into your life.

And I started back with, what does a perfect morning look like? And that's where Chris was really helpful

'cause interestingly enough, I was getting the mum guilt even more during that time. So I was in the guilt bed for so long about,

'cause I like going to the gym in the morning, I'm flat lined in the afternoon, but I miss a little bit of that morning time with Benji.

So I was getting the guilt about that. So I was stopping going so I could spend more time with him. Yeah, it was an all or nothing.

We know we have to have the all or something mentality. I've gotten rid of that. Okay, how did you get rid of it?

I just had a chat with Chris and I just realized what's the cost. Did you talk to Benji about it?

He loves it. He loves playing with dad in the morning. Dad is super dad in the morning

and why would I get in the middle of that? No reason. I was like, hey, Benji's like, no mum.

I got dad's way more fun. Yeah, so I realized like I was just ruining the mood. So yeah, that was a good one.

Stop the bleed. And then having digital technology boundaries. Yeah.

Making sure that you're not using a phone in the first 30 minutes of the day and that you've blocked it off or taken it off

out of the bedroom at least an hour before bed. Yeah, and zoning is my absolute rule on this is you have to get your phone out of the zone

that you're in. So the phone is in my bedroom, which is about 20 meters down the other end of the house

locked in a drawer. Oh, okay. So it's not around me so that I can't, you know,

check here, check there. Yeah, it's, yeah, okay. All right, days three to four.

True rest. So non-sleep deep rest, I'll put the free meditation in the show notes as well.

Just trying to incorporate that into your day. Just once a day. The other thing I stopped doing was I was on a mission

to meditate every day. Yes, you were. For this year.

You put yourself under a bit of pressure. I did, and I was doing it for doing it. I wasn't actually doing it.

That's why they gamify it. So I stopped. Great.

I think I got to 300, whatever day we're, 200 and something days of every day. And I started doing just closing my eyes meditation,

which is the best, journaling what am I grateful for? And Chris and I do what am I grateful for in bed before every night.

Nice. But that was helping me get into a better state to sleep. Yeah, 'cause these apps tell you,

"Oh, you haven't meditated today. "Keep the streak going." Yeah.

It tries to keep you connected. Do you know what it even said to me? If you, if you've missed a couple of days,

but if you do it today, I'll continue your streak for you. No way, wow. Do it.

Yeah, quick, get on board. I know when I'm out surfing, I take moments of meditation. I learned this from Sadhguru, actually,

when I meditated with him, I actually interviewed him in front of 500,000 screaming Indians and fans. But he talks about the connection of breath with the ocean.

So I sit at the back when there's a gap between waves and I visualize as I inhale, the ocean's exhaling, and as I exhale, the ocean is inhaling.

And I just do that cycle and that becomes my meditation. Beautiful. Yeah, so you don't actually have to sit on a rock somewhere

and be in the Zen mode. You can actually incorporate meditation into any aspect of your day at any moment in your day.

It's just about being intentional about it. And that also, when it comes to true rest identification, is disconnecting from digital devices.

Yeah. Don't go for a walk without the phone or the watch. Sunshine breaks.

Sunshine breaks. Every 90 minutes, do a sunshine break. Good luck with that one.

Yeah. (laughs) At least two sunshine breaks throughout the day will actually regulate your nervous system,

reduce the cortisol and help you sleep better so you don't wake up at 3 a.m. every morning. Yeah, that was a big help for me.

Yeah, and boundaries. So where are you over functioning for someone else, including yourself, and where can you step back?

So that's days five to six, is boundary realignment. Yeah. So what one area of your life

are you giving too much of yourself away? And how can you create a boundary around that? What are you doing?

'Cause I mean, you do a lot. Well, I had the conversation with you yesterday and just said we need to even out.

Yeah, yeah. So that was good. As in Layne, pick up your shit and get going.

Yeah, that was a tough one because I knew you had been going through stuff too. So I was, you know, keeping the flame alive,

but I knew you were ready. So I was ready to have that conversation. So that was a big one.

Yeah, so that can, yeah, that's a really important one when it comes to boundaries, maybe having crucial conversations with somebody

that you feel like you've been holding back from. Yeah, or holding up for. Yep, and then day seven

is like a capacity benchmark for yourself, I guess. So establish a non-negotiable baseline to stay in balance. What would that be for you?

Like for me, I need to go and exercise every day. That's a non-negotiable. Non-negotiable, and the non-sleep deep rest

or just a quiet meditation in the afternoon before I do school pick up is critical 'cause it helps me transfer from boss bitch,

I know, just CEO, to mum. Yep, so this is all about what can you do daily, or no, weekly,

to help you maintain your capacity to show up. No chore Sundays. No chore Sundays, nice.

Yeah, why do we make Sundays our to-do list for the Monday? Yeah, it's supposed to be a rest day. Rest day, yeah.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. I actually worked with a professor, shout out Dr Bryce Vissel.

He's an incredible professor of the brain and spine, which is why I was working with him, and he says he's Jewish,

and that wonderful community and religion has Shabbat, and he said Shabbat has saved him on so many different times because it's forced rest and connection.

I just love that mentality, but my Shabbat is Sunday now. Nice. What about you?

Oh, of course, if I can't surf every day, it's a matter of exercising every day similarly, like moving my body.

I mean, I have my five-step morning routine, which has just become a habit now. It's about waking up and utilizing the first 60 minutes

before my brain, I mean, 60 seconds of my morning before my brain gets hijacked by the future or the past, and just being reaffirming and positively reaffirming

around my life and reciting my I Am mantra, then making my bed, and then brushing my teeth with my non-dominant hand and having a big glass of water.

So my baseline is literally making sure I'm moving my body and nourishing my body and doing things that light me up. So given that you've identified that your body is sluggish

and it's food that's mainly doing that to you, for someone, what's gonna be your weekly baseline around food now, 'cause that's where you're losing

your energy, or have? Well, no alcohol, so I'm gonna have an alcohol-free week just to give my body a break from all the festivities

that I've been enjoying. I'll speak to you on Saturday. Yeah. (laughing)

And then as much raw food as possible, or just non-processed food, as much as I possibly can. Yeah, that's a good one, good shout out.

And mine for that would just be, 'cause I've got a sensitive stomach, is cooking the raw food.

I used to think I'd just drown myself in salads. Yeah, yeah. - And that was just-- Nothing wrong with having cooked food.

Yeah, just making sure it's as close to food as possible. Yeah, non-processed food, right. Okay, so Dream Team, if this episode has resonated with you

Yeah. - There's one thing being aware of it, but the question you have to ask yourself every day is what are you gonna do about it?

Share this episode with an accountability partner, but share it with your vulnerability and your openness, like Layne and I constantly do with each other,

and say, "I need this from you," or, "Can you help me here?" It really does help build your relationship when you realise that you are both just trying

to walk each other back home to a gentle place, and just trying to help each other, really, 'cause if you don't have your energy, who are you,

and how are you showing up in life? And as a mum, I am the energetic centre of our family unit, and it is my responsibility to myself to feel the joy too,

and it makes me emotional 'cause I know that there are so many mums out there who, and parents, caretakers, who take on

all of this responsibility to do everything for everyone else, and the cup is full, it's just full of everyone else's joy, but not yours,

so my call out is allow yourself to feel the joy of what you've created, so take things out of your diary, just so that you can be with your family,

or with loved ones, and really experience that moment from a place where you deserve that love. So that is my toolkit for today.

Beautiful advice, that could be the do-it-for-life toolkit right there. Just enjoy, be joyful.

Be joyful. So next, the next episode we're gonna do in this is part two, is about why you can't get yourself

to do anything, even though you know all of the right things. (laughs) The intrinsic motivation.

Yeah, 'cause that was a real help for me. So until that time, reduce your capacity debt. Yeah.

Start doing things that spark joy, and-- Stay awake. Yeah, have a sunshine break after this episode

if you can, 'cause it was a big one, and we love you guys, we'll see you next week. Toodles!

Awake is the center of human performance. So if you wanna bring more energy, motivation, and connection to your team--

Reach out to us at [email protected].