Perimenopause, Burnout, Friendship and Letting Go

tools to beat burnout and boost happiness, hosted by us, Tess Brower, and seventime world champion Lane Beley. We're the founders of Awake Academy. This podcast mixes raw life lessons, expert wisdom, and practical tips to help you stop sleepwalking through life and start living it on your terms. You ready to wake up and thrive? Let's go. Before we begin, we have a quick favor to ask. If this podcast has been landing for you, please hit subscribe and leave us a rating or review. It helps us grow the show and keep bringing these conversations to more people.

people. And actually, people buy our soul map a lot of people between the hours of 2 and 3:00 a.m. Okay. Well, then keep Googling at 2 a.m. Isn't that interesting? So, you're looking for answers. The majority of people are buying it between 2 and 3:00 a.m. And that's not a server thing. So, if you want to buy our soul map, it's a really good place to start so you've got a clear. Well, it gives you a lot of answers about who you are, who you are, and where you're at. Yeah. At 2 a.m. At 2. You'd be better off sleeping. All right. Up at 5 and doing it, no. No.

And I didn't have glandular fever before I got chronic fatigue. So, I don't think I had perimenopause before I hit menopause. I just went straight into it. Well, not that I was aware of anyway, but I actually thought I was going mad and perhaps that was perimenopause. So, all of the symptoms such as rapid heart rate. I actually went to a cardiologist thinking I was having a heart attack. Nope. Heart was fine. Just part of perimenopause. What else is there? Brain fog. Perhaps I'm still in menopause cuz brain's not working very well. Brain fog, poor concentration, memory loss. You're not going crazy. You are in perimenopause. Weight gain around your belly, too. Yeah, around your midriff. What else? Gosh, I don't know. Read the books. But honestly, check out Dr. Stacy Sims. But truly, I think it's when you think you're going crazy, it's perimenopause. And if nothing's triggered it, like if no big traumatic event or incident or series of events have triggered this buildup of I've lost control kind of thing, then it's a good indication of perimenopause. So nice to see businesses supporting women going through that time now cuz I have a we have a dear friend Michelle and she said she would be sitting in a board meeting and just forget the topic and the company and that's not a place you want to be in in a board meeting in chronic fatigue. So sometimes you can just be so overwhelmed and so overloaded carrying the mental load, the physical load, the emotional load that it's very easy for your memory to be wiped. But it can also be menopause. And I've noticed just in myself. Are you in perimenopause? I mean by age definition I am.

So, he could read you. So he could read me and know when to stay away. And I remember not that long ago I picked up his phone and the app was open on his phone. So he was obviously looking to see like am I in the danger zone? Is this shark week? And I looked at him. I was like what the. And I was like calm down. He's just trying to check in without checking in. He's trying to manage your bless you Chris. The hardest part about perimenopause and I did want to go and get a blood test. But I know that you can't it doesn't show up necessarily in your bloods, but more so from that episode with Dr. Stacy Sims, we'll link it below, taking action. I was really fearful of it, but now I wrote a whole thing about how I'm prepping for Perry. Oh, did you? Yeah. Because I feel like there's so much fear around it right now. For me personally, every ad I get is about perimenopause. The fear that I'll go crazy, that I'll lose my hair, that I'll start forgetting everything, that you know, like so there is a lot around that that I'm getting older, but if I prep for Perry, I'll sail all through it a little bit easier than what I would just doing it blind. And I think that's the hardest thing about people going through Perry and menopause is that we've done it blind for a very long time. What's that app? I need to get the flow. Well, your aura app will track it. Okay. Yeah. No, I want yours. So, you can monitor me. Yep. Maybe I am going through my period for about 12 years. I don't need to worry. Oh, so still on this. Did it affect your mental health? Because nobody warned me about that part. Yeah. Well, actually depression, anxiety, and brain fog are the first signs of perimenopause. Oh, really? So, I definitely went through perimenopause. It's not just hot flashes. And one of the most interesting things is that a lot of women do start on anti-anxiety tablets thinking that that's what's going on, but it's just perimenopause. So, you misdiagnosed with depression in actual fact or in your case, ADHD. I still think you've got that. I do too. Yeah, I actually think I'm maybe autistic or I got Aspergers, something. I mean, I'm definitely on the spectrum. The way that I've lived my life and the way I go about things and the way that I just say without thinking just I think is a part of that underlying. I wouldn't I wouldn't say that at all. Anyway, but what is really interesting is yes, it did affect my mental health for sure. To the point where I was quite anxious, quite depressed, I lost my confidence and always secondguessing, doubting myself, didn't want to appear in a room. I think about this, it's one in six women experience depression or anxiety around perimenopause and menopause. I think about all of the businesses I've worked in with women going through this but not knowing that like how do you show up or the moms like how do you show up when you're experiencing well I mean you don't even know what you're experiencing you just think I'm just having a bad day I just need to take a day off knowing actually I'm in the midst of perimenopause. And yeah it's a pretty challenging time to navigate. I'm really glad that we're having the conversations about it. There's so much more knowledge and expertise and resources out there for women to draw upon. I think that the greatest source of wisdom and there goes menopause. It's just like where was I going with that? The greatest resources are women talking to other women about their personal experiences because not two women will go through it the same. Well, even sex life. Yeah. What's that? Yeah, but that would be really hard. That's a total change in a relationship because of perimenopause, menopause. And no one's talking about that. No. Well, maybe they are behind closed doors. Maybe. But it's blamed on there's something wrong with us, not that there's something wrong in your hormones. Like your hormones are absolutely changing. We're actually going to get a sexologist on here. Fantastic. Yeah, that'll be fun.

The incidence of them has definitely lessened. I also noticed that my hot flushes are stress response as well. So if I'm forward thinking, forward planning, feeling overwhelmed, thinking too much about what's to come, then I get a hot flash. If I'm thinking about my dad, I get a hot flash. So I have to be proactive in my response to stress and recognize that I'm a silent stressor as well. And be proactive in meditation and nutrition and hydration and rest and recovery. So it lowers my stress response. So I have more resilience when the workload is heavier and when I do have to show up then I'm not so wound up about it.

though you know the science, you know that it works. You know the risks. And the thing is, cognitive behavioral therapy, we have the capacity to talk ourselves in and out of anything. We have the capacity to make something real or unreal. I just have to open up my mind and just go give it a chance. To your point, keep things in my phone as a reference point to what's happening and what isn't happening, what I'm noticing, what I wish was happening, and that way I can keep a record cuz we forget how good we feel and we forget how bad we feel.

of the power of belief. Right? So if you're putting this cream on thinking, oh, I only believe in the herbal way and like it's amazing how you can block it. Yes. And so I've stopped blocking. Okay. So the story is now. The story is now I open myself up to the possibility that this can help me. No, that's not a good story. It's terrible because you're not believing and trusting in the cream that you're putting on you that is going to. So of course it's not working. No. Okay. So, the story is I believe this can help me. There you go. This is helping me. Okay. This is helping me. I have to get away from the belief and just accept that it's helping me. Yeah, that is you're right. That's 100% right. This is helping me and there's nothing wrong with taking it and you know I'd started investing in what's the science saying about women who have been in menopause for 10 years because the science suggests as Stacy had told me that for over 10 years it increases your likelihood of cancer and all of these other things but you know what just give it a crack give it a go.

concentration and less ability to show up and less vitality and energy and keeping gaining weight and all of the things that was really worrying me. So what happened to me in menopause is it became an obsession about all of the things that were going wrong and all the things you needed to do. It was like a constant check. I need to do this this this as well. On top of what was going wrong. So I didn't know what to do from then on and I didn't have the energy to do any of it. So I just surrendered to it. Went, oh this is my life. What I love about what you applied was the toolkit. So the natural, the herbal, the self accountability, like changing the lifestyle factors or the environments that weren't serving you and then you chose HRT to support you. Rather than here, take this pill, it'll fix you. Or it's the same with Ozempic. Like I know that it's terrible for weight gain is terrible for people like cardiovascular health, increased risk of cancer, increased risk of autoimmune disease. So yes, have the Ozempic, get back on your life, but also fix your diet, fix your lifestyle, get therapy because a lot of it is emotional and start to build some healthy foundations so you don't have to use it for life. That's right. And I feel like people are just given this, well, we're looking for silver bullets so we don't have to do the work. Just fix it. That's why people that perhaps have physical injuries just go and get surgery when in actual fact they could be a consistent practitioner in rehab and yoga and meditation and decompress from stress and take out inflammatory things from your diet. Like there's a lot of little things that you can do that make significant impacts over a long time.

what's going on in your life? If you're exhausted all the time, then perhaps you just need to do a life audit and a stock take of how are you choosing to live your life? Are you accepting expectations and pressures from others? Are you projecting that on? Do you feel supported? Have you pushed that away from you? Like what where are you at? And I look at energy like what are you fueling yourself with currently? Energy drinks, caffeine, how do you talk to yourself? How much time are you spending on your phone? How much time are you spending on your phone? We know that depletes your energy. Okay. Number two. So, and then once you've done your screen time check, if you are spending a lot of time on your social media platforms, delete them. Or you'll realize where are you spending most of your time? Because sometimes it could be, oh, I don't have social media, but I watch too much TV or whatever is screen time. All right. Number two, what exercise are you doing? Are you doing any? A 20 minute walk is better than a 30 minute run. Like it's just get outside and exercise first thing in the morning. You're more likely to spend less money, be more energized, and making healthy food choices if you exercise first thing in the morning. As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micronutrition has an amazing product called Sleep Support. It has three different types of magnesium powder and passion flower, which just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do get as a mom. So, visit micronutrition.com.au and use the code awake10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years and I've constantly been looking for something to help me create mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine. But cordyceps, turkey tail, ginseng, ginkgo, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really natural good stuff and it's good for you. So if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, wake up is your pill. You'll find it on our website, awakeacademy.com.au. And number three would be nutrition. How are you nourishing yourself once you've started moving your body? So, what is it that you're ingesting when it comes to sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and fried food and people? And people, cuz that's going to lead me to number four, and we can end on four. Okay. Well, we can keep going. Is your energy audit is start saying no. Where can you start removing things from your life, not adding? So, embrace the hell yeah, no model. If it lights you up, do it. If it doesn't, it's a no. It's a no. All right. If you're exhausted all the time, instead of looking for the silver bullet, let's scale it back and ask myself, what am I doing now that's potentially leading to exhaustion consistently?

was suggesting to me, slow down. Take a break. You need to rest. And I ignored it. The body whispers before it screams. My body was screaming at me. And I still pushed through that. I was showing up to training in the middle of winter in the pouring rain, sick as a dog with the flu and I basically had said I was proving to myself and the world, I can do this. Irrespective of how sick I am, I can do this. I can push through this. And then I wonder why I have chronic fatigue. On top of the fact that I didn't know how to rehydrate or nourish my body or put protein in my body. This is actually into the next question is how do you stay physically healthy without it becoming an obsession or another thing to succeed at? Oh, how does your health not an obsession? It's not for some people. I know, but it needs to be. It's different though. It's I feel like we've landed on this a couple of times is like what is your why around health and vitality? And sometimes it might be like be able to surf into my 80s. Okay. So then you want to and you want to look good in a bikini still. I want to look good in a bikini. Yeah. So, there's vanity and productivity and purpose. And you're relentless in that. I'm not relentless in it, but I just choose it because everything comes back down to how you want to feel. And I just want to feel confident within my body. I want to feel strong. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel energetic. So, that's why when people have kids, they're like, oh, I need to change my life because I want to be here when you're around or I want to run with you in the park. It's heavy duty. Mine is I want to feel strong so I can keep lifting Benji at the moment. Like that's my changes. Well, Peter writes about this in his book Outlive about the longevity discussion around longevity and it's all around health span. So the health span is working back from where you want to be in 20 years time. For example, do you want to be able to still travel? Do you want to be able to carry your own luggage? Do you want to be able to put it up into an overhead locker? Do you want to be able to pick up your grandchildren? Do you want to be able to walk two blocks with your own groceries? Do you want to be independent? Do you want to be strong? Do you want to be able to sit up and sit down and stand up without support? Like, you think about all the little things that you may take for granted now because you're in your 40s, but then are you still going to be able to do those things in your 70s? Don't wait till you're 70 before you start building up your capacity to do it. Start now.

I treated myself in my 20s was brutal. I just pushed and pushed and neglected and abused. So, my 30s was challenging. Well, that's why your 50s is starting strong. Yeah. I mean, a little hiccup with food poisoning.

city. And like it was great to be part of some of the biggest deals in Australia and it was like that was fun. But I don't miss her. I don't grieve her at all. I am sad for her. Do you grieve? Is there any grief around the life that you love that you lived? No. No. No. Because I've filled it with things that I really love doing. So it's impossible to grieve that. But you have JOMO, not FOMO, right? Yeah. I love missing out now. Joy of missing out versus the fear of it. It's just more I just the grief is different cuz I'm grieving for her that she put herself through all of that pain. Self talk, self-sabotage. What about you? Ditto. Yeah. I don't grieve her. I can't even relate to her. Do you miss competing and well, we've identified that, but do you miss spraying yourself with champagne and flying around the world? No, I do. Yeah, I do. I still spray myself down with champagne weekly. No, I loved the life that I live. I sometimes grieve the intensity in which I lived it. So, I grieve the fact that I wish I had more fun with it because I was so fiercely focused and driven. And I'm grateful that I woke up to that in the latter years of my career. But I've always reconciled grief with gratitude. It's what I did on my mother's deathbed. You know, when we were grieving the fact that we didn't have that 15 years that we had together, we barely spoke and really didn't connect, that we forgave each other after she died. I grieve the fact, God, I had so many opportunities that I missed. And then I reconcile that with I'm so grateful I had that last five minutes with her. So, I've always reconciled grief with gratitude. That's beautiful. Thank you.

best out of each other and we stand behind each other and we support our weaknesses and our strengths. And deep down, I just think it's such a unique partnership because we just care so deeply about each other first and foremost. Like nothing will get between that. So I from my perspective we see each other, we hold the space for each other, we allow each other to be seen by the other and we trust each other wholeheartedly. So it that empowers us to have those crucial conversations, those moments where you just want to punch me in the face for once. And that's what I love about our partnership as well. Like yes, it's hard. I mean, every relationship's hard. no matter how much you love each other. But the beauty about this dynamic is we always put our friendship first and that's what empowers us to have those discussions. It's funny cuz like something came up the other day and it needed Chris, you and I on the phone and I said to Chris, I need to be one-on-one with LB first. Before we even pull up a budget or a spreadsheet. And if not a couple of weeks in advance as well because we need time to process it. And he's like, this needs you now. And I said, I don't care. And I remember you and I got on the phone and did what we always do and just cried and held space. And like this is the first time we've run businesses like this in this dynamic. Like we're still figuring it out as well. And I think that has given us the release like we just we're working it out. We are figuring it out as we go. We're winging it as Mr. Zach's always. We're winging it. And that I feel is part of the success and longevity of this is like we're obsessed with the impact that we make on our own lives and our friendship and other people's lives. So that gives me drive. We put our lives first. And like I just remember crying like deep, both of us just balling our eyes out and doing therapy with each other and you said, oh, I wish I pressed record. So yeah, the question is, is it hard? The struggle is real. But you have to lean into pain for it to grow and you to shine and to build trust. You can't build trust with someone when it's all good all the time. That's never all good all the time. And I feel like that was one of the things I learned with us is who are you when shit's not going right and do you have am I safe with you? And sometimes I feel safer with you than I do with my own thoughts. Yeah. I definitely don't feel safe with my own.

on to an illusion or an ideal or an image that is no longer who you really want to be. And then you can start crafting who that truly is. So I in my 40s was holding on to the relevance of being a former world champion and still you know being the fit healthy strong thing and being the spokesperson and the ambassador and the charity run like just let go Layne and step into something more impactful more meaningful. You don't know what that is yet but open yourself up to that. So being the control freak stopped me from being able to embrace those learnings sooner in my life. So as we say in our t-shirts, live, learn, and let go. So live, learn, and let go. Live, learn, and let go. So let go. Let go. Go ugly early. What would you say? Well, on that note, go ugly early as like have the courage to get on your hands and knees and take a good hard look at yourself. On your hands and knees. Well, yeah. But for me it was like that's the moment of surrender is like let yourself lose yourself and it can't get any harder than that. Well it might but that's okay. You've got it. You know you've got what you need to get it all done. And once you learn to surrender to that you can't get any more hurt. That's why acceptance is the end of all suffering. So I remember thinking to myself in those moments of total loss like who the hell am I? What am I going to do? like no job, no car, no money, no home, no clothes, nothing. And like who am I? But I had no reference of who I wanted to be. So it was. And then I bring you a book, Live Your Dream Life. It was a quest of well, who do you want to be? And I had never given myself that grace or time to process, well, who do I want to be? And then it was a matter of, okay, well, who is that person? and starting to look for other people who could expand me in that way and who I could see myself in cuz you can't see a quality in others if you don't have it in yourself. Exactly. And every quality that you draw from others exists within you. So if you're drawing inspiration from us, it's because you have inspiration within you. So you can't ever project it outside of you. But asking the question, who do I want to be? Then sets you up for what do I want to do? Okay. Perfect. Last question. What does the next chapter look like for you? And what are you genuinely excited about? I have no idea. I really don't. Lane's a bit brain dead today. She's got food poisoning. Let me ask you that question. What does the next chapter look like and what are you genuinely excited about? I'm genuinely excited about what we do with the Awake business and where we grow. We've got some incredible opportunities coming up. Our men's event has gotten bigger and better. We've got the support of the government behind us now and wanting to do impact change and the fact that two women are leading that is crazy to me. Well, not leading it are a part of it. So yeah, this podcast is growing and I'm excited about the people that we can bring in and help people help themselves. And I'm excited in myself and my relationship like at home is just the growth that I've experienced in myself and who I am. So just to keep growing. Beautiful. Have you got yours now? Oh look, the next chapter always involves travel, adventure, surfing. So the earlier question is business together hard. Yes, especially when the waves are pumping. Look at my value. Maybe we need another chat possibly. But to your point, yes, I'm excited about the growth of this business and just the continuous growth that I experience in my life and my relationships and just maintaining health and vitality and opening my arms up and my heart up to whatever it is, whatever comes next cuz I am the author of my own story. There you go. So to be the author of your own story, please come and join us in the Awake Collective. Or continue following us on our podcast where you get little snippets of us every week. So from us to you, take control of your life, be your own author, and choose happiness. Yes, I love that. We'll look forward to seeing you next week. Toodles. Toodles. Have you been listening to this episode and thought, mic drop. Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist. Welcome to the Awake Collective, where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. It is life transformative. Right, LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, then the Awake Collective is for you. So, come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au and join us for monthly coaching, a community that supports you and tools that you can use in your life to thrive. Let's go. See you there. Before we close, we just want to gently remind you that Awake Academy is not a licensed mental health service. And this podcast is not a substitute for personalized mental health advice, assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. What we share here is general in nature and is designed to offer reflection, insight, and practical tools for everyday life. Therapy can be life-changing, and we deeply encourage you to speak to your GP about your mental health and wellbeing options. If this conversation brought something up for you, please do not sit with it alone. Reach out to someone you trust. Speak to your GP. And if you need immediate support in Australia, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14. You are not alone.