Kemi Nekvapil on Worthy of the Ask

trained by Brene Brown herself studied the leadership at the gross national happiness center of Bhutan and her podcast the shift series ranked number one globally. She is a flower farmer which I love which tells you everything about how she lives and what she teaches and she has personally coached the one the only Layne Beachley. We want to get into that later Kemi. So, if you've ever felt exhausted by your own competence, if you're the person everyone relies on and can't remember the last time you asked for something just for you, well, this episode will light you up. I'm going to say, why not? Why not? So, Kimmy, we are stoked you are here today. Thank you for being for taking the time. We always start here and that's asking the question about your own personal wakeup call. Was there a particular wakeup call where you managed to understand yourself better, find your voice, find your power, use your voice? Like, was there one defining moment or was it a series of events that's led you to being where you are today? Well, firstly, what I would like to say is thank you for inviting me onto the podcast. I've listened to a few episodes as well and I've thought about this question and I will only give one answer but I have had so many wakeup calls through my life and through my career because I

work with, how I work is being very tuned into how does this feel to be here? And the moment that I feel, especially with like being an entrepreneur, as I know that both of you would probably feel as well just with creating the podcast and your work is when I have that sense of boredom. Like when I just feel like I feel like I'm on rope now. I feel like I'm not getting to express myself and who I am in this season of my work or my life. That is always a wakeup call for me. And I don't take too long to shift or pivot. When I get that feeling, I don't sit on it. I'm like, "Okay, what is the thing that needs to be done next?" Cuz as a corporate athlete, I mean, you almost prided yourself on being on route and just continuously found your groove in that. Would that be a correct? It was, but I had so many shiny things in front of me like, "Yeah." Yeah. Oh, Tess, do you want to go in the coaches boxes of the AFL team this weekend? Yeah, sure. Oh, do you want to like can you open this? Can you do like there was always shiny things. The mundane stuff became like bread and butter. Um, but it was always really exciting because we were always doing new things. What was tough was going home and being bored at home. Yeah. Um, slowing down, tuning into what I wanted. Like so to me it was um I almost felt alive at work and dead at home and that is such a wake up that was a wakeup call for me and I'm reflecting on your you know the entrepreneur entrepreneurialship. I don't get bored because I work with Lane and she keeps me on my toes. Um and we do such impactful work but I'm reflecting on like the boredom really was I had no life outside of work. That was my That's how I interpreted that. What about you? Yeah, like I reflect on my professional career and I have a saying, Kemmy, and I think I've told you this one before, that only boring people get bored. And so I I I very rarely experience boredom. And I I crave boredom because that's where creativity really occurs as well because I'm not being distracted. I sense perhaps that's why we have such a distracted society today is because we're all seeking something away from boredom. Uh as opposed to actually sitting in it and like Chem just said is asking myself how do I feel right now. Um, as an athlete, I was I never really gave myself permission to sit and ask myself how I feel because I was in this relentless pursuit of achieving, doing, creating, being that I I'd never really just sat well more doing than being. I never really just sat and just allowed myself to ask myself, how do I feel right now? And I'm obviously, well, not obviously, I am getting better at that as I get older because I realize now I don't have that endless reservoir of energy and focus and attention. And I have found myself in those ruts, and this is the the question I'd love to ask you now. So, when you do find yourself in a moment where you're dissatisfied or uncomfortable, what do you do next? Yeah. And Kemmy, I'm so interested that of all of the wakeup calls you had and you've had an extraordinary life, why why that one? What was the boredom that encouraged you to shift or change that you felt that that was the best wakeup call today? Well, I I just remember well as I said that there were quite a few. There was my husband and I taking our kids out of school when they were 9 and 11 to travel around Australia for 387 days. And the wakeup call from coming home back to Melbourne at that point was I like the city and of all cities I love Melbourne but I do not want to spend my life living in the city which is why we bought a farm 5 years ago which is now our permanent home. So that was a wakeup call but just that feeling of how does

so bored and yet my head was telling me but you've got a standing ovation but these people love what you're doing you can just keep doing this again and again and again and again and you'll keep getting the same results and I just thought, but I'm bored of telling the same stories about the same thing and I want to take the time to look at how can I now contribute to the audiences that I stand in front of where there is that I wouldn't say that I'm a a big risk you know I'm I'm not someone that kind of goes toward risk obviously you know athletes yourself like there's a there's a level of risk that you are trained to go into and although I I have done a lot of endurance it's kind of a controllable risk risk, you know, but I've always been willing to take the risks that allow me to feel that I'm contributing my best in whatever situation I find myself in. So for me, I think I I wanted to share, you know, that the thread of the wakeup call as opposed to one particular one, although I suppose I've given you two now because it's been very much as someone who has had, you know, Lane's mentioned meditation. I have been meditating and practicing yoga for over 30 years now. I I really listen to what my body tells me. Um, and it does take practice to listen to our bodies. I think we do live in a world where we can be distracted from everything that matters to us with this full sense that no, no, no, this should matter as opposed to taking the time and the stillness and the space to ask ourselves the questions, what actually matters to me in this season of my life. And for me that is one of the most important and it's a question of wealth. It's kind of a question of wealth to be able to give ourselves the time in a world that's trying to take our time. Yeah. And the the the really important thing there is around the season that we're in because we do all go through seasons. So something about that standing on stage and receiving that standing ovation. It's so validating.

question. I think it was a full body yes to not this anymore. Gosh, that's so profound. A full body yes to change. Yeah. Yeah. Full body yes to it's time to change. I'd love to invite everyone listening today to learn through Kem's poetic statement of her life. What is success to you right now in this season of your life? And a full body know is one of the best things you can have. Right. So what did you do? you received this full body no. It was a full body yes towards something else. I love that. That's the title right there. What did you do in that moment? Cuz I can name maybe 10 people I'm thinking of right now that we work with who are who are in these like really pivotal moments of their life that don't know what to do now. What did you do? Good question. I probably would have sat and journaled a lot and meditated, but not to think about it, I would have moved it through my body over a period of time. Um, I think whenever any of us have these full body yeses or nos, it doesn't necessarily mean that we're jumping off of the cliff. You know, one of the things that I share in my book, Grounded Success, is that for some of us, and this is why we have to understand who we are, and we do change, but for some of us, we get that full body Yes. And we're like, right, I'm jumping off the cliff. I'm going, "Yep." And for others of us, it's like, right, I want to go and have a look over the cliff. Okay, how far is it down? Okay, I want to source an eco-friendly mattress, recycled wood, build a ladder. That's going to take a little bit of time. Might want to make sure there's some snacks on the way down so that when I land, I have created the perfect place where I feel safe. For some people's nervous systems, the idea of jumping off a cliff is paralyzing and or that that is not an option. is just actually not a a reasonable option in that season of life. Where for others, it can just be like, yep, I'm just going to shake it all up and whatever, you know, the chips will fall how they may fall and I'll work it out because they have a a knowledge of themselves of being able to work it out. For others have different levels of risk. For me,

head would have been around what am I hearing from audiences what am I learning from my clients what seems to be the theme of what is showing up that women leaders whether that's entrepreneurs whether that's corporate what am I noticing is needed right now and then how can I contribute what is needed and oh and that really lights me up. Oh, sorry. That's the other thing. That's the most important. That's the most important bit. And what was that? What were you hearing, seeing, feeling, and int what was your in intuition telling you? And was it right? Yeah. Oh, 100% right. So, this was at the beginning of my business here in Australia where I was doing a lot of um raw food and this idea of adding more energy to your life gives you life. What I was noticing was that regardless of how many times I would say to mainly women in the room, this is not about weight. This is not about dress size. This is about adding mother earth's energy to your body to give you a sense of clarity um and energy about the life you want to live. It didn't matter how many times I would say that. I would have women say the equivalent of yes, but does cucumber have more calories than celery? Oh wow. And which was funny. the first few times. Yeah. And sad until it actually made me really sad and I thought I actually and it was a time when Instagram was just starting. So then there was um a lot of kind of the raw food stuff coming onto Instagram which was the complete opposite to my philosophy which was don't change what you're eating, just add more raw to what you're eating. Still eat cake, still have your coffee, still do your thing, do your thing, just add a little bit more. And but the Instagram message became it's about diet and weight loss. And I just thought I need to step out of this. I either have to fight this space. I've never been into that to be honest. I thought or I can just step back. I can step out. And I realized I want to create a space where women can work out how they want to spend their life and who they want to be while they're living it. So I shifted from the food space into well-being. And well-being for me is everything as in health. It's inputs, media inputs, friendships, relationships, work, contribution, delight, joy. And I thought I want to create a space for women to show up and answer those questions, not whether cucumber has more calories than celery. And it's a beautiful space that you've created and you've done it beautifully. I just I want to go back just to round that whole conversation out around risk because you were talking about standing at the edge of the cliff. for women to step into this space is going to take an enormous amount of risk because it's going to be uncomfortable to do something differently. Have you found because what you said resonated with me in regards to uh the risks that I've

parent. Do you know what I mean? I now have two young adults that have left home and the ri I mean not that I feel like it's a risk, but it is a risk. Like I wanted to raise independent children. I have raised independent children and they take risks. And the risk for me as a parent is knowing that balance of when to step in and when to step out, you know, like risking taking away the agency and autonomy that I wanted to give them even when I as a parent could just be like, "Oh my lordy, that is not a good idea." You know, but also not wanting to risk that they would ever doubt that I trust them and their capacities and capabilities. um which is very different than letting them climb the tree. You know, I was I actually I listen I've listened to a couple of the podcasts and Lane, you were talking about healthy neglect. I raised my children very intentionally with very very deep levels of healthy neglect. I would let them climb the tree. I never said, "Oh, be careful." No, it's like I'm here if you fall. I would never run to my children unless they actually screamed. kind of just stand up and climb back up 100%. When we're in our 20ies, for those of us that love travel, you do take risks. You do things, but once you have a mortgage, say, or you have responsibilities or you're looking after elderly parents, the risks you take have to change within the seasons. I think that's how we honor the seasons of life. I think the dangerous thing is to take risks that kind of don't match the season that you're in. So, for example, if you are someone that in a season of mental health crisis or just having to manage your mental health, that maybe isn't the time to go to a Thai full moon party, any of the listeners that have ever been to one of those, drink the mushrooms and then come home. Yeah, exactly. you know, the passion might be a great time, but also the passion could be a really bad time to kind of sit in your brain with a group of strangers for 10 days in the middle of nowhere. Maybe that's not a risk to take then um or exactly taking mushrooms and going off on a canoe to some random island, you know. So, um you know, very extreme versions of that. But I do think there are but I think it's a great question to ask ourselves for those where we're wanting that sense of I I want the different thing. And I'll ask my clients, you know, what would be the most risky thing for you to do right now? What would be the least risky, like the most safe? And then depending on the client, and what does the middle look like? You know, it doesn't have to be the most risky, but what does the middle look like that for you, for your nervous system and your current responsibilities is a risk that you're willing to take and you're willing to meet whatever those circumstances or consequences might be. because you started the conversation talking about we obviously talk about intention and intuition and having the

off stage. And that that was really simple. But then this year I decided to retire from club surfing, from competing for my boardwriters club. And that's the one that I need the ladder, the mattress, and the snacks from. So I'm just noticing I'm wondering whether I'm I'm seeking to protect my ego in that stance or it's just I'm not trusting in my ability to step back. Like there's there's a lot of dynamics to be considered when especially when you're competing for a club. So, you know, there's that element and especially we find this with women, right, Kimmy, where we're afraid of letting others down and we've got a scarcity mentality and we have expectations on ourselves, which are the

have egos and when they are at play and there's nothing wrong with them as we've spoken about it's our ego that gets us out of bed in the morning. It's being able to say ah my ego needs a little bit of comfort actually and so I do need a mattress and some really good snacks for this exit. Yeah, you know, but it's being able to say yeah I have an ego and it would be wounded if I jumped off of the cliff and this is how I'm going to look after myself. We're all human beings with egos. Um, regarding women and their power, I mean, it depends on the woman. As you know, I'm not a fan of top tips, but it depends on the woman. It depends on in what area of her life she's feeling powerless. For some, it could be inherently in her body, wherever she is, wherever she's going. For others, it's in a particular room with a particular person or particular people. And once again, as a coach, the most powerful tool I have is to mirror back and to ask questions. So, can I ask my question? Sorry, can I just interrupt and ask you this in this moment? We love to make ourselves the guinea pigs in this podcast because it gives we ask people to learn with us and through us because we are the mirrors to them as well. Would you mind? Would you be so gracious to use your tool, not your top tip, with LB to help her through this moment that she is stuck in? What was that noise that that's just LB's just been volunteering? Tess always volunteering me to do something. I I did live coaching, too. So, what is the current struggle or process, Lane? the the current struggle or process is that I have said to my club, my local board riders club that I don't want to compete any longer and they still wholeheartedly invest in me and believe that or they know because I know that I'm the best female surfer at the beach. So, they rely on me to perform for them and I've raised the right flag is that I retire. I don't want to compete anymore. And they've basically said, "We need you to help us qualify." Mh. Um, so I bas I said I'm done and they said resignation declined. And then I said I just don't want to do this in because I love surfing so much but I don't enjoy it as much when I've got a jersey on unless it's just an expression session. So it's a freedom to perform as opposed to the demand to perform. And then I said to the team recently, all right, I'll help you qualify this year and then I'm done. I'm done. So I kind of keep retiring and keep coming back. And as like as a personal input here, Kami, one of the saddest moments I've ever seen Lane in is her competing and not being happy within herself. And that's why there was so much there was so like it was like a wounded like she was like a wounded puppy is the energy that I had where she was like I just I've lost the joy and the fun in this and I don't think this is serving me anymore. too much pressure. There was so much pressure. And um one of her surfing coaches once said to her like, "You've lost the dance, LB." Like, "Remember to dance." Which was so beautiful. As a friend, I was watching her decline mentally because you you weren't you were just it was there was so many different pressures coming into your life. And I just felt like, well, does this serve you? And you said, "No." Yeah. So, yeah. Well, to be honest, it sounds to me, obviously, we're not going to do a full coaching session, but to be honest, it just sounds to me that you've already made you've already made the decision that you're going to help them qualify for this year, and then you're out. Yes, that's it. I'm done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, there the Yeah, that was it. And and the only next question I would ask is what are the what's the support that you need to put around you? What do you what are the tangible things you need to put in place to not recant on the boundary once you put it in place? You know, so what I'm

we can't do this without you because we're socialized to be needed and to be available and to make sure that everyone around us has what they need to be needed. So to be able to go, oh, actually what I need in this season of my life is to live in integrity with myself. So then it just becomes so what do I need to put in place to make sure that I'm in integrity with myself and just staying true to that boundary and just going after this I am not I'm not succumbing to the seduction and it's amazing like with someone who's done so much work and selfwork on your worthiness especially being adopted being needed is such a big lesson for you that when you hear needed you go you retract Because it's like I can I see this in your work life as well. So many people need your name to do X Y and Zed and that shuts you down. Yeah. Unless I really really want to be there. Yeah. Unless you really want it. But then because your adoptee mentality comes in and go, "No, I've got to put myself out there. I've got to be there. Got to keep giving." So you're like trapped in the need. Yes. I am trapped in the neediness. How do I how do I And yet the most powerful thing the most powerful thing is is is that we all know where we get seduced. Yes. You know that that is that is the powerful thing and and it sounds like as well what you have done is that you said no and they said oh please one more time and you said okay that's the middle. So the middle is I'm going to come back for this year and that's it. Yeah. And then I'm done. So let's talk a little bit about the yes woman. Do you know the women who always say yes to everything and they put themselves forward? I find that in my life if I become the yesw woman because I pride myself on being able to help people and listen and provide answers and guidance and also just provide the safety to allow people to download.

have a bad day. Who are you waiting for permission from? Uh me. Damn you, Chem. You're right. It is just me. Are you a yesw woman, Tess? Are you a Tess? Are you Are you a yes woman? Do you identify as a yes woman? I am. We talk about risk profile. I know you want a really quick answer from me right now, but can't give it to you. I'm sorry. No. No. What? No. What? No. I don't need a quick answer for you. I was just curious because I don't identify as a yes woman. So, I'm just curious to know. Yeah. So, when you talk about risk, my risk profile right now is really high because I'm I'm on a quest to be successful in the world that we're in, which is why I love redefining success with you as we're processing this podcast and all of your beautiful books and teachings is like understanding what success really means. My trap in that is that I say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because I'd rather be busy in the doing because it's moving me closer to more to more success or more opportunities. So, I am on the quest for yes. Um, and I and sometimes I think that that's not healthy for me. And I'm so aware of saying yes to one thing is saying no to another. And I have a young I have a four-year-old boy, step kids, a beautiful place that I live. Like on all measures of success, my life is beautiful. But my quest for more is what where my yes gets out of control. So I burn myself out in the yes. So perhaps yes, she's a yes person. Well, it sounds like it sounds like it sounds like in this particular area of life, like what I'm hearing is that you're really clear around where success is very grounded for you and you're really clear of what it feels like and what it looks like. And yet in this area of career or the podcast or a combination of all of those, you're in a season where you need to and want to be saying yes because you sense that that's going to get you closer to this success. Exactly. So, I'm a no at home. Like I'm very protective of home. I've got really strong home boundaries, but work I'm like, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." And that's where we get into tension. I'm like, "La, we've got to do this. We've got to do that." No, no, no. The sun's pumping. Yeah. Exactly. So, that's where it's different. Yeah. Well, that's probably why you're a good That's probably why you're a good partnership as well because, you know, you're able to mirror be able to mirror that in each other. It's fantastic. Do women burn out because we do too much or will we ask for too little? I don't know. Why do you burn out? I don't burn out so much anymore. I would say you emotionally burn out. Ah, thanks. I would say that you do have these emotional burnout moments. Yeah, I do. Yes. Perhaps because I just pushed myself too hard. I'm finding Kimmy as you're getting older as as I'm getting older, as we're all getting older, we're all aging here, but I'm getting you I'm in my mid-50s now and I'm becoming more aware of my energetic field. Yeah. Yeah. How would you describe your energetic field? So energy is so important. I was thinking I I have this thing at the moment um and I think this is also an I I identify strongly as an introvert. You know, I was kind of joking that you're the first people I've spoken to do today over the kangaroos. I'm like living my best life. M um but I like to spend my time with people now where I have control of who I spend my time with cuz sometimes you're just with in a room with people either with people where when I leave their presence I have the same energy profile as when I met them or I my energy is lifted when I leave them. M what I don't want because I talk about in in grounded success in particular about life energy. I don't want to findelves in situations repeatedly with the same person where I have less energy than when I started. Now obviously we all have times in our lives when we are not in a great place and our friendships and our relationships people just not in a good place and their energy is going to be low and sometimes we do feel drained or we kind of feel a bit leeched of energy but if this is a person that we've committed to in our life as a friend or a family member that's fine life happens but I definitely now use my energy levels to identify how much time do I want to be with this person Um because life is very limited. Um even though the western society doesn't like to look at death, it's the one given for every single one of us. And also someone in early 50s, 50 52 in July, I don't have time. I just don't have time. I I live my life very intentionally. I am nowhere by accident. And yet two times last year I found myself somewhere by accident because I had got seduced into a situation and it was great because I was like oh yeah this is why I don't do this. So I'm also a very big advocate for us sometimes doing the things that we don't do to just check do I still not do them or do I actually do them. What's your seduction? What's your seduction of your boundaries? What what seduces you? Oh, it it's normally for me it is working with other marginalized communities in some way. Yeah. Yeah. So there are things that I have said yes to in the past where I it just falls out of realm like I generally don't work on a Sunday. Like there are just things that I just don't do. But just that thing of like I really wanted to do the thing. It was going to be a really incredible event that even I as an individual person wanted to be at. But I already knew that it kind of was going to be over my work dates for that year and I said yes. And then I tried to pull out but they had already done their part of it which was great. So then I was like okay well you're kind of in now. And it was it was great cuz as I

that. Where did I step over my boundary that I feel resentful? Yeah, I love that level of self-awareness, Kimmy. And that was when I talked about the risk profile. I think one of the riskiest things you can take is open Pandora's box to learn about yourself. And because as Buddha says, like, yeah, best you don't start, but if you do, best you don't stop. And I can see why over your life you've got so many different coaching credentials because the onion layers, like I think they go quickly and then they get harder to rip off the closer you get to the core because it's like inner root cause. when you started your self quest and opened Pandora's box to the person listening who has just started or is thinking about starting or basically says therapy isn't for me. How do you bring people in so that they can look at their energy and going because I I look I talk to my step kids about energy and I use it in the sense when the universe is giving you all of these signals that your energy is off only you can change it in that moment. So look for these signals. How do you coach people through taking that first we've used the metaphor a few times the first jump. How do you help people like holding out your h hold out your hand? Well, this is a thing because if I was this that's a great visual test because I always talk about walking alongside my clients. So, I'm never I'd never got my hand out to them. I They have to have their hand out to me and then I will walk alongside them. I'm never behind them pushing. I'm never in front of them pulling. I'm side by side saying, "Where do you want to go now?" So, I can have someone come to a coaching call and they'll literally begin the coaching call with um I really want to talk about my team member right now. I'm really struggling to communicate with her in a way I can tell that the way I'm communicating with her is kind of really lowering her self-esteem, which means that her productivity is kind of off and we're just I just don't know how to communicate. By the end of the session, they're talking about their four-year-old toddler. I'm just using that as an example. you said you have a 4-year-old son because actually what they're realizing is the connection between how they're communicating maybe with their four-year-old and this team member there are some similar threads there and I will then say you started off talking about your team me team member now we're talking about your son where would you like to go for the rest of the session and they may say actually it's not any of those things actually can we talk about my mom you know and I'm like great that's good you know because of having that space or they may say, "Let's go back to the team member, but can I put a pin in it?" Um, and to be honest, Tess, as well, you said about therapy. Coaching is very different from therapy, but the reality is therapy isn't for everyone. Coaching isn't for everyone. Surfing isn't for every like this is the thing about self-awareness though. But also, I say that with the caveat of we also have to be careful that we don't go out into the world making our lives very small where we're always saying, "I don't do that. That's not me. That's not the sort of thing I like." which is why I think it's important that I I will do things that are not um that are not the sorts of things that that I would generally do. Example, I was actually co-f facilitating a retreat in Fiji with the author Elizabeth Gilbert and we were hanging out one day and she said, "I'm going to have a day off today." She said, "I imagine that you are too." And I said, "No, I'm going to go on the party boat." She goes, "What?" I said, "Yeah, yeah." I said, "I'm going out on the party boat." She goes, "What? Why? Why?" She goes, "Normally, I'd go on the party boat and I'm having the day off." I said, "Yeah, but I think I'm not a party boat person, but maybe I am a party boat person." She goes, "Okay, I'll see you later." Let it be said, "I'm not a party boat person." Um, I did have my tools. I took my book. I took my watercolors. And within 35 minutes of the tequila shots coming out at 9:00 a.m. in the morning or something like that, um, and the music just being so loud, I went up to one of the crew members and I said, "How h how long are we on the party boat?" And he was like, "Four and a half hours. We generally we generally dock in, you know." And look, I was there. I had a great time, but it established for me I'm not a party boat person, but I'm glad that I did. I've known I know that party boat. I actually got the tender to come and pick me up and take me off it. But I used to I didn't know that was an option. No, you can you can get the hotel to pick me up. But that's going back this idea of risk. That's the idea of going back to this idea of risk at 20, you know, that was how I knew I wasn't a party boat person, you know, but I thought, but actually maybe I am because I loved the women that I was with. Like we were having s, you know, it was a week long retreat. We were having such a great time. I wanted to spend more time with these women, but being confined on a boat um for 4 and a half hours with really loud music, not actually how I would want to spend too much more of my time. I could happily be on a boat where everyone was kind of painting the sea. Yes. Yeah. And I love this like form of it. It it is almost like you've got a growth mindset, but you know who you are. And that shift of identity like for me definitely when I started doing the work, the shedding of people and who they thought I was, like I was the party girl, but now I'm the one who tries to get the hell out of there. when you shifted your identity and you move from, you know, one of the best keynote speakers in Australia in Melbourne, well, if not the world, you're living in Melbourne, and then you take on the identity of the flower farmer. What was that like for you? And I like to talk about baking is my um like energy tester. When there's everywhere, I'm in a bad mood and I shouldn't be baking. Is that what happens with flowers? You don't grow the harvest the best crop when you when you've got stuff going on. Well, it's an interesting thing because I don't I'm I'm both things. So, I am still a keynote speaker and a coach and a flower farmer. And it works really well for me. For me, it was looking at like a few years ago, how can I create a life where I can be in a space because basically the farm is my muse for my writing and for a little bit of my coaching and the retreats that I run now. How can I create a life where I can be a contribution in terms of speaking and a coach while also growing beauty in the world? You know, my activism as a young person was very much on the front line on the streets and now my activism is growing beauty in the world and inviting people into that beauty through my writing. And so for me, I now have crafted my days that in the morning I'm kind of at my desk, I'm with clients, I'm doing admin, I'm writing, but then kind of after we speak today, I'll be out on the land for the majority of the afternoon. Um, and then that kind of feeds me for then my work at the desk for the next day. And I think one of the beautiful things about the time that we live in is that we can create these ways of working that don't necessarily have a title, you know, like it's it's just that I as chem know what I connect with and I have to have those things so that I can authentically connect with the work that I contribute to others. Um, so one of the beautiful things, you know, about that is that I always have flowers on my

I'll be really looking at how I move those peers. And for me once again looking at do do I need to exchange them for money or cash or is there a way that I can contribute this beauty in the world in another form or another way and I don't have the answers and I don't know the hows. I just knew that this I wanted to spend my life energy growing more beauty in the world to remind us all that there is so much beauty regardless of everything else alongside there is also beauty. That's beautiful. Now, with every episode, Kimmy, we uh have an AIA do it for life toolkit. And so, based on the back of that answer, I'd like to ask the first of three questions. Number one, is there a shortcut to finding that beauty? Yeah. Pay notice to the natural world around you. Okay, that's tip number one. That's easy. Yeah. Like seriously, you know that we can have we can there are horrible things going on in the world but the reality is there is always has been it just depended on where you were looking from and what privileged seat you were sitting in. Exactly. Right. But also people that are in very challenging times in their life and in the world everyone is connected by this one planet that we all get to live on. I'm in autumn here or Wang season here and I can see beautiful autumn leaves on the ground every single day with the colors of the sunset in them, you know. So that's what I mean. The hack is pay attention to what's around. There's beauty everywhere. Yeah. Pay attention to what you're paying attention to. Yeah. And ideally direct it towards nature. Yeah. I love um I heard you speak the other day, Kem, and you were saying often we ask other we check in with everyone else before we check in with ourselves. So, we jump online and we go on the news or we look at Instagram and everyone's telling us how they feel before we've even given ourselves the moment to check in to see how we feel. And then from that, can you can you help us reframe how you can control? Look for the things that you can control versus on everything else you can't. Well, I don't know. I mean, for me, that connection piece because one of my core values is connection. But it is connecting to myself first. That is the most important thing. I have my meditation and my journaling practice so I can check in with how do I feel today? Because if I'm not feeling great, I might like it's probably best that I don't have that conversation maybe with that person or if I have a cho choice to not have that conversation. Um, you know, to be able to think, how am I I need to connect with myself today before I connect with anybody else. And I think there are, you know, people will say, I'm a control freak. I'm a this. And it kind of goes back to what we were talking about before about knowing ourselves and kind of our egos and our wounds and our comforts and how we get seduced that once we get a picture of kind of who we are, there are certain things that we do need to control because that's what makes us feel safe, right? And that needs to be okay on some on some level as long as it's not kind of impacting other people negatively. And then there are other things we can't control like maybe global events, but can we control smiling at our neighbor in the post office? 100%. 100%. And it's those little things that don't feel like much are actually the things that add up. The the news and the media we let into our hearts and into our bodies and into our heads has a massive impact in how we see the world. And so when we're going around and people are smiling at each other and a kid is playing with a dog and it's like yes, all of that is happening in the world and this is also happening. Everyone is looking at this child that's just dropped their ice cream and the dog is licking it up and the child is talking to the dog, right? And there's a connection piece that's happening there. If we're on the screen and we're watching a war, we miss the kindness and we miss the beauty. And then we see more war and then we're having arguments and then it the ripple goes the wrong way. Right. So is that what he success is? Oh, let's go back to what you Oh yeah. No. Well, I just heard this beautiful quote a little while ago and it was this idea of um everyone is out talking about everyone's talking about the war out there but actually we should be looking at the war within us. That that's how we bring peace.

out what does success mean to me in this season of life. So, it isn't a one-izefits-all. For one woman, it is going to be I want to be a corporate leader in an organization that brings big impact and change in the world in this season of my life. For another person, it's I want to be at home with my children until they go to school. And there are the women that want both. And then what does that look like for them in redefining success in their season? For some, it is I want to be traveling the world. I don't want a home. I don't I just want to be traveling and meeting new people all the time. And for other people it's I want to build a stable home for me as a single person or with my family and I don't want to travel around you know so success changes for all of us. I think the mistake we make is kind of looking at other people and thinking that their success is what we want. And what I talk about a lot in the book is it's not so much about what success looks like it's asking that person how does the success that you have feel? How does it feel? Because if they say, "Oh, it feels like exhaustion, disconnection, burnout, and absolute manic anxiety all the time," that may not be a success that any of us are after. But if it's, yeah, there are some real highs and real lows, but most of the time it feels really good to be doing the work that I'm doing or spending the time with the people that I'm spending my time with, and I have the tools to manage when things get intense, then that may be a form of success that we're after. So the idea is to let go of this map that success is one thing for that everyone wants for the whole of their life because it isn't because we're not the same person for the whole of our lives. So profound. It is so profound and I reflect on where I'm at and what I want to feel in success where whether it's at home or at work or here is just and I get emotional thinking about it because it's taken me so long to get there and I have weeks and days where I'm not in it. But success now feels like inner peace. Wow. And it that so when you say like are you at war who are you at war with for so long I was at war with myself and whenever I've been out of alignment with myself it's when or anyone else or work or whatever it's when I've been at war inside so you can be nice to the stranger and to the coffee shop owner and you can get on stage and say tada and you know you can you know have a family and all the rest of it. And it can all look great, but the inner um war that I had was so great and can be so great. What does it feel like when you're at war on the inside? Um it feels awful. I think um Kem in the prep today, you asked um you were on the resilience project and you asked the boys to feel what success felt like in your head, in your heart, and in your intuition, in in your beautiful um coaching. And when you said in your head to me that was the first thing that came to my mind was you're not successful. How do you even know what that feels like? Right. So if that that was so did that stop you there and you didn't get to go into your heart and intuition? Yeah. Well of course. Like that's what it does because I'm so um I don't I've spent so long trying to get the success that I have at home and I've reached that in love and beauty and joy and um I wish I just had some more flowers. Um that now I'm challenged to feel like I don't want to give that up for more more more when I've got peace inside. So, it's an interesting like dance that I'm playing with at the moment. Well, that that's an interesting um premise, isn't it, Kami? It's like, do you find with the people that you work with that it has to be one or the other? Like, you can't have success and have a happy home? Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, it was more actually what you were saying, Tess, actually, because I thought maybe the question is um if it's expansive for you, pick it up. If it works, don't bother. if if it doesn't the question is how do I reach the success I want while maintaining my inner peace so it's both you know like it is it's like I can have that but what are the things that I need to put in place so that peace is there um so example for me I love being on stage I love speaking to thousands of people absolutely and then I love going home and not talking to anyone for a week afterwards right and so for me that means for professional speakers you and and you would both know this as well that kind of the model is to do as many speaking engagements as you can right through the year that you cannot say no you just do more more and I knew I just thought I'm going to hate this profession within a week if that is how it has to look you know so for me it's how can I stand on stages and speak and connect with a large number of people while at the same time giving myself the solitude and the connection to the land that I need to be able to stand on those stages so it is 100% possible for you to have for mo you know the majority of the time even if you just had 70% I think most of us would be happy with 70% in a piece you know that you have 70% let's just say as a number in a piece while also reaching for the success that you want I don't think they have to be mutually exclusive of each other especially if if we keep coming back to how does it feel how does it feel and then I think that would speak into your question around the saying yes all the time because you can then um go in and go, I just said yes to that thing. How does it feel? It doesn't feel good. And then we have to do the uncomfortable thing of, you know, saying, I know I just said yes. I am sorry, but actually I'm now a no. Yeah. Come and get that tender boat and pick me up from the party. Yeah, that's great. That was a great ask. I next find myself on a party boat, I will be getting the tender. Um, Kimmy, the expansion point that you just um gave me my awakening or my wakeup call today was um success doesn't have to be 100% of the time, but to release myself that 70% is okay. Um, as high performers and a lot of the people that work with us and follow us and listen to this podcast, it's like all or nothing. I'm either peaceful all the time or I'm so unsuccessful. So, I just want to credit you, Kimmy, because I feel like a lot of women um that we work with are so powerful, but it comes at a cost. And for you, and what you've reflected to me and reminded me and mirrored to me today is grounded success. like powerful is calm and it's it feels like peaceful when you're in your absolute power and you are an absolute shining light of that. So, thank you for giving that to us and to our audience today. Yeah. And thank you for reminding me that the only one that needs permission is me. If I want to make the ask, I make the ask, right? I've got to give myself permission. So, what are you going to ask though?

oh there isn't anyone like it actually is me and I think as Tess was saying that is the continual thing about doing this work is that the same things will come up for us. We're still the same human with our stuff but it's being able to catch it and go oh it's me I'm the one that needs to give myself permission. Who am I waiting for? You know so that's great. Yeah. Well, you're a shining light of power and groundedness and success and joy and uh we're so grateful to have had this conversation because you've shed so much beautiful light and clarity on and provided language for things that a lot of us struggle to comprehend and understand and and give uh clarity to. So, thank you for thank you for shining a light on joyfulness and play and just for being such a beautiful woman. So, it's been a really enlightening conversation. Yeah. What a gift. I've loved I've loved working with you over the years and I love having you as a friend. So, thank you, Chem, for your time today. Thank you. How do people get more of you? Where can I and where can we connect with you? Can people work with you? How do we get more chem in our lives? So, for if people are interested in working with me, they can go to my website which is my name kemetforpill.com. No. AU. And if people would like me in their inboxes once a week, then they can subscribe to The Harvest, which is my weekly newsletter where I share lots of things about valuebased living, leadership, and the land and the connections between all of those things. Love it. And you also get a little coaching booklet when you sign up, which is awesome because we love when you get the tools to do the work itself. Um, I had have done your podcast, which is the shift, so it's like six or seven minute lessons. I highly recommend everyone to do that on a walk and just use it as a self-reflection tool. But I hope and I trust today's episode has given you, our beautiful listener, something that you can focus on in your life. What are you waiting for permission for? Um, and what is success to you? Where can you find more inner peace in your life? So, if this episode resonated with you or you think a loved one would love to hear it, please share it with them. Um, don't put out your hand, walk beside them in it. And from us to you, Dream Team, we trust you will have a lovely week and we will see you next week on a wakeup call. Thank you, Kami. Thanks, Kimmy. Toodles. Toodles. Thank you. Sync to video time