How to Extend Your Comfort Zone and Build Inner Mastery

raw life lessons, \[music\] expert wisdom, and practical tips to help you stop sleepwalking through life and start living it on your terms. You ready to wake up and thrive? Let's go. Hello. Before we always start, we just like to think of the audience and where they're at, where you're at, and set a bit of an intention. Like for me right now, I'm feeling really sad. I've got a lot going on with my family and my kids. And when you work in mental health and you're trying to manage children or teenagers, it can be really unsettling when you know you've got all the gifts, all the tools to help them, but really have to let them find themselves. So, it's very timely that we're here. So, I'm just very grateful that I get to share the wisdom of you with the world and grateful that you've held me very tightly over these last few days. So, my intent really is just to use this as an episode to help people going through it as well. What's yours? I hear all of it and can feel it from here. Yeah. Thanks. What's your intent, El? My intent is to learn. We've got one of the world's best in the room with us today. So, you know, I'm one of them, too. But I love to learn from \[laughter\] others. We've got two world bests. \[laughter\] Very I just don't have a PhD. Yeah. Michael, what's your And I don't I don't I don't surf that well. \[laughter\] So, most don't. Yeah. Yeah. Um my intention is like uh I I woke up this morning. Intention is part of my practice. And today it's um it's been consistent this for a while which is roots and reach which means to like be grounded in my life and from that place to be able to share and be curious about um you know share what I know and be curious about what I don't. Love that. Beautiful learn from that. We can let's begin.

moment that you said, "Can somebody put up their hand and come up on stage with me?" And I was in a room full of professionals who work in mental health and I'm working on my selfworth at the moment. And normally I would retract and give it to someone else and think, "Oh, I'm doing enough or someone else deserves this more than me." And normally I would put my head up instantly. I wanted to give the space to others too. Yeah. So, I just shot up my hands so quickly and you called me out and I came up on I went up on stage and you were really leaning into this edge of discomfort and I thought that's really what my whole life has been in self-growth. Of all of the people that you have coached, I mean you you're Oprah's psychologist, you're some of the top athletes in the world. You've got a PhD in psychology. Who has impressed you most in that moment of discomfort and what have they done from that? Uh, very cool. There's a lot in the the question. First, I'm I'm actually not Oprah's psychologist. That's fun to think about. She did endorse the she endorsed the book or like made a comment. It was Yeah, it was more about that than the work I Yeah. So, um Okay, just for

danger line. It's um real and perceived danger is a thing that we're all trying to sort out. And you know, standing at the edge of the cliff, if you like jumping cliffs, is maybe not a danger line, but speaking in front of people, if you like to speak in front of people, is not a danger line. But we all have our danger line. And the way that that mechanism works is that when you know what your danger lines are and then you you move up into that danger line, then you stay in that danger line as long as you possibly can, you do end up extending it further out. And when that danger line becomes extended further and further away from you, it creates a a larger surface area to play. If you imagine the danger line is like right up against you and it feels like no matter what you do, you're kind of in a danger zone. Um, it's really hard to play in life because it constantly feels like there's real threats. Now, there are real threats around, but the more you invest in your psychology, your inner life, the further the danger line moves out. And that's what I found to be um incredibly freeing. There's other ways to to think about the danger line too which is like technical skills. There's uh physical dangers. Um but really for most of us the danger line albeit take a take away like scary people in dark alleys. Most danger lines for us is the opinions of other people. Like what are they going to think if they know how much I care about this experience or this moment or this project and I come up short? So then it becomes this secondary game that we're playing to look okay but not really go for it. And that not really going for it I think is one of the greatest culprits to living a free good great life. And that so when you stepped in to the danger line and you were up there doing your thing I was I get to have a moment as well like yeah look at that cuz I failed that moment the first

didn't think that was my thing but it showed up in that moment. At what age were you when that moment came for you? Yeah, it was like college so it was like um undergrad. I was in my 20s. And when you became aware of it, what was your response to that? And then with based on that response, did that inspire you to want to overcome it or did you shrink away from it? It stung. It's it like really stung. And then I did what I think most people do is I wrapped it with a narrative like ah that's not you know and so I I put some sort of narrative to make me feel okay about myself. And you know and these little stories that we tell ourselves um they do one of two things. They open the aperture, you know, to like help us grow or they kind of tighten us up and keep us safe and maybe small. And I it stung and then I wrapped it with a narrative to make the sting go away. But it was always kind of percolating underneath. And the next time I had a moment, I stepped into it. And in that moment, um, I was I was terrified. And, um, I didn't perform properly. I'll I can tell you the story if you're interested in the story. Yeah, I would love to. Oh, you you Okay. You know why we would love to? Because it makes you more human to our listeners and to everyone is like it really does because we all struggle. And I think you've articulated that so well in your book and your podcast and your teachings is it's it's not just because you're an elite athlete or a champion business owner, a CEO, they still have the same struggles that us everyday humans do as well. So share your struggles. Yeah, it's of \[laughter\] course. Yeah, super happy to do that. Yeah. Um I we everybody's the everyday human. You know, some people are skilled at one thing and more likely the more skilled you are at one thing, um the underhydrated parts of you are also there. So like, you know, there's there's a double-edged sword to being great at, let's say, surfing or whatever. Like there's other things that have not been hydrated. And so I'm h I am super happy to talk about that. I'll I'll explain it right now. Okay.

my PhD program and the the uh president of the school was teaching a group therapy class. And so one of the uh the structure of the class is that at some point every student and there was only eight of us in the class, every student would be in the middle of the room as either a um client or as the psychologist. Now, none of us are licensed at this point, so we're it's all role playing, but you would go up there and really bring an issue in front of the class or and or you would go up and sit in the other chair and to be the psychologist. Um, I was happy to go up and kind of be a work in progress and a mess and bring something forward that I was working on, you know, like it was a safe room, everything's good, happy days. But I had this other narrative that at that point I had already worked with like two professional teams and like I I was the most quote unquote um successful you know um mindset coach in in my cohort and I was still very early but nobody else had really done any work and I already had like I said been with a couple pro teams so I had this thing that I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing. And so it was the last day of class. It was the last opportunity. And I knew it was my day to go up there. And the professor looked at me and he said, "Um, Jery, you know, today's your day." \[laughter\] He knew. He totally knew. I thought I was fooling everybody that, you know, I was kind of playing it cool. And he and I said, "Yeah, yeah, I know." And he goes, "Okay, which which um which chair do you want to be in?" And I said, "Well, let me just work on some issues." and he goes, "No, get in the other chair." He goes, "We'll do that one later." So, get in the psychology chair. So, in my head, the whole thing was I didn't want to look stupid. I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing cuz I was the one amongst my peers that was supposed to have it together. And I got in that chair and the other student went up and um Colombian amazing woman and she sat in front of me and I'm the psychologist and her eyes welled up and I was like I'm in my head and she's in her heart and I thought oh right right come on come on Mike and I couldn't get down into it because I was so riddled with like looking bad and like saying the wrong thing and making a mistake and all this stuff. And then she goes on and she's looking at me and I have enough social kind of way about me that she felt safe but but but it really wasn't cuz I was not there for her. I was there for me. And so she she goes and shares the beginning of her story and I see that she's trembling. She's shaking. Um she's in the throws of like making a decision. Do I really go for this or do I hold it back? and she took one more turn of the screw and now like tears are flowing. Um her face is flushed. She's kind of past the the the light tremor and she's really fidgety. She's just trying to settle in and I'm trying my best to settle into the experience but I'm still up in my head and now I'm saying oh. I'm saying \[ \_\_ \] What am I doing? Like I knew I was missing everything. I knew I was blowing it. My my temperature started to heat up. My body is sweating under my clothes. Now I'm wondering if they're going to see the sweat. I can't tell. I just know that I'm I'm heating up. I'm not saying anything at this point cuz I didn't know what to say. But I was doing all the right kind of social cues thing, you know, like nodding and listening like to my best ability. But I had this other very loud narrative. And she took another turn of the screw to be even more vulnerable. And she's opening up even more. and the the president of the school who's teaching the class, the professor walks over and he says he says to her, "Great job." And he looked at me and he he kind of was behind me with my shoulders and he grabbed my shoulders like, you know, like a um like a mentor mentee kind of way and he like on my traps and he says, "Um, Mike, you're not okay." He says, "You are not safe here." And he said, "Can I pause this?" and he looked at her and he took care of her and she's like, "Yeah." And he goes, "Great job." He reaffirmed her and he says like, "What are you doing?" And so I was like kind of brighteyed and I was like really happy he saw me cuz it was a relief moment. I was able to be like seen in that. Now the sweat is pouring. Okay. So it's beaded up and like and the whole class realized that I was the exact I was exactly the person that was afraid to be in that moment. Everyone knew it. It so relief is the word. And he says to the gal, I won't use her name. He says to the gal, um, "Can you scoot your chair over?" And she goes, "Of course." And she says, "We're gonna come right back." He says, "We're going to come right back to this." And he says, "Uh, I know you're okay." And then she gets this big smile, you know. And he he he took another seat and he squared up with me and he says, "You're not." And he says he says, "You ready?" And now I became the client. Okay. But my my issue was what I was protecting. My identity, my reputation, my ego, all of that that was constricting me and making it very dangerous for the person across from me. So now I'm I'm pitted. I'm sweating. I'm trembling. I'm nervous. I feel a sense of relief. And now he's going to go to work. And in that moment,

tell you about Walt in this moment, Dr. Rutherford. And I said this, I need to understand it. And so he just started asking questions. and he was doing what good theory, good practice intersection was. And I dropped my shoulders. I'm a crying mess. I'm like, I'm in the throws of transformation in that moment. And as I was kind of working through it, maybe call it 15 minutes or something. She's there and she's like nodding across from him and it's like the two of them and then she leans over and she says, "Can I ask a question now?" So, I'm really getting a dose of it. And then he goes, "Great. Two humans here." And he goes, "Um, Mike, um, let's go back to where we were, you know, 20 minutes ago. Are you ready?" And I was like, and see, so she go and he leans over to Yeah. And she he leans over to her and says, "You ready?" And she's like, "Oh." And so he set the the the moment, he set the stage, he created a setting within us. And so, um, it was it was epic. So that was a moment that also changed me. So the sting of the first time I was presented and the the fear of the second time it was really an opportunity and I just happened to be in the presence of somebody who is I think one of the best in the world at at this craft. As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micronutrition has an amazing product called Sleep Support. It has three different types of magnesium powder and passion flour, which just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do get as a mom. So, visit micronutrition.com.au and use the code awake \[music\] 10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years, and I've constantly been looking for something to \[music\] help me create mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show \[music\] up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine, but Cortiseps, turkey tail, ginseng, \[music\] ginko, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really natural good stuff and it's good for you. So, if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, wake up is your pill. You'll find it on our website, awakeacademy.com.au. \[music\] You know what? Wow, that's a moment.

or re what's the word I'm looking confirmation bias. Yeah. Yeah. That too. But you know, you walk into a store and on the front door it has don't forget your bags. Of course they want you to forget your bags because they make money from you buying another bag in the store. So we're constantly focusing on what we don't want and then wonder why we end up manifesting or behaving in that way. Second thing that no that noise in your head that story framework based on I just want to get an understanding because we utilize a lot of the story framework in our work through own your truth at awake academy. It's part of our course. It's the second it's the second model around helping people understand the stories that they tell themselves so then they can disprove them which is what you write about and teach. When you became aware of that story, do we need to become aware of the fact that it's either past or future? Because we know it's not right here right now, but we bring it into this moment. Does it matter? Or what what is more important is first identifying the stories because we need to identify with our thoughts or as Ekati says be the awareness behind them and then choose. But because you're you were controlled by that narrative and then you you you denied the truth of it, then that resulted in exactly what you didn't want, which was becoming a blubbering mess in front of your teachers and cohorts. What a gift all of that is, you know. Um yeah, I I think to answer the the main question I heard was does it matter if it's a a narrative? Yeah. A past narrative or a future narrative, they're to me they're they're

believe the world is safe or dangerous? It's a fundamental question. And if you don't kind of examine that, you're constantly kind of pinging against the world on how to operate. But once you make a decision about like I believe the this is Mike, I believe the world is dangerous. It doesn't mean that I don't feel safe in it, but I believe the world is dangerous. So now I can dress accordingly. I can relate accordingly. I can engage accordingly. And was there that doesn't mean sorry I was going to say was there a particular thing that established that belief was there a moment oh yeah yeah I've studied people I know people yeah people are not safe and um that being said um I can I'm happy to open that up most people are well in okay most people are well intended most people when you give them a moment to um act benevolently or um uh uncanningly uh scandalous, they choose benevolence. I think the number is 85 to 87% of the population. Um that's cool. That gives me a lot of hope. But let's say that that let's say that number is accurate that there's 15 to 13% of people that will absolutely take advantage and are untrustworthy. And let's say that 85% that we say are that they report they would do the right thing and and they actually do under some you know um research conditions. It's not consistent enough because when somebody is in a in a moment of great stress or pressure and they feel like they are getting the whips end of a bad situation and it's unfair and they're tired and compromised and there's some real stuff going on. people do things that they say they wouldn't normally do. So people I don't think humans at large um are interested in my well-being. I do not think that humans at large are interested in taking care of other people. We are social beings though and there is a mechanism built deep in us to harmonize and cooperate with conditions of power and control. M so um I just I my eyes are really open to what people are capable of doing and how they act in the highest way and in the lowest forms of way. And um now all

it out, son. When it gets dark and you're not home and you're 6 years old, it's probably kind of scary. So I would get home before it was dark. Like it was wild. Like my parents were awesome in that way. And it \[clears throat\] gave me many gifts, but it also taught me like you you got to figure things out yourself and not everyone's there to take care of you. Not everyone there is also safe. And so I think the world is dangerous. Um there's lots of barbs that we can bump into and humans are for the most part cooperative predator predators. And so \[laughter\] I'm sorry if we're getting dark, but that is the that is the reason why I think we need pro proper skills. And what are those proper skills? Because we love teaching people about skills. We love focusing on that you can rewire your brain at any age or stage that regardless of your foundations of your software which you beautifully articulate in the wiring of a brain. I'm currently going through it with my teenagers where I'm like how can I teach you to be part of the 85% to see differently to act differently for humanity but mostly for yourself. Yeah. Well, okay. So, let's uh I'll frame it and then answer the question is um I am an optimist. I believe that the future is bright. I believe that there is more to go like the best is not yet written. I believe that the capability amongst humans is extraordinary and the skills though are required as an investment and psychological skills training. \[laughter\] It's just not happening at the scale big enough and deep enough for me to say that's a trustworthy person. That person will stand up in the face of whatever and be about the nobility that they stay they that they say they are. That person no matter what will have my back. I I've got an inner circle that's amazing. I've got people that time under tension they have they have I am trustworthy to them and they are trustworthy to me. I love that you have these two contradictions that the world is not safe but you operate in a really safe world. Oh yeah. Like wait I don't think I think the world is dangerous but I feel safe in it because I have skills and I have people that um those psychological skills are like well tested and I feel really good that I know how to work with my thoughts, my emotions and my feelings. And because of that, I can freely go into dangerous environments. And when I'm talking about dangerous, I'm not talking about somebody putting a knife in my back or gun like I'm not talking about that kind of danger. Yeah. There are those predators out there. I'm talking about people that are not safe with your vulnerability and your true self. They're out there trying to survive. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So the fundamental principle around feeling safe in a dangerous environment is understanding the self a thousand%. Okay. And that's it begins with awareness. Yes. Okay. Yep. It begins with awareness. Awareness of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, your physiology, your internal experience. Being potentially masterful with that. There's an invitation for all of us to be mastery, have a mastery of self. um you know it's not reserved for just the world champions. It's not reserved for people that are just great at what they do. It's it is available to all of us. But we have we are the three of us are walking and your community are walking into a taboo which is um that psychology is for the weak. Psychology is for the mass. Psychology is for and I'm classically trained as a psychologist that it's for the ones that don't have their stuff together. Yeah. World class athletes and and performers are changing that. And I love that you are so open about this in all of your teachings, Mike, because one of the what what came true in the book and what comes true in your message is that you want to open up and make well-being accessible to everyone. Mastery of well-being and it comes through in everything that you do. And I am always challenged cuz I can see people out there buying clothes, buying a bottle of wine, investing in all of these things that Yeah. shiny cars give that short dopamine boost but then destroy their wellbeing or their mastery of self and their happiness. Psychologically, why do we eye roll well-being or psychology or mastery of self which we know will make you happier, healthier, safer in this world? How do we break that in a brain? Because that feels like that's a brain problem or perception problem. \[laughter\] Yeah, that's a good point. It's it there's a c cultural thing, you know, which is we're handed this narrative about the study of self, the study of others. Like we're handed a narrative that it's um somehow for the weak. So we have to work against that. But there in lies the great opportunity. Great. You know, it's like I feel like when I am included in a corporation, at this point I'm spending less time in proport and and kind of crosswalking them over to big business. It feels like such a layup. It is so great because they're like, "Show us what you got because we want to be great." And I say, "Awesome." And it feels like because let me use it this way, Lane, when you were at the height of your your surfing, it's and let's say that I was a um a technical surf coach, it's hard to get you better, right? Like that's a really hard task. It's hard to make us Usain Bolt faster. But a novice surfer, somebody that can stand up, move, they can, you know, that can kind of point down the line and get some pumps in. You can really help them. You could really help. So I it feels like when I go into big businesses, that's kind of what the landscape is like. They're pretty good, but they they just haven't figured out some of these fundamental psychological best practices. And um it's so that's the big opportunity. I I lost I lost the the question. I mean it was I I was going down the path and we can edit this bit out but I was going down the path of is it a like it feels like learning about yourself mastery of self is our next evolutionary need but we are eye rolling wellbeing and eye rolling wellness so it feels like there's this contradiction is there something in the brain that is stopping us from taking care of oursel getting a good therapist like why is this seen as a step back, not a step step forward. Probably because there's a lot of stigma around it as well, which is yeah, part of the issue. L I think that that's I think that's part the biggest part of it is if you're in a culture that holds the standard of mastery, that holds the standard of excellence. In those cultures, for the most part, people are are wanting knowing that they need internal they need resources. And one of those resources is like some sort of coaching, some sort of work to help them take the next step. Yeah. So, the cultural piece is great. And then the other is um it's just hard. It's hard work to be honest with yourself, to do the self-discovery, to invest in the tools. And it's even harder when you feel like you have three full-time jobs. You've got your day job, that's all the meetings. You've got your um evening shift, which is being with your family. It's not really a job, but it's, you know, to do it well, it takes time. It's a job, you know. And then you've got it. It's a job. \[laughter\] Yeah. And then you've got your third job, which is like answering the emails that you didn't get to, you know, during your day job. So, there's where's the time? Well, then let's So, we're running up against that as well. The fourth job is actually taking better care of yourself and being more self-aware in those moments. And I love, you know, the fact that you've taken what you've learned from professional athletes and now applying that to professional briefcase bandits, I call them, or, you know, people who work for a living. \[laughter\] Lena's never worked a day in her life in her office. I've worked one. So what I uh what I've learned listening and and reading your material, Michael, is the the application of well, first as a professional or as a world champion or as you say as the world's best, there's two things that really drive their success. Number one is that full commitment to being vulnerable. So you must see, you must experience a bit of a boundary when it goes into organizations. you're asking leaders to be vulnerable, which I know from my personal experience that became a superpower because when I'm vulnerable, I'm in a state of acceptance and when I'm accepting, I can't be hurt because I'm now detached from doing. And then the second piece you talk about is the importance of rest. Once again, this burnout culture, this carry-on culture, I can imagine you get a lot of

recover from very severe injuries uh mentally, physically, and emotionally. How do we or how do you incorporate that messaging in a way where it actually inspires people to take it on because they're quite powerful messages that can be very easily pushed back on. Oh yeah. I you know what I think that most people want to be a bit better, you know, like they they I don't think people push back like I don't need more sleep. \[laughter\] I think most people are like I a few people like I've got friends who like I'm happy with my six hours a night. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I mean that's I think that's a majority you know or minority of folks. \[laughter\] And so I think that like let's just say sleep for an example. Um it's like they need some help to solve that. Yeah. Right. They need some structural help from the organization and they need some practical tools to be able to put them in place there. I don't I really I'll be bold for a minute. I don't think anyone that I've spoken to in the last I don't know five years is like wait eight hours is the right amount really you mean like waking up at the same time is a good thing you know like wait cold rooms and dark rooms with as little sound as possible those are important like we know we know the basic conditions to get good sleep and I see I see you shake your head like no I'm just saying I was no I was just going to say my husband's only just cottoned onto at he's a rock star. He thrives at nighttime. \[laughter\] He's used to lights and audio, right? There you go. Sounds and like Yeah, correct. There's still Sorry. There still is education to go, but it's really practical solutions. Yeah. And one of

meeting of the day within 10 and a half hours. And so that idea was like if we want to give our people when you travel, uh, schedules get really weird, right? When you travel for a competition, you come back and let's say we land in Seattle at um 2:00 a.m. You deplane, you get back to the cars, you know, now it's at 3:00 a.m. because we played a night game across the country and um so it's 3:00 a.m. by the time people get to their cars. Let's call it 3:30 in the morning by the time they get home. um we would take 10 and a half hours from let's say it's that time before we would have our first meeting of the organization. So we want to we want to compete to be our very best. Well, you just can't do that if you are constantly chipping away at the largest recovery mechanism we have. So that is a institutional decision that it that rests on good science that rests on an ambition for us to be our very best. we need to invest um in in very specific things. So that's a I think it's a nice concrete example there. I really love that concept of permission. I really love that concept of permission slips and we work with businesses all the time that they're looking for the science that rests on the foundations that help people perform and they say now everybody go and do it. But they're not going to do it unless the time is locked or there's a rule or a habit that the business all as a team subscribe to. Do you have any more? Do you have any more? We've got a lot of business that follow businesses that follow us. Do you have any other permission slips that you can recommend? What a fun what a fun name. Permission slips. Yeah, that's great. I've never heard that.

extraordinary life and to do extraordinary things. Okay? Nobody does it alone. Even Lane, you had a team, you had people, you had a behind the scenes. Now, you were alone on the wave. Okay? But there's a team um supporting the team. Okay? Okay. So, relationships are really important. Um, in a professional sporting environment, we travel a lot and some executives travel a lot too and many executives are working long hours. Okay? It's part of the design of the job. So, what gets underhydrated is like our most important relationships, our relationships at home, our loved ones. So, one of the things that we would operationalize is um and I would do it with them is that we would go uh myself and a handful of coaches that wanted to be part of this little strike mission, if you will. We would go get um a bunch of postcards and they were there in the facility with the kind of the corporate logo on it and we would compete to see who could send as many love notes to our partners. And so it just takes, I don't know, 90 seconds, 2 minutes to write a thoughtful note and then, you know, drop it in the mail or put a stamp on it and drop it in the mail. And so everybody started with like this like, oh yeah, I'm going to kick your ass. Okay, here we go. So we we would create this competitive environment to be a really thoughtful partner to the people that we're not spending enough time with or enough hydration of the relationship. Small, super small. And it's and we're all on the same page like, man, I want to be better. This is just a small way. So, it's not a permission slip, but it's more like a um operationalizing something in the spirit of the the the people, which is we're all very competitive. And it it almost sounds like get out of whack. Oh, you're competing to be a good partner. \[laughter\] Now it's it's kind of just more fun, you know, like at the end of it at the end of the season, it's like we're looking around like, oh, you've only sent two. \[laughter\] Okay. You know, like so, and I really love that because it has a ripple effect. What else are you doing? And so on so forth. And it just it really is contagion around the office. I

I'm unlovable. No one's going to love me and I can never work again. So really trauma and tragedy in that. And I had worked with Lane. I was at Virgin and I went to her house when I left hospital and she I had a list and we've published it in the book of everything that was wrong with me and I was also with Holly Ransom who you may know she's um like a global MC and thought leader and \[clears throat\] she had just gotten back from interviewing Barack Obama I'm in Lane Beley's kitchen and Kirk Pangilly you know in excess is just walking past and I'm I'm I'm already in the family so it's not like these are big rock stars to me anymore they're family and lane grabbed the piece of paper and basically said, "If I could rip this up, I would. If you believe this, if you subscribe to these stories, they will ruin your life." And I just, it was like this punch in the face with a love with a warm hug that just said like these labels would will destroy you. And I did rew re I did rewire my brain and those stories to I am lovable. I am worthy. And within a year I was engaged, married, pregnant, and starting a pretty good business helping people help themselves. So that's like a big story, right? Bravo. Bravo. Well done. But what I learned from that is like that is pain to purpose. When I look at Lane's life, and this is the intersection of everyday human, so worked in corporate world, and then Lane is this professional athlete, seven world titles, six in a row. Like there's not that many athletes out there who have that. Your story powered seven world titles, right? Yeah. And it wasn't necessarily a good one. No. So you used your story of like looking for love. Well, abandonment, rejection, you know, I was adopted and uh fortunately into a beach loving family with the last name Beley and became a world champion surfer. I believe it was a very fortunate twist of fate. However, the belief that I was unlovable or rejected and abandoned and undeserving of love is essentially what drove me to become a six times consecutive world champion. And I'm sure you see that with a lot of athletes that you work with. There's a a sense of lack of selfworth that's driving the story. And then I was able to change the story because I talk about the fact Michael that I won six consecutive world titles and I won seven total but two were in love and five lose my yeah I'm not a mathematician that's why I'm a \[laughter\] surfer. Two were in love and five were in fear and how I was able to succeed in fear and succeed and succeed through love and how the difference plays out in my life mentally, physically and emotionally with my connections as well. So the story around being driven through fear can be quite a powerful story because it's more familiar is do you see that in a lot of people that you work with? Oh goodness. Yes. You know like I'm not alone in that then grad. \[laughter\] Yeah. No. And it was a big driver for me

like I just wasn't getting it. She was frustrated. She was out of her wits end on how to help me through this thing. And I was sitting at my desk as a three-year-old. My my mom's on my left-hand side. Um and she my dad comes up because she could hear us kind of arguing. And he comes over and he's on my right side and he goes, "I got it. I got it." And he says, "Mike, okay, how do you spell this?" It was like the word was, you know, or something as academic. Yeah. And I could I didn't I couldn't get it out. I didn't I don't I I don't know. It goes, "Okay, okay. How about this one?" And it was like I don't know, friend or not friend. I don't I can't remember. It was something simple. And I couldn't get it out. And he looked over and now he's frustrated. He looked over my head to the adult in the room, my my mom, and he says, "Maybe he's just stupid." Ouch. So, you know, like it I heard it. I felt it. And then so what I did was I was like, "That's bullshit." And I thought, "Wait, maybe they're right. I don't know if they're right." Yeah. But that's \[ \_\_ \] Yeah. And and so I just sat there and I didn't respond to it and I got mad and I kind of flipped over the the the the desk, if you will. Not that violently, but I was like, you know, fine. And and yeah, basically. And then I But the way it shaped me was I better not let anyone else know. So I went surfing a lot because I can't do the academic bit. What are you saying about surfers, Michael? \[laughter\] You know what I'm saying about surfers? So is that Michael is that what was sitting across from you back to where we started when you were sitting in that chair and your professor saw that you had closed out or closed up. Was that the story that was going through your head? You didn't want to be seen as a stupid practitioner? I didn't want to be seen by other people as not good enough. And it started when I was in third grade. I wasn't good. I wasn't smart enough. There was nothing I could really do about that. But the the the stitching between the two is I would it is far more um there's far more hurt involved when you when you declare or say or invest in something you really care about and it doesn't work out than it is to like go for something that you are not deeply invested in like the the pain is more trivial. So I I was never going to let somebody know that I was stupid. So in surfing, it's something else, right? It's not about intelligence. It's about physicality. It's about reading the wave. It's about being in D. Okay, guess what showed up eventually in that for me that now I was starting to identify as being athletic. And man, I can't let anybody know that I'm not really that good at surfing. Maybe I fall apart. So then I that was a like a second an early come come to honesty moment when I lane, you'll appreciate this. I couldn't I could I could do free surfing pretty well, but then when it came competition, I tightened up. I was I was a shell of what I was capable of. So, you're right. Like that that narrative was in there, and the narrative wasn't about don't be stupid. It was about don't look stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't don't be stupid. Don't look stupid in the eyes of others. So, it's unfortunate, but um I'll tell you what it did do. And this is like this is the the high cost and the benefit of of working from pain is that you'll go to some extraordinary lengths to get good at something. Either you kind of blow it all off and you're like play the I'm not a loser, but I'm not going to really try in life. So, that you never really know. But I did find something that I liked, which was the sports psychology thing. And it had to I had to like figure out how to not be stupid. And so I read every article, every word, every page, every journal in the science of my field. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be caught on my heels. That's no different than an athlete saying, "Look, I trained every day, six hours a day. I'll be damned if I'm not fit. I'll be damned if I don't I I'm not going to miss a swell. I'm not going to miss a wave. I'm But there's no recovery and it's all out of like a fear of exposure as as opposed to your words a love for exploring. And so um that there's a there's a this hidden cost and benefit in it. Um I'm not interested in like what I trade it. It just is my narrative. It's my story. Um I don't wish it for other people. I think there is a better way, but a little bit of unsettledness, directionally focused can actually do a lot. The thing was I was too much of a jerk during that time. And that that that sits with me more than anything. That's the the thing I'm most bummed about is that I was we didn't need another mic in the world when I was in my early late 20s. We don't need another one of those people. Yeah. Lane, you said you were a bit of a tiger shark, too, right? Yeah, I agree with that too. Yeah, there's an as there's a part of my life where I look back and go, I don't I don't want to be like that ever again. \[laughter\]

again. But learning to surf is within their own minds and the mastery of self. And I feel like that's what you did is you actually got on the board and learned your inner operating system and how to ride the wave in joy not fear. And both of you did. I don't surf. So how do we give people and what are the three tips or three tools of mastery that anyone who is wanting to change their life, change their story and learn about themselves so they can confidently sit in the chair and just be themselves. What are your three tips to finding inner mastery? What a fun question. First and foremost, like your community must love you guys. \[laughter\] Like you're really on it. you're you're honest about what you're doing. Like there's a there's a buoyancy, there's a curiosity, there's a knowing, um there's an that honesty is I think really important and very cool question and like um it's wonderful to kind of feel the way that you're going about it. So I imagine your people are stoked to be in your community. that that yeah that I don't think there's any um tips or tricks that like I'm interested in but I am interested in first principles and working those first principles and so a first principle for me that um is foundational is if you really want to know what you're capable of you do need to practice extending your danger line and that's really more of an emotional practice than it is anything else. And so if you sit with that for just a minute and you say, "Yeah, what are the things that I start to rattle?" You know, normally raise your hand or don't like or or speak honestly to somebody about things even though it's like vulnerable or whatever the danger line is for you, practice it. Now, to practice being on the danger line, you also need to have some skills to manage your emotions, to manage your thinking. And so that's where mindfulness would be a great practice for that. So a first principle is is extend your danger line. Um the second and so that requires an emotional um some sort of emotional training. The second is that nobody does it alone. We need each other. So your relationship with yourself is uh the foundation so that you can have extraordinary relationships with other people. So um you do need to put your life vest on. You do need to study yourself. You do need to know yourself. Um but at the same time being really curious and kind about how other people are navigating whatever it is that they're carrying in this world. And then um a third principle is that um it to live a great life does require a whole set of skill building and I'm most interested in the psychological skill building. So time under tension with knowing how to generate confidence, knowing how to generate a sense of calm, understanding um how to train optimism and the value of that um making sure that you're not naively living in a dangerous world um deeyed that everyone's there to take care of you like so you requires a lot of work if you will. So, this third bucket I'm talking about is that um invest in psychological skill building. And I'm sure you you would you would probably have a solution of all three of those somewhere in um your community. Yeah, we do. But we'd love to know in our book. In our book. Yeah. And we have a we've just launched actually a collective because we felt like people don't read the book all the way through or don't do all the tools. So, we we want to hold people through it and coach them through it and hold them accountable. We call ourselves like accountability partners, but I think our community would be really interested where they can do more work with you too, Dr. Mike. So, this is a brilliant book, Phobo. I learned a lot about myself in this and putting my hand up and not really giving a \[ \_\_ \] what other people think about me because I can't control that and I've really surrendered to that. Hence why we're podcast. Um, but where can they find you? Where can people do more work with you or hear from you because your wisdom is just so incredible. Oh, thank you for the kindness. Um, the our podcast is really kind of a cool way to hang out with us and that is finding mastery. It's wherever podcast, you know, you listen to your podcast. The website has good resources. I publish a lot um of writings and stuff and some of that's on our blog and the website. There's a newsletter that you can get from our website which is findingmastery.com. And then I'm pretty active on LinkedIn and you know uh social media handles um are all Michael Jet whether it's Instagram or LinkedIn. So those are some cool places. Um and then we've got a course we should talk about how to discount uh to your your community um the course and I we can talk about that how to how to make that available which is awesome I think a significant um bit of work to help people do the work. Love it. And what does it mean to be live your best life and be your best self to you? In a word or a sentence. Round us out. In a word or a sentence. Um or a phrase. Aligned. Yes. Aligned. Yeah. So I I think it's that's an important word for me. That's my word for 2026. I just want to Hey, is that a sign or what? Oh, it's a sign. \[laughter\] Yes. Well, very cool. Thank you, Dr. C. I trust that um you have opened your soul to us with meaning and purpose and that is just such a gift to us in our community and um we are so grateful for your wisdom and thank you for showing us what humanness really looks and feels like and I do trust you and the world. \[laughter\] We feel safe in your presence. Thank you Dr. Mike. It's been great having this chat with you. Thank you. See you. Thank you. Cheers. Have you been listening to this episode and thought, "Mike drop. Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist." Welcome to the Awake Collective, where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. \[music\] It is life transformative. Right, LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are \[music\] willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you heard today, then \[music\] the Awake Collective is for you. So come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au and join us for monthly coaching, a community that supports you and tools \[music\] that you can use in your life to thrive. Let's go. See you there.