Get It Right 30% of the Time

and wow, do we have an episode for you guys. We have got the queen of common sense. I felt like I was meeting Mary Poppins.

We've got Maggie Dent in the studio today and... So stoked. We are stoked because what we want to empower people to do

because it's changed our lives is to do the self work so that you can show up as the best version of yourself. And we are going to explore those dark scary corners

with Maggie today. And I feel like this episode will shine a light on focusing on the things that you can control

in your own world rather, and I've read Maggie's wonderful books, But you have gone through so many different avenues

of a growth and as a woman. You've been a former high school educational teacher, a palliative care counselor, a mother,

a funeral director, a celebrant. You've got four beautiful boys. You're a grandmother,

and really you're a national treasure of Australia. And now I've got, I'm sitting in between two- Greatness.

Two national treasures. Two national treasures. So I'm delighted that I get to hold the space there.

But Maggie, I want to thank you for doing something personally for me. My husband and I, he has three children

and I came into this world as a stepmother before I was a mother. And I have a very strong ideal of the parent

that I want to be because I've done a lot of self work and read a lot of the books, but nothing awakens you for the moment

that you're in the trenches. And because my husband has raised three children already, I was sort of turning to him for parenting advice,

even though it was going against something inside of my body. And you gave me the tools to sit down and have a conversation with my husband

and say, "I don't agree with the firm side." He came from a lineage of really strong parenting and he softened.

He opened up and we were able to change the dynamic in our relationship and change the way we parent. And I reflect on this beautiful moment

where he's calling around on the floor while Benji was having a tantrum and he's a dinosaur to him.

And this is someone who said, "Oh, they're trying to manipulate us, they're trying to work us."

I'm like, "No, Maggie has shown us, but maybe they are not capable of that." At that age. At that age.

And there he was crawling around like a dinosaur and I saw him look up at me like, "What the fuck am I doing?"

And Benji turned and we had such a big moment and laughter in that. And we just, it was such a big moment in my life.

And so I wanna thank you for that. If there's one thing I get stopped, and it's been, 'cause I've been around so long,

it's the number of times I get stopped by mums and dads, not only for a hug and a selfie, but to say thank you for shifting the messaging

around how we raise our boys, because that lens that says they're tough couldn't be further from the truth.

And they're actually way more vulnerable in so many ways. And that when we nurture that soft, gentle heart, you have this beautiful growth that happens within them

'cause they feel so much safer. They're just as sensitive as girls, even though they do the dumbest crap stuff jumping on.

Yeah, they're not as smart as girls. No, no, no. Technically, they're cognitively behind from birth.

That doesn't mean that they can't get there. What point do they catch up? No, I'm joking.

About 65. The memory's a whole 'nother area. And I joke 'cause I've got four,

my boys are now 45, 43, 41 and 37. And they've got really professional jobs and I've got a lawyer and an emergency doctor.

But they just still can't remember a damn thing. If I say, "Can you let the wife know?" No, they forget.

So I love, there's certain strengths within us, but I think I love what I hear you say because however we were raised, as you know,

until we unravel those imprints. And so for a lot of men, they felt that even though that wasn't the dad they wanted

and that it hurt in many ways and it scarred them in many ways, that imprint comes out unconscious and quickly.

But when we shine a lens on it through compassion, see how you came at it? If you don't come at a man, a father,

with judgment and criticism, he's more likely to open because he knows he wants to be a different dad. I've been working with dads for over 20 years

and all sorts of formats. And that's what they tell me. They say, "I just wish there was a game book."

And I say, "Well, you wouldn't read it." They would play it though, wouldn't they? As they had those moments of connection,

you know, not all the time.

And also when you've caused the rupture, then what we want you to do today is repair the rupture. Whereas in the past, boys were ruptured all the time

and made to feel there's something wrong with them because shame isn't what you did was wrong. You're wrong, there's something wrong with you.

And when that comes into adolescence, it often creates really angry boys who can make really poor choices.

Whereas if they still know they're loved, even when they muck up, you have a very different male going into that space.

Yeah, and I truly like watching my husband already nurture from that place. It's been, like it is, I'm in awe of the way

that he's changed his parenting style. And the kids even, so the older step kids are like, Benji's having a tantrum, you should do this to him,

or you should, you used to do that to us. And he'll turn around and say to them, "But I didn't get that right."

Yeah, I love it, I love it. Raising conscious parents is what I feel is your superpower and you're really changing

the conversation to, and I have deep, like for the parents who were hit or yelled at or isolated, for those people to be the ones

that are changing the way that they parent, that's courage. It is. And that's what's gonna change.

Beautiful, and also, dad's turning up. Like when I first started, there weren't any dads in the audience.

And now, it's often 50%, and they're not getting dragged along anymore. Yeah, I wanna be there.

Because they've found someone who doesn't shame them. And also, to be honest, I take the piss out of women as well as men.

And so they have a laugh, and then I kinda know how to weave that because laughter puts the boundaries down.

Disarming. And then I might hit 'em with the truth, and they go, "Oh."

We might go into a story, which of course, we learn a lot more from sometimes stories than a lecture. And then that little rotation just continues through,

and then they go, "Was that two hours? "Holy shit, was that two hours? "I never sit for two hours."

And so they sorta said, "Okay, I'll come along "and get three good ideas." 'Cause they only usually take three good ideas each time.

Until they can remember. Us too, though. Me too.

We can all remember. I love it. And that's in Australia over the last 20 years.

We need to celebrate how fantastic our dads are at turning up. When my first granddaughter arrived, and I was actually up here in Sydney out near Freshee,

and I took her to a park, there were no mothers there. There were dads with babies tied on and pushers. And they were given mums the morning off,

but with complete confidence. And part of my heart melted 'cause that wasn't happening 30 years ago.

What does that do? What have you noticed that is happening consciously in kids today because they've had a parent

who is more present, like father, mother, whatever their parenting style is, who get beside the kids and they're not dictators,

they're encouragers. What have you noticed the shift? 'Cause you just hear now, "Well, kids these days,

"and they're stuck on their phones, and they're lonely, "and they're this, and they're that." But you must see the other side of flourishing kids.

is that many parents feel now that their job is to keep their children super happy all the time, and that every experience needs to be sparkly and gorgeous.

And that's crap, right? So sometimes they're not holding their swagger around their boundaries and around,

I just let it go because I don't want them crying, 'cause I don't want to damage that loving attachment. So that bit's a bit messy.

The rest of it, you can see those kids who've had the boundaries and the warmth, you know, the firm, fair parent and the loving parent,

you see a very different child there. They don't have the same scars going into the teenage years. And I also would love to know who the person was

who changed the rules of Pass the Parcels. Oh, so everyone gets a prize. Yeah, so, you know, at some ridiculous level,

I don't know if the self-esteem movement that meant, oh, you got to keep it under fives where you need to learn about disappointment and frustration.

And so that's one of the hardest parts of parenting, is to be able to go, no, I'm sorry, you're not having the bikkie before dinner.

We just don't have it. I know you're upset, but no, same in the shopping center. Even though you risk that tantrum in front of other humans,

we hold that space, but we don't hold it with nastiness. We don't have to hit, we don't have to shout. We go, no, it's still no.

I know you're unhappy, it's still no. Yeah, it's a firm no for me. It's a firm no.

To that point, especially when we think about the Pass the Parcel experience, for example, everyone gets a ribbon,

everyone gets a prize for showing up. Little trophies for every week for fairest and best in junior soccer.

Don't start me on that. Yeah, don't start me on that one either. And then, you know, stickers for breathing.

Oh my goodness.

is this notion around resilience and building resilience in our children. And I noticed that I'm not a parent,

so I'm kind of sitting back and just listening and observing, but of course I was a child. And I often am talking to parents

about the ability to build resilience in their kids. Now, I feel like we're building reliance by giving everyone a trophy and giving everyone a prize

and softening the blow and making everything okay. Does that, I guess this is gonna be a quite an in-depth question.

Number one, is that a generational hangover? Number two, why is it so hard to sit in discomfort as a man?

And number three, why do men love to fix everything all the time? Not much there.

No, it's pretty loaded. Okay. So any one of those.

Let me go back first to the notion of resilience. I've written a whole book about it, and when I was doing that, I looked at

how do we build strengths in children so that they can navigate hard times? 'Cause that's what it's actually about, right?

And obviously being a farmer's daughter, I saw a lot of that on a farm. So therefore, my ability to manage death and dying

is so much more different to a kid who's never had to help move the bodies of dead lambs because foxes have killed them.

So it's about building strengths. But in today's world, the lens has always looked back on, I don't know when it happened.

Let's look at the deficits in our kids and try and fix those. When in actual fact, the later research says,

just keep building the strengths in your kids, whether it's life skills or their ability to lose or it's their ability to do things for themselves.

Is it the ability to motivate from within? Which is why I absolutely love the long monkey bars because no kid conquers it for a while,

and you fall off and fail a lot. And what motivates you is not your mom there with a sticker or a trophy.

What motivates you is you saw a kid you don't like who can do it, or your sibling did it, or a kid smaller than you.

So the motivation comes from within, and that inner locus is the part that raises us to be more capable later.

So going back to those other questions again, what was the first one again? Resilience. Yeah, resilience,

not reliance. Building resilience, not reliance. So we allow our kids to be around hard things.

And I feel culturally, I still think the toughest people are in Queensland 'cause they get thumped the most with cyclones and floods and...

Extreme. All that sort of stuff. But what we actually have noticed, too,

is when families are around that and prepare kids for those times, we're preparing for something

that could be life-threatening. That's one part, we prepare. So the same thing goes for, right,

we've got big exams coming up in year 12, so we're gonna prepare for that. That can be really a bit stressful,

but it's a part of life, right, instead of automatically assuming that we're gonna feed into their anxiety.

"If you know you're starting a novel, you'll fail." Well, that's not terribly helpful, is it? So that preparing, and then when it happens,

what do we do to help? And when kids participate in helping, overcome from difficult things,

you're actually raising resilient kids. So they help clean up, they help, you know, and I remember once there was a big flood

in Bundaberg, and I put a piece out that sort of said, just remember sometimes, automatically, if you wanna send your kids to the grandparents in Melbourne

while everything's tricky, it might seem like a great solution, but what we actually know from research

is the kids that stay, that actually see the helpers come, that are part of the cleanup, that actually sleep side by side

with Mum in that rescue center, instead of worrying the hell out of them from Melbourne, end up being more capable and more balanced

four or five months later when the other kids come back. So again, it's not overprotecting them, but it's also not drowning them in it.

And I think there's so many things in that journey that we are today far more attuned into wanting to avoid them ever experiencing those moments.

Well, we're biologically wired to wanna keep our kids safe. We have a quick favor to ask. If this podcast has been landing for you,

please hit subscribe and leave us a rating or review. It helps us grow the show and keep bringing these conversations to more people.

So that prevents you from actually sitting in it, which is the second part of the question. Why is it so difficult for a parent

to sit in the discomfort? Because I feel like the best way to breed and encourage resilience is through curiosity,

through asking the question, not solving the problem. But that requires the adult to sit in the discomfort of the pain of the child.

Why is that so difficult? Well, nobody likes having their body flooded with cortisol 'cause it feels crap.

You feel kinda like you're getting all of that sort of stuff so what do we wanna do? I wanna feel better.

So the ways we feel better in today's world, especially if you've got a phone, it's been given lots of wonderful ways to do it

that aren't terribly helpful sometimes. Dopamine, dopamine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, how do I make you an eye?

But also, I think you're absolutely right. Before we had that incredible distractibility from screens and phones,

you didn't have an awful lot of choice, right? So often we were all more comfortable sitting in the discomfort.

In boredom. Oh, boredom, so good. And it's one of those crazy things, isn't it,

that we, quick, quick, quick. So I feel like the screens have come in and made it harder for people to do that,

but also I think we've oversold mental wellbeing. Yeah. You know, we've made it look like

you're all supposed to be zen-like or calm all the time. Well, no, you're not. Freak, if you're late, I'm sorry,

but that's cortisol, you're gonna be late, right? You notice I'm early? Yeah, that's one of my stressors.

So I always turn up really early 'cause the second one that stresses me is getting lost and I do that a lot.

So I do both of those and I feel you're absolutely right is that the more comfortable a parent is to sit in those moments.

And I keep saying, if you're stressed because you've got a deadline coming up, the kids know.

Like, so if I'm a bit crabby in the next week, I've got a deadline coming up. That really is a realistic preparation for life

because it doesn't matter what sort of thing that's coming towards us. And where the amygdala is not our enemy,

it's kind of warning us that we've got some challenge coming and if we can tap into that and use that, then, and if we can model that for our kids,

I feel that the pressure on parents to be perfect is ridiculous today. And you would know how judgy the mum world is.

You know, that wasn't there before. So therefore I find that parents- Yeah, there's a lot of should manuals

from other mums and dads. But also I find they're much harder on themselves and are beating themselves up

more than previous generations did. And I want them just to lower the bar because seriously, you know,

does it matter if the house is a bit of a mess on the night we're all exhausted? No, no. Yeah.

Unless you're fearful of someone judging you for it. So they're not there. And then the other day, Benji wasn't invited.

There was a party and everyone was at the one party and then they'd go to the other party and half of the party left to that one

and Benji wasn't invited to it. And he said to me, "Where are they going?" You know, and I was like, "All testers."

It was like almost pain to me. So their ability to navigate that, the not invited, has to do with under five,

not getting past the parcel, not winning this, not winning that and having opportunities to fail and feel it.

I had you in my head. Yeah. 'Cause I didn't even want to tell him that that's where they were going.

So I wanted to avoid it entirely 'cause he didn't ask at that point. And then like, it brought me back.

Lael Stone did this regression therapy on me and it was like, "Who are you upset for?" And it was little tests,

not getting invited to. Of course it was. Of course it is. Of course it's triggering. So I was able to just say, "There's another party,

"which you're not going to." And he just looked at me and I said, "But we're gonna go home and rest

"'cause we've had a big day." And that was enough for him 'cause it was, it was, yeah. Or else we might say, "Yeah, you might feel

"that it's a bit sad, why weren't you invited?" But you know what, there's always a million other parties coming, mate, and it's okay to feel that way if you did.

But if you didn't feel that way, move on. I loved it and I didn't want to tackle it 'cause he didn't feel anything.

So I'm like, "I'm not gonna be the imprint of that." Yeah, you can project your own feelings onto him and help him feel it.

And we do this a lot around death and dying, obviously with my background in death and dying. When children are a part of it,

even if it's an anticipated death, they handle it way better in age-appropriate ways. And that's why when I'm doing a ceremony or something

and a two-year-old runs down the chapel and bangs on the casket and says, "My poppy in here!" There's this fundamental kind of sense of continuation

of life, which is death's not the end of everything. And it also normalizes it because we used to do it, whereas now many of them will say,

"Oh no, the dog got sent to a farm." No, we had it put down. So what we need to do is we prepare them

and we allow them to experience it. Whatever emotion comes up is very valid. They don't have to experience it the same as you.

And then we move through it and we validate why. Why does it feel so? Why does our heart hurt?

Our heart only hurts when we lose something we love. It doesn't hurt when it's, I'm sorry, goldfish, really. You don't pat them.

So it's not quite the same bond. You might be really fond of them, but sorry. Depends what the goldfish got you through.

Yes. When I was seven, my mother died and I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral

because I was deemed too young. So I didn't get to experience that sense of closure or saying goodbye.

Absolutely. Yeah, so I feel robbed of that opportunity. And I meet men who were even more excluded

because before funerals emerged into more celebration than loss, women weren't allowed to go

because they couldn't handle it, too emotional. Whereas holy poop, the whole point of it is being honest and authentic about our emotions.

And so gradually over time, when I was working in the funeral industry and doing them, we noticed that there was more laughter coming into them.

There was more lightness. That's what women drink. And there was celebration. So there's three things in a funeral.

One is goodbye. One is the thankfulness and gratitude of the life. And then the other is the celebration.

So two counteracts one. So then, and kids being a part of that and kids getting up and doing readings and kids singing,

it's just a very different space. But I noticed with the men that were excluded, particularly if their dad had died by suicide,

it was swept under a mat, nobody ever mentioned it. And that carries a great scar inside them of a grief they have no understanding of how to process it.

And I worked with a number of men in their 40s who had never spoken to anyone about the death of their father from the time it happened,

'cause no one would, and how we unraveled that. And also I do a lot of energetic work and how we were able to release all this blocked grief

for the dad they loved. Who they could only just remember and it's still trapped in the body.

'Cause men are obviously, well not obviously, men are often positioned to be the protector and the provider.

And the stoic. And stoic, which is a really toxic mentality. And the fixer, which is the third part of the question.

Yeah, we'll get to that, yeah.

And then they project that upon the organization. Yeah. Is that?

Or family. Or family. In the work that you're doing,

how are you seeing that influence the way people lead and the impact that's happening on our nation and our world? Well, there's no question that that man box

kind of perception that you've got there is really linked to what traditional cultures were very much about.

Like what were the women doing? They were doing basically raising their children and all the organization.

What were the guys doing? Out there practicing killing. Killing things that were a threat.

Killing deers for dinner. Practice killing and being really tough to make sure. And I've walked the Western Front where my grandfather fought

and came across mass graves of men who went to do exactly that, right? And remember, no woman was fighting

even though they were doing nursing, whereas now we have women in the arms forces. So what we actually realized was that

that is definitely an aspect of healthy masculinity, right? It is. However, that stoicness is actually, I'm gonna hold this

until I'm in a safe space for me to let myself be more authentic about how I feel vulnerable. That requires a lot of self-awareness.

Oh, well, yes and no. So as our boys are being nurtured with a more sensitive and loving nature,

it's safer for them later to be able to own those spaces. And it's one of the things I sometimes mention. So those aspects are great,

but we're now adding heart into it. And authenticity, but it's often more courageous to be vulnerable than it is to be not.

And one of the things I've noticed over the years is that when a man who's struggling actually turns to the woman if he has one in his life

and owns it, what happens for us women, we tap into it and grab the masculine energy, and we come at, we're like fierce lionesses for our bloke.

We'll do whatever we can to walk by him until he's well. Right, so it's that masculine feminine energy. So it is inside men, which I'm now seeing

with them turning up exactly how you've explained about your partner. He's now allowing feminine energy into his masculine energy,

but it's not diminishing who he is as a man. How do we liberate that, though? The man that's been the strong, the provider,

the masculine man, how do we liberate that in a man that doesn't trust it, doesn't believe in it? Well, we can't tell them what they're doing wrong.

That's the very first thing, because, okay, there's this sensitivity, and we go back to that, why do they like fixing things?

Yes. Okay, so this is my version of how I see boys and men and self-worth,

and it's linked to that biological stuff, and that is that men were wired to be the protector and defender and fixer.

And so often when they're given something that they can do, and I talk about the flat pack from Bunnings and IKEA, the average bloke loves putting it together,

but he doesn't wanna look at the instructions. Yes. And then he goes, "Oh, you don't need those bits.

"Come and have a look." And I'm like, "Look what I've done." And they do, they get this.

But it's also why sometimes they're more competitive, because when I win, that means I've done good. So for little boys, just being able to build a Duplo tower

to the height they wanted to is a moment of, so they give themselves self-worth. So when a man who has got the rigid perception,

the only way to be a man is what we've shared, then challenging that needs to be done very, very gently. And that's why it took a long time

for men to turn up at your workshops. Yeah. And then they started to.

I was doing this many, many years ago, and there'd be like 25 women and two guys. Whereas now they, so it is shifting.

And I feel that those men, if they're able to hold that stoic space without causing harm to themselves,

the ones around them, or the world around them, then we need to honor and respect that they may stay in that state.

And by the way, may miss the depth of intimacy that they secretly yearn. Yeah.

So can you get that on the second time around? I'm reflecting on, so for a man, being like open and vulnerable is unsafe.

So it does feel like it's hurting them because in the past, boys don't cry. They're shamed, like I'll get ahold of yourselves.

Don't be a wuss, like all of that. Absolutely. So for them to go over that growth line is huge.

And I didn't realize this until I sort of looked into the manosphere, what the language was.

There was sort of this rhetoric that, and recently, that if a man was vulnerable to his, I'm just talking about heterosexual relationships

at this point, 'cause that was my reference point, but this would be open to any. If he was open to her,

then she would lose trust and respect for him. It's actually the opposite. And I had this exact question

in one of our men's only workshops. And this guy put up his hand and said, I really want a woman's opinion on this

'cause I've only heard it from men. What happens when a man opens up? And to you, do you lose?

And I said, sexual attraction? He's like, yeah. Is it a sign of weakness to you?

And I have permission from Chris to tell this story 'cause I told it in that moment is Chris was in a low point in his life

and I knew that something was wrong. So a woman's instinct is like, you talk about tiger woman, you just know.

It's fierce. I didn't wanna beat it out of him, but I was like, shake it out of him?

Stay feminine, stay feminine. And he opened up and he said to me at the start, holding space is hard, isn't it?

'Cause I wanted to go into fix-it mode. And he told me this and it just expanded our relationship and intimacy went up, everything just opened.

I know, it's one of the lies they've been fed, isn't it, quite sad, isn't it?

that's out there that's about domination and about just getting their needs met and that, because, you know, and I know this is a little bit cheeky,

but it's one of the things I throw out at my audiences at times if you're raising tween and teen boys and you're worried about their porn use,

don't sit down with a lecture. But what you'd start with maybe as you're driving down the freeway at 110K per hour

so they can't get out, and they're in the back seat so there's no eyeball nonsense, and it can be mum or dad, and you can say,

"You know, mate, I've just been reading up "about the porn around here at the moment. "I just wanna, you know, one day I want you

"to have absolutely fantastic sex. "I want you to be able to share your body "in a way that's just so full of joy

"and pleasurable and respectful and responsive, "and man, I hope you get to have that, "but porn is never gonna give you that."

And then you want 'em to shut up. Because that boy in the back has never heard that. But there's nothing coming after it just then,

'cause he's screaming like that. He will sit with that and think about that, and then later on there might be another mic drop moment

that says, you know, I've noticed that, I've read in the news of, you know, women and girls being choked as a consequence,

and I said, you know, "I just need to let you know "that's so, so not okay at any point." Even if she asked for it.

Exactly, it's too much of a risk, right? And that's it. We just do one little micro drop at a time

that allows, and also the honoring of female pleasure. So the whole point is you both enjoy it. Yes. You know,

that's sometimes something completely new to a boy. Porn does not demonstrate that. See, and so it's these little micro moments

that give them, because in actual fact, they do think quite deeply about these things, and that's what makes me so cross about, you know,

big tech and how it snatches our kids, 'cause quite often a boy innocently just puts a question in that says, "How do I get a girl to like me?"

And within three or four days, he's been pulled by the algorithm into the worst possible sites

of where you get that question answered. Wouldn't it be great, you know, if there is a father figure,

or a mum who's as crazy as I am who has the conversations. Yeah, or a teacher. Or a teacher. But you see, lectures don't work.

Yeah. But we've got to touch the moments inside them and let them feel a truth

that they may not have heard before so they can think about it, and then see it with a different lens.

and in Australian culture right now, if not the world. We have sports stars who are celebrating in a way that should be condemned,

and the treatment of women in that room, although it's still under investigation, it still happened, and as an elite athlete,

you know, we've talked about this, how is that the pressure release of a win? Yeah. As an environment.

Yeah, what standard is that setting and... Yeah, how does that, how... How does it, how does that...

How did we get there? How does competing as a team and winning result in having a prostitute in your hotel room?

Yeah. What's the story? And at the time of year. And at the time of year, yeah.

Sorry, that one, that was right up there first as a basketball coach, when you've got to be thinking, there's a grand final, what do you, what the?

Yeah. Yeah. But that was part of a, that's part of a release, so we've learned that as a release modality.

Yep. We also have... Go for a run. Yeah. Yeah.

We also have Sam... We'll have a wank. Yes, put yourself in the shower four times in a row. Yeah, really good time.

We also have another case with Sam Wood, strangulation of someone or something in a home. Sadly, a woman passed away, a young girl

on the northern beaches by a strangulation through sex, I think she was 16. Yep.

What is going on? Why, why are we raising a generation that uses these as modalities still to this day?

Yeah, so there is no question that the influence of tech in terms of drowning our kids in the content that makes this far more visible.

So on that whole journey, you know, it's not only, you know, kids don't look for pornography. It's wired to find them in sidebars on Minecraft,

it's even in kids' YouTube. So the disgusting psychos in big tech want this because the more outrageous the content is,

the more likely that you cannot put it down, the more ads they see and the more millions they make. They are responsible for the increase in this

'cause it's not just boys on that journey, it's many men who start thinking, "You know, my testosterone level's dropping,

"I'm around 40, he's not standing up as quick "as I'd like him to, I'll watch a bit of porn, "it'll help me get aroused."

And they get caught in the hole as well and it's not the respectful porn. There is some out there, trust me,

someone showed it to me and it's quite different to what the other stuff... Yeah, it's produced by women. Yes.

Does it have a narrative? No, no, not really, but you can see the difference, right? And also, so one of my challenges is,

and I've said this to Dan Principe is, how can we... Who's Dan Principe? And so he's one of the best boy educators

out there at the moment and goes into schools all the time talking about this and pulling it apart. And I said, so if we can find some scenes out of movies

where there was tender, early lovemaking where both of them are bumbling along a little bit and it's just a little bit different,

like imagine if we could drown the internet with that. So that's what the kids see, they don't see this horrible stuff.

So when you tie that with the pull into the negative side of the manosphere, all you're feeding is domination, all you're feeding is excessive power

and yet physical intimacy actually isn't that. They're being sold a lie and then it just gets louder and louder.

So to me, until we can protect our kids from seeing it and we make tech really become more responsible and that's one of the good things

the eSafety Commissioner has done and that's the restricted materials code, that is now starting to really kick in

where you will have to prove you're over 18 to be able to see some of the harmful content and that's beheadings, that is violence,

that is the stuff that we don't know our kids are seeing. Yeah, there's no closer to it. If we can block it a bit,

we're gonna prevent them being marinated in it before they have their first sexual experience with a human. How much is it, so that's things that are,

not completely outside of a parent's control but it doesn't take long for another kid to bring in... That's it, on the bus, sleepovers.

Yeah, one in four women are abused in a domestic setting in all areas. So it's not even culturally or demographically split,

it's one in four. How much is it of them watching their parents like so, like becomes like?

I really don't know in terms of the reality of what they're seeing but I think every single one of us in Australia has to really be fairly fired up

about this at the moment that we're the worst figures for domestic violence in the world. Why?

That's the question, why? We can't just be blaming the influence of these things on top of it 'cause those things are all around the world.

That's why I've been so passionate. A woman a week is dying from domestic violence. And usually from an intimate or previous intimate partner.

Very rarely is it a stranger but every now and then there is so you're absolutely right and the experts are unraveling it and we're all working in all sorts of areas

but at the moment, it's not changing. And it makes me a bit sad because that's what I've invested the last 20 years of my life and how do we raise our boys

to be beautiful, good humans and while we're winning and I've got four sons who are incredibly respectful humans who are horrified at what they're seeing

and how do we shift the Australian culture around those things that sort of the good guys are out there and they're far more of them than the assholes

but so often they stay silent. Yeah, that's a problem. And I feel that is gradually shifting

'cause I'm actually running these four masterclass, five masterclass at the moment with really good men who are in this space and that's their big thing

that we need men not to stay silent when disrespect happens even though you may risk, you know? Social cred. Yeah.

But in actual fact, so often when they say that thing even as a teenage boy, so we need to coach our teenage boys. What's the thing you say if a guy says,

"Oh, she's just a slut." What do we coach our boy to say? Right, immediately when you've coached him enough,

he's gonna go, "Nah, mate, that's not okay." He will usually go, "Yeah, no, you're right." But if they haven't got the tools

and the repartee to do the instant response, they'll stay silent. And they wanna belong.

I think it's exactly... It's the belonging of it. They're biologically wired, girls and boys, to be hanging out with kids of their own age

and they'll do often some things we don't wish they'd do to belong. I know when I was a kid actually,

I guess I had a better understanding of who I wanted to be and that gave me the confidence or the impetus to surround myself with people who mirrored that

or demonstrated that behavior, role-modeled that behavior. So I was often hanging out with people that were a lot older than me

and I was always hanging out with guys. I rarely hung out with girls and because of that generation in the '90s,

girls were quite vicious and vindictive and emotionally manipulative. So I tended to stray away from being with the girls.

The older guys I felt safe with, I felt protected and honored and respected. I was often called Frigid Gidget

because I wasn't involved, I wasn't interested in sex, I wasn't interested in intimacy, I just wanted to be surfing and having fun.

And so if we're, is that part of the ticket, right?

Yes, your lighthouse figures. Yeah, lighthouse figures aren't mom and dad. They're the other people in your life

that you turn to sometimes when you wanna have that chat. Yeah, I have plenty of those. Sometimes it's awesome teachers,

sometimes it's coaches, sometimes, and there's no question. Where does a step-parent fit in this?

'Cause I like, it is a confusing world in there. Yeah, and I prefer to call them the bonus. Yeah, bonus mom, yeah.

Doesn't matter, you still have that capacity. It depends whether you are, is the other parent around who's the same gender

and then we recognize, we negotiate, what do we call? But once you're in an intimate relationship with the parent of the child,

that's a really important space to be. And at different times, getting feedback from the kids on how you're doing is, well, actually,

every parent should do that. What am I doing that's great and what do I need to work on? You start having those conversations with your kids,

you'll shift your parenting in a direction you wouldn't believe because so often they're right. This is what you're doing great

and this is, I really wish you'd stop doing that. Doesn't matter whether you are the step, the bonus, or the real one.

You're there in their lives and you have that role. Some can do both, but that lighthouse figure, you're talking about me, I'm the tomboy.

I just didn't, you can't surf on a farm. And I hung out with the boys because I found girls just annoyingly frustrating.

Yes, me too. I just was not that, so I had brothers, but my younger brother and I were really good mates.

And so, and the saddest part for me was I couldn't play AFL 'cause women didn't in those, 'cause I played with, I didn't know, so I went into basketball.

I only coach boys, right, for the very similar reason that I get them, I understand how they think and feel. And then when I, fortunately was blessed

with an intensive breeding program with four sons, I was pumped, even though people kept saying, poor you Maggie, you haven't got a girl.

And I'm going secretly, so glad. You know, I now have granddaughters and I love them very much but it really took me a while to refigure myself into that

'cause I'd forgotten I was a girl. I had no gender confusion, but I just preferred. Just preferred being a boy, yeah.

Yeah, so at school I'd be out down the basketball court or out in the oval kicking footballs. Yeah.

And I, and it's interesting that there are still girls like that again, but what I worked out,

Right, in my teaching, in my counseling, in my endeavor to kind of be the best person. I was just running this, which one of my big workshops,

I remember the guy saying to me, you do realize Maggie, that sometimes you need the feminine energy. So what are you talking about?

And he said, well, the masculine energy is commanding and demanding, but the feminine is receiving and accepting.

And so you'll give yourself a brain tumor if you keep going like this. And I thought, whoa.

But the mind shift that came with it later is, it was pretty well, pretty handy to realize. I was in such a hurry.

Yeah, me too. But guess what I was trying to do? So my mom was not a warm, loving mom,

and also it's the 50s, so I was belted a lot, but she used to say, you never amount to anything. Oh.

You're never gonna be good enough. Why? So what was I in a hurry for?

To prove it wrong. To grow up. To prove it wrong. Yeah, to grow up.

So I'm trying to prove to myself that I have worth and value, so I'll be an over-people pleaser, overachiever.

And yeah, I nearly wiped myself out trying to do that, and that's why I burnt out and had life wake-up calls. Yes.

And I really appreciated those, and it was all that work I did in personal growth, and I did all sorts of really weird stuff,

but fairly intensive stuff as well, was I got to the point where actually I'm okay. Who I am is actually an okay human.

We deviated off a little bit, and I'm glad that we did, 'cause we touched on some really important ground, but we wanted to understand who is the real Maggie Dent.

Like, how does a woman from the farm, a girl from the farm, land on who am I? And how did you get there?

What were your levels of self-growth and modality? It's like, let's get into it. And you know how I love to multi-layer questions.

I'd like to add one more to that. Is the failed suicide attempt, was it that that gave you the awareness

that I'm a good human? No. No, okay.

No, that was the awareness that I was going in the wrong direction. So the only thing I pegged...

You're not grateful that you failed. The only thing I pegged my self-worth on to prove mum wrong was I was smart.

Right. So I'm gonna go to uni. I studied my ass off, no question.

I am an insatiable learner, and I love, you know, it was perfect, but I was gonna be a journalist.

First, they wanted me to do law, but I just, you know, a part of me, it was a bit dry, so I thought I'll do journalism, you know, I don't know.

And I failed my first essay in my entire life, and that was literally, I can remember walking out. It was actually 46, which today is a pass.

Yeah, we can actually let you pass at 46. Get a ribbon too. And it was, yeah, probably.

And a little trophy. And it was a essay on the Senate, which is great. I said I'll never do politics.

Yeah. But as I walked from where I picked up my paper back to where I was boarding,

that inner critic in me just said, well, that's it. Your mom was right. There's no point staying.

And I had had no plans. I had friends, I had a boyfriend, I played basketball. I was studying, you know, other subjects were going right,

and that was it, that was it, that was the cringe. That's exactly why sometimes the stories were getting printed so deeply from our childhood,

can cause us to do things that you wouldn't normally do, 'cause it's not a rational state. Anyway, I got back to my room

and tried to end my life, and I didn't succeed, and I remember laying in a fetal position

with snot and tears everywhere, and I felt so alone. My ally was really my sister. My dad was my other ally, but he was obviously on a farm,

and there's no phones. And as I lay there, the sun shone on me through the window, and I'm a nature lover, and I felt,

I think that's a message, I wasn't supposed to die. Look how easy it was. I need to work with young people.

I'm gonna go and do teaching. And from the moment I stepped into that classroom, you know, that was the place I needed to be.

And over the years, it was not how I taught them how to write an essay. You know, God forbid how many times you do ballads.

It was, I can see something in every one of these kids that maybe they can't see 'cause I couldn't see it, and I became that sort of a lighthouse figure

for kids over, you know, up and off and on for 15 years. And then I had that realization, I thought... Maggie, just on that, I want to blow it in.

So sorry. Please stop apologizing, because what... Yeah.

Pain to purpose is totally, both of us, that's why we're sitting here. Yeah, I know.

And it feels like that is your pain to purpose is the inner critic, and we forget how strong that is. In this emotion that you're feeling

and we're feeling right now, and I can really see that warm light, what comes up for you?

What's in there right now? Oh, I think it was, that was the moment my heart opened to me,

and that I felt hope. And that's why I wanted to take that forward and give that hope to other young people.

Didn't mean to say that I wasn't still pushing too hard and being too hard on myself, but I never ever returned into that darkness ever.

which is another significant moment. Yeah. Is it just because I was stubborn?

Okay, so. Yes, I am. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Any format that... I still was taking on more. So the people pleaser thing hadn't been healed

'cause I hadn't done enough workshops on that. And so at one point I had three boys under five, and then, so my littlest one was 18 months old.

I'm running my husband's vet business 'cause he's a brilliant vet but not good at running a business.

And then I was volunteering at hospice, and I was also on the school board, and the kindy board, and I ran the front.

Well, if you're not working full time, I was filling up that stuff. And then...

Are you enough yet? The boys didn't have, they didn't go to daycare 'cause I actually, it wasn't a thing I believed in.

And I had a lovely English nanny who used to come for two hours if everyone needed to dash out. She saved my life so many times.

Anyway, I had had some things going on, and a doctor had done a D&C on me to check a lump in my fallopian tube,

which ended up being nothing. But anyway, 10 days later, it's Boxing Day. All three of my boys came down with chicken pox,

which they call chicken pops, on Christmas Day. So we're now quarantined and can't go out and have Christmas. And I'm out watering.

And I looked, and I had blood running down my leg, and I thought, what the? 'Cause I didn't actually have heavy periods.

Anyway, that's a bit weird. Anyway, I went and sat down for a moment and had a cup of tea, and then I looked,

and I kinda had some blood in my lap. And I rang my girlfriend, who lived around the corner, and said, "Dai, what's a heavy period?"

She said, "What's going on?" I said, "I've got blood running down my leg." She said, "I'm coming to pick you up

"and gonna take you to the hospital." I said, "No, no, we'll be, I'll be fine." Freakin' women, "I'll be fine."

I got this. "This is not "a big enough deal." Yeah. No one's dying here. No one's dying here.

You're totally like, holy shit. She's like, "I'm gonna come pick the boys up "and drop 'em at her poor hubby."

And don't worry, her two kids had chicken pox from mine. So we were all chicken poxy. So he looked after the fun. That was a thing of the day,

wasn't it? I know. Just dropped them over. Just had 'em all get over. Got to the hospital alone, and yeah.

So I was bleeding. And so the doctor came and quickly said, "Oh, probably a post-operative little thing.

"Give us some fluids. "You'll probably send her home in two hours." And he went off to his winery.

Well, by, you know, three hours later, I'm starting to push out clots. And I'm bleeding like mad.

And I'm vomiting every 20 minutes. And he was non-contactable. Anyway, so then they started to put some blood into me.

And I'm an A-neg. There wasn't much A-neg blood in Albany at the time. And then they gave me really old blood.

And then they gave me plasma, and it wasn't stopping. And I remember them, my blood pressure plummeted. They've wrapped me in a foil to keep me warm 'cause I'm...

And I can remember then losing consciousness and going down the tunnel. And apparently while I was in that unconscious state,

and that was a really big thing for me, I just... It was the release, 'cause I'd been vomiting for 16 hours by then.

And not that there was anything to vomit, you know? Anyway, and I remember that. I'm going down the tunnel thinking,

"Oh, just let go, it's too hard." And then I remembered my boys, I went, "No! "No, I'm not going yet!

"No, I can remember putting my foot in feet." And then apparently what they'd done is ran King Edward Memorial Hospital, a women's hospital,

and said, "Look, that sounds like a hormonal dysfunction. "Give her progesterone." Which is, they managed to get that into me,

and it actually stopped the hemorrhaging. And they kept on putting plasma and more fluids back into me. So I actually, the near-death experience

when I came around from it, shifted my whole lens of my life. Because on a basketball court, I was so competitive.

Winning was the only thing. And it took me quite a long time to recover, 'cause my, you know, I was so anemic.

I couldn't look after my boys, and that was really hard for me as super mom. And then I just kept staring at it,

and I'm just grateful I'm still here. So it shifted my whole lens around mothering, which meant I was so much more relaxed about it.

I was more fun. Not only that, when I played basketball, I did it for the joy of it.

Everything shifted in my life about me needing to be something bigger. Even though I'd found that joy before,

this one was the one that shifted it forever. And that's what shifted me in a direction, saying, "So there's some things I need to heal."

And that ultimately made you bigger. That's it. Like it actually was the catalyst

to propel you into the world, to do what you've done. Exactly. To change the world through your writing,

through your teaching, through everything that you've done. So that surrendering actually... It was the surrender.

Propelled you into the greatness that you are. I know, a near-death experience can be such a wake-up call.

And I'm so grateful that I had it, which sounds really bizarre, doesn't it? Not really.

Not really. As to what you've been through. No, most people sit here and say,

"Thank God for the wake-up call." If you're prepared to listen to it.

Let go of, yes. Oh, let go of, yeah, all of those wirings. Well, the first thing I kind of realized was

why was I so hard on myself? Even though I'd realized I was worthy, there were still things that kept me

attacking myself when I wasn't enough, you know, when I failed. What were those things? Yeah, those moments, those inner critic was loud.

And I wanted to tame that a bit more. So why were you so hard on yourself? All to do with, once again,

still that voice from my mum that I was still playing in my head. Even though I'd claimed my worth,

I still felt there was something to prove. Yeah, when did she pass? 1995, and I did completely get to make peace with my mum.

It's quite interesting. After I did one particular workshop where I needed to work at the rage and anger

towards my mum for not being able to love me. And I remember... The way that you wanted to be loved.

The way that I, yeah, that's exactly what happened. I ripped apart a bean bag and I snarled at every woman in the room.

It was frightening, I was scary as hell. And when I was in that collapsed state at the end, the facilitator leaned over and said,

"Is there any chance your mum loved you as much as she was capable of?" And then I realized that she was wounded too.

That shifted everything for me. And it's no joke how profound that is, because a couple of weeks later I ended up in Perth

and mum and dad were up there and dad and I were just telling hilarious jokes and laughing 'cause I have his sense of humor.

And I came into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Mum came in and said, "Oh, you just make us laugh so much." And then she paused and said, "I love you."

And I went, "Holy shit, mum, I'm 37. This is the first time you've ever said it." And she said to me, "It's always got stuck in my throat."

Oh, wow. But because I'd lost my rage. Oh.

And that's when I realized how much our intimate relationships are to do with whatever we're holding in our nervous system

that hasn't yet gone. And that's what took me. And I ended up over doing Jack Canfield's

10-day facilitation course in America, which is all sorts of little, I was wanting to be a better teacher,

but it was about being a better human. And the little activities we did every now and then, I kept thinking, wow,

there's another little layer off the onion. But it was funny, 'cause Jack came up to me at one point and said, "So how does a girl from the bottom

"of Down Under get here?" And I went, "I don't know." A lot of fuckin' pain.

And also, there was a gathering, quite a lot of us women were gathering after the day. Anyway, it was so funny,

'cause that sense of humor's very cheeky as well. And we were talking to the women in the room, and the Americans at the time still wouldn't even

say the word fart. And toilet was, it was still that lens of puritanical, you know, and I've turned up, and I'm a farm kid,

and I'm a bit honest anyway. And I thought, I might have mentioned, you know, how great a really good orgasm is,

and they all nearly fell on the floor, 'cause the word orgasm had never been said in their out, they read it, but they've never said it.

So we actually came up with all sorts of, we were actually talking about something that, you know, very rarely are women, you know,

nowadays, if you've got a best girlfriend, you might do it. And we were giggling our heads off, and how often we faked it, and why were we faking it.

And it was this really, anyway, and he said to me after that, he said, "And I hear there's some conversations

"about the big O going on in the room." I didn't realize his partner was actually with us. And I thought, oh my God, how weird is that,

that we allow authentic, honest conversation, sometimes just being heard, and hearing another person with a similar story.

You guys do it all the time in your workshops. So truth-telling can actually be so powerful, you might not need 58 hours of counseling,

is owning a truth and making a statement can make such a shift. It can be so healing.

Amen. It's interesting, when I asked you about your mom, and that healing that you had with her,

a lot of the people that I've witnessed have the most profound awakenings or moments in our workshops, or any workshop that I've attended

is realizing that even though that voice is physically dead, it's still very much alive. And so why do we allow that level of critic in our lives,

even though it's not there anymore? I've learned to completely quieten it, it's amazing. How?

Okay, so this is... Yeah, okay, okay, there's lots of steps in this journey that I realized sometimes I had to,

and I did a lot of reading as well as a lot of work, and sometimes it was a simpler version of a habit that we can create that can shift that inner critic

from being so loud, and the loudest time it is is falling asleep or two o'clock in the morning. I discovered the power of visualization

and neuro-linguistic programming where language makes a difference, and so I was using the same one every night

to build a pathway into acceptance and grace for myself. But then I realized there's a couple of other things. I loved the four agreements with Don Miguel Ruiz,

and I felt I can practice that, right? I'm just gonna practice that, which of course is so good. Be impeccable with your word.

And don't take things personally, and don't make assumptions, and just try to do your best. I felt that's a code I'm going to put in my brain,

so it's at the front of my brain. And the second thing I started doing was my gratitude every single morning and night.

It's the last thing I do and the first thing every day, every single day. I'm incredibly grateful for my life, my health,

my love of my family and my friends and my dog. Do you write it down, or do you just say it in your head? No, it's the same one every day.

Although I might add a few more bits to it, like I've just had the grandkids for a few days and there's a bit of extra gratitude going in there.

And I felt that that's a shift, and I know it might sound corny, but it's not. If you start with that, you're unconscious,

you're really deeper. 'Cause that's what I had to do a lot of work around, what is consciousness?

It's not just what we think we hear. It's so much deeper than that, and the unconscious is always listening

and is striving for us to be a better person. And unless you can quiet that other noise, you can't hear where it's calling,

'cause it's a whisper, not a shout. And I started to tap more and more into that. And then the workshops I was doing with women,

particularly our women's retreats, where I could see that I thought I was teaching them. But there were times stuff came out of my mouth

that I didn't know where it came from. Channeling. And it was beautiful truth.

And it was the right word at the right time, and suddenly I realized I need to get out the road a bit and not think I'm the person who's,

and that's really led a lot of my work, 'cause I surrender to the highest part within myself, and I surrender to it 'cause I know that I can trust it.

And also, it isn't just about me being a good human, it's about how can I make the world a better place. That is my number one motivation, that's why I'm here.

And that's really what I think. Every now and then, there'll be something that happened, and I went, you know, how did I?

There was no one doing parent talks in schools. Anyway, a principal said, "I love the way you talk about failure

"and things like that. "I think parents might like to understand "that it's not all bad.

"Can you come?" And I said, "Sure, I'm a teacher, of course I can do that." And only about 30 people turned up,

and then he rang me the week after and said, "All the parents who didn't turn up want you to come back." Their loss, their loss. And I said, "Oh."

I said, "Okay." And then I did that for a while, and then one of my sons,

I love it when a couple of my sons have said things that have shifted the direction of my career. One said, "Mom, I pay 50 bucks to go and see

"Kevin Bloody Wilson at the pub. "Why don't you just invite people to pay "to come to your own events?"

And I went, "Oh, okay." And that created another pathway that wasn't out in the world, and I love that, right?

And then another one, I did a project for the state government in Western Australia about resilience, and I researched it,

but then I created the model, and then I'd worked out, and apparently it was, anyway, the head of the department sent me an email saying,

"This is one of the best-researched projects "I've ever been able to see, "and the success has been profound."

And I showed that to one of my boys, and he said, "Well, obviously you need to do more of that, Mom." Good advice, son.

Don't you love that feedback, right? And so that's when I decided to write my first, I'm willing to listen to the voices of small people,

and that's why so much of my books, especially around boys, I have their voices. I want their voices.

I'm not speaking on their behalf. I'm speaking with them. And that's one of the things that makes a difference

is it doesn't matter how much I've read of all the experts. I want their voice front and center, and I want to be a person who helps lift those voices.

And it's the same with teenagers. And when I did the research for Help Me Help My Teen, what was really, we put it out when doing a survey.

40% were boys. No one nudged them. Mom didn't go say, "Why don't you fill it?"

They'd found it themselves. And then I had voices from Ukraine, Korea, South Africa, Poland, Ireland.

Beautiful. How the freak did they hear about it? So can you see in a way that has helped to lift it,

even though now the algorithms don't let my blogs each month be found 'cause I'm not outrageous and I'm not naked and I'm not swearing.

Well, also you're against big tech, but it's gonna make... Well, I've still got, I want to wake up one day and I'm not there.

Yeah. Yeah, so they make too much money out of me. Yeah, amazing that you're listening

to universal consciousness and allowing that through. And I think that's the one, Layne is like that. Like if she will go in these huge channels

where I know that she's almost left her body with truth bombs and the room is like, you could hear a pin drop.

And I'll say to her at the end, like, "That was amazing." And everyone's like, there's people moved and we're not the jump around and shake style.

It's just, you sit there and you take it in and something shifts. And I'll say, "That was amazing."

I have no idea what I said. Someone might come up to me after a thing and say, "So what did you just, I said no idea."

Yeah, don't ask me. Should have recorded it. Yeah, exactly.

I feel like we could sit here for hours and have this conversation. And I'm so grateful for your vulnerability

and openness and just the gift that you are to this world.

And I feel like you've provided us with a half a dozen toolkits. But when it comes to silencing the critic,

I feel like that's the most beautiful gift that we can share with our listeners is the fact that you've been able to listen to other people's voices

and elevate those and share those voices. I really feel it comes back to the fact that you were willing to actually liberate your own

and not listen to your mother's voice and your mother's story projected upon you. Once you actually started to own your own story

and craft your own story, that's when you're able to be the most beautiful, incredible gift that you are to the world.

I feel like that's one of the greatest gifts that we can give everybody is having the courage. I also think it's that authenticity that,

I think, how can you be trusted? And that's why sometimes I do share about the fights I have with my chin hairs.

Your chin hairs. And then I've got my bathers on inside out or I've got lost because I'm just an all human, right?

And I have muck up moments as a nanny. And you would think Maggie Dent would get her shit sorted by now.

Mary Dent. Yeah, right? Mary Poppins.

Right, because there is no perfect in life. And I think the other thing is embracing those failure moments as a learning opportunity

instead of seeing it as something wrong with us. And I can't remember which workshop that helped me with that but it also helped me as a teacher.

That when you don't get the grade you wanted, let's explore what's going on. 'Cause it might've been me not delivering the content,

not you not taking it on. Kids would go, what a teacher, thinking that we could have some feedback

around how she delivered the content. That really mattered to me, right? And getting feedback from the kids

and letting them have voices in those classes influenced the way the class ran so they felt safer. And the vulnerability of being able to ask for help

was easier for everyone, including the boys. Yeah, you wonder what are people afraid of? And is that feedback, 'cause the growth exists,

'cause you have to do something, you have to look at yourself differently. Yeah, it's exactly that.

And decide what you do and what you don't want to take on. No, but if we see it through the lens of criticism, instead of the lens of facilitation to help me grow,

it's just which lens you put on. I think that's what I want around, that's what I want to do again for mothering our boys

was about giving women the lens with which to see boys through a slightly different lens. You will automatically change your behavior.

And yeah, no judgment, and you know how that turns up. Softens you, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it?

I did, well, I'm 71, but yeah, I'm still recovering. I still haven't got my seniors card. She's a recovery, what?

You should have got that at 65. Yeah, look, there's a part of me that still doesn't want to own that I'm a super senior.

You don't have to, and that is very important for your neural pathways, you know? It keeps you young and fresh, you're not a senior.

I get it, I get it. You wrote your 21 lessons of 71. Do you know them off by heart,

or can you read them out for us? No, no, but I'd love to read them for you. Would you read them for us?

I sat down and said to myself, ah, okay, I'm 70, now let me have a few thoughts. Some of them corny, but thank you for letting me do this.

I would love, I would really, I just, you're such a wisdom of truth for all of us, and it is a gift that you give this to the world, so please.

So what is this list? So it's, I had a reflection day. I own every big O one, I definitely have a,

I go internal, and I thought, I'm gonna write the things that I've realized. And some of them I realized early,

but some of them I've only realized late then. So this is a 21 things. Life is precious.

Laughter is the best medicine. Failure can be a great teacher. No one is perfect, absolutely no one.

No one can make me feel anything. I choose my feelings. What other people think about me, it's none of my business.

Every choice you make has a consequence. Some good, some not so good. Sunrise and sunset are moments to be savored.

My sister makes the best pavlova in the family. It was a competition I failed. Cooking for those I love makes me happy.

Nature is the best place to find truth and solace. Fairness and kindness starts within me. This too shall pass, hard things and beautiful things.

Dreams do matter. You are never defined by your looks or your grades. Everyone matters, no matter what.

Never delay moments of joy just in case your time on earth ends. Becoming a mother changed my life for the better.

The answers to all my questions lie within me. Gratitude matters. Unconditional love is life's greatest gift

to give and receive. Beautiful. It just poured out.

We had a competition for the pavlova. I am the best sponge cook maker and she's the best pavlova. Good to know.

Maggie, wow. Thank you. Thank you for today's awakening for both Layne and I.

You've just given us, sometimes you just need affirmations, or I do. That you're doing the right thing

and you're doing this to help humanity and that's why we emit so much of our time and energy to it.

And then you meet someone further along the line and if we could be half the woman you are in the next few years, then my goodness,

what a gift that is. And thank you for what you do for parents, for humans and for our future generation

because we really do need your channeling, your advice and your wisdom. And we need your truth, your voice without the inner critic.

It does make me feel kind of humbled. So I don't like awards and things except this year I was given an honorary doctorate

at the University of Wollongong. And it really hit me quite emotionally because my dad was my ally.

He was my safe connection person, not my mom. And he was an agricultural scientist. And I guess any time I did something good,

'cause he also won an English prize, so he was a bit arty like me. Whenever I'd write a really good story

or write a good poem or something, he'd go, "That's my girl." And so when I stood up to receive that,

I was in front of like 250 arts graduates. And that afternoon I'd realized it's 50 years since I graduated with an arts degree

from University of Western Australia. And I just thought, wow. And I thought as I left, I could just hear my dad say,

"Well done, girl." That's my girl. That's my girl. And that was literally, partly because he was the intellect

who had the degree and things, but he's given me the strength to believe in dreams and to also be the humanitarian I am

and have the outrageous sense of humor I have. And I think both of them are looking down on me. Yeah, what's his name?

Well, everyone called him Bill, but his name was Harry Lance, which is so weird.

On the farm, they renamed him. And it's just so funny 'cause he was actually a shire president of our local shire for 28 years

and actually was still serving when he died. And he's so, a small community and how you're involved in small community

is embedded in my psyche that everyone mattered. And we all helped each other out, whether it was bushfires, crops, somebody had a car accident.

Everyone turned up regardless of who you were. Well, that's the voice you should be listening to. Well, Bill, this one is for you and that is your girl.

And what a wonderful girl she is. We're going to link everything in the show now. You got me, thank you.

Thank you both so much and for the work you're doing. And I am gonna hand over some stuff that I know will validate everything you're doing as well,

because now my turn as the old crone is to exit stage left and encourage the next ones to come forward. And I do that with great respect

for what you've been doing. Thank you. Oh, thank you. We can carry the torch and shine the light that you've shone on.

Definitely. To make it brighter, then our job is done, so. Yeah. Thank you, thank you Maggie.

Sunshine saved my life too. And I'm so grateful for that ray of sunshine that saved yours, so. Oh yeah, huge.

Yeah, if you need more Maggie in your life, which we all do, we're all in tears, but we will link all of these in the show notes.

She has some wonderful seminars with Dr. Bill, Billy Garvey as well, who's coming on the podcast soon. So we'll put all of that there.

Please come along, bring your loved ones, bring your dads. Bring your brothers. Bring your sons. Lots of kids.

Bring your pavlova. Free content as well. Is there pavlova there? No, sorry. She's not invited. Sorry.

That's okay. Let's get Maggie's vlogs out there. We have loved this episode.

Thank you, Dream Team. Connect with yourself, go and get a sunshine break and know that you are not alone in this.

We love you, we'll see you next week. Toodles! Awake is the center of human performance.

So if you wanna bring more energy, motivation, and connection to your team. Reach out to us at [email protected].