Erika Heynatz on Becoming the Creative Director of Your Life

raw life lessons, expert wisdom, and practical tips to help you stop sleepwalking through life and start living it on your terms. You ready to wake up and thrive? Let's go. Hello. So, our intent today is really just to hold you tightly, to share your story and your awakenings as well, that people get to see the gift that we see every day, cuz helping people help themselves is like our ultimate mission. So, we

rebuilding my life. And one of the things I did every day was watch the sunrise. And my absolute gift in that is you. It happened to be your safe place as well. And our friendship started really slow. And it didn't matter what time the sunrise was or if we missed it that day. We just seem to always put ourselves together or the universe did. And you were such a gift to my healing. And I had no idea that you could connect that deeply with someone around everything else cuz there was we went into co there was no work. There was we were both rebuilding our lives. I didn't know you from a previous life. I didn't watch any of your shows. So I didn't know what you were in. Thank God. [laughter] But what I did see was this incredibly beautiful woman from the inside out who showed up with grace, with humor, with grit, and just this profound sense of self-awareness inside herself. And I didn't know that you were going through such a hard time in your health journey at that point. And you would let me in, but it felt like you were going through a really inward process. So a I wanted to open with just gratitude for you and also grace. What was happening for you at that time? Oh goodness. I mean, first of all, I want to say thank you very much for because I feel like it was I mean, sometimes life offers you incredible collisions, like just chance collisions and yeah, I think um yeah, just that chance meeting and as you say, finding that little moment where it was just the beginning of the day before anything had been before we'd been overwhelmed by any any other influence that we were able to meet, watch the sunrise, look at the ocean, and check in with one another. And to check in with a stranger is kind of a hard thing, but you also I think there was something really nice about that because it's like you don't have any preconceived ideas. You don't get the baggage of the family or or any of those any of those other issues. Did you just have a neck brace on at the time? No, but I was very Yeah, she was a little bit thunderbird. [laughter] I was like, "Hey, look, there's a whale." And interestingly, like I I think when I first laid eyes on Tess, I did I wasn't aware of what was going on physically. Of course, you held yourself so well. Um but I think for me probably going like if I cast my mind back to it, I was having like I was just in a a real funk

yeah probably yeah I can't identify one one particular thing from that period other than just yeah really questioning my contribution like what my worth was in the world. Um, and I know that TESS was a really great sounding board for me in terms of really exploring what it was that I really wanted to do. Um, what what my heart's desire was. Was I worthy of chasing that? Um, and there yeah, there was a lot of there was a lot of doubt. Um, and I think my uh my family situation at the time was really uh was really unhealthy. Um, and that wasn't helping. Um, I didn't feel supported. And it was interesting as as we've identified that somebody somebody that just breezes into your life can can make you feel held and make you feel safe and say, you know what, you got this. You got this. It's all going to be okay.

talented woman we don't want money your problems [laughter] but you had over 20 years of being cast for how you look, not how you felt. Seen and never heard. Seen and never heard. And you were conceptualizing this idea of a show that drew light on beauty from the inside out, but with humor and grace, which is literally you. And I had the absolute privilege of seeing that show 5 years later with my stepdaughter. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, I wish every woman got to see and hear that beauty. what that sort of industry does to someone's soul. What was it like being at the cold face of just being assessed a by you because I I because I remember that because I said, "Okay, I've got this idea." And then you talk around it and Tess has of course gone, "Okay, we'll cough it up." [laughter] No, no, I don't want to. I don't want to. And then and I just gave her like a like an elevator pitch and handed over and she was like, "Great. Okay, now what? Let's go." And it was that and I think just that initial thing of handing it over to somebody um handing the baby over was so hard for me. Um but I knew that it was such an important thing. It was going to be such a cathartic experience for me and if I didn't do it I was going to it's a little bit like dying with a secret kind of go well I'm never going to I'm never going to tell my truth am I? And I you only get one chance for you don't get one chance at it but there's there's a moment where you do take the bull by the horns and go all right let's ride. But to to Tessa's question around being assessed, like we've both been judged our whole lives. I I actually made a profession out of being judged as an athlete. Sick, isn't [laughter] it? Yeah. Sick mentality. We were judged so differently, though. Like, I mean, I was judged, but we were both judged to a particular criteria, whatever that was. The other elephant in the room was judged not only by how you surf, but how you looked in a bikini surfing, which other surfers wouldn't have.

model I know April you know April how do you deal with first you you go and present yourself to a casting and you don't get the role and you know that is 99.9% of the time right and you don't even know why how do you reconcile that it's really difficult and I think um one of the great things about and I always like to look The positive part of it is that it's essential in in this business and and the one that April's in um is it's essential for resilience. If you don't get used to being rejected, then you are not going to survive. It's a simple fact. Um and you have to make sure that you realize that it's not personal. I find it still really hard today. I submit for castings all the time. and you think why not why why is there not just the courtesy of thank you so much you did a lovely job but we're actually looking for a brunette or we're actually looking for somebody that's you know a different ethnicity or a different age different shape whatever it is and so it's really hard in the infancy of this this gig that to not take it personally um but I think what's essential is that if you lose yourself in the joy of the role like if I I got a script last night and I thought oh my god I can't wait to do this and already in my mind if I've gotten the script I've already gotten something. They've already sent me that script. I've already for me that's a win. They want to they want to see me. And I think that's that's a really important thing to keep in mind. But the rejection is it's always going to take a toll. But I think as time goes on, you kind of you get used to it. You get used to it. And there's been times when I felt almost reptilian because it's just the rejection has been so thick and fast. But then when you get the win, I mean, it's it's amazing. It's amazing feeling. You would know that it's There's no better feeling. And knowing that you I think you have to I know it's an oldfashioned point of view, but I think you have to earn it. And I there's lots of kids who kind of say to me, you know, they just expect that they can walk into a television role that they're getting I want to be in television and then they're disappointed that they don't get the first job. Like this is this is part of it. Like you have to earn your stripes. You have to earn a reputation. And it is hard one and it is beyond the physical. I think that people walk into a room and they're a beautiful girl, but what else, babe? What else? What else you got for me? And I know that. Where's that grit?

do that. So the next day I turned up, knocked on their door, got their mail, and I said, "I missed the casting. I heard about it. I wasn't offered the do like wasn't offered the opportunity, but I'd like to I'd like to give it a go." And Julie Ward said, "All right, come outside. I'll grab a cameraman. Come in here." Went out. She said, "All right." And she just spitball me and then she went, "You're perfect. Let's go." Wow. And it was just, I think, having the courage to go like I just There was something in me that went, I know I can do that. Where does that come from? Um, I think it comes from years of rejection and refining. Refining. No, but you didn't have it then. It was your first job. Like you had But I'd had I'd had years of experience with with modeling and fashion and rejection. But I was like this I there was something in me that thought I actually have I have an opinion. I have something to say. And I and I felt like this was a perfect vehicle to be a face of hell being health and wellbeing, but also to put a voice to what I think is important. I I'm really invested in health and wellbeing. It's a big part of my life and I knew that. So I Yeah, I think the rejection is part and parcel of it and it is just about finding something else within yourself that you value and honor above this. Otherwise, you're screwed. Yeah, you really are. It was so interesting, Erica, cuz as I was like researching you just to Google, but it was all around like [laughter] it was all around how does she get those rock hard abs? And there was nothing around like how did you find that grit and that grace to face rejection or the mindset tools that you use daily? Like what is it that you wish people asked you in those interviews? Not what you put on your face or how you wash your hair, but what is it that you wish was the message that was asked? It's funny because in the show that I wrote and

Body Blitz what are your top hits? what's my day on a plate and you just kind of like it's your eyes roll in different directions and it's just and you can just spew out the same information but of course that's what they assume women are interested in but you know you you would love for I would love for someone to have said what makes you tick what are you reading like the questions that you ask like what's what are your non-negotiables what what make what describe a situation where you thrive something that's actually going to have an influence on a woman in a way that's going to go beyond actually just going home and torturing themselves and going, "Okay, well, I've got to buy a set of kettle bells. I need a weighted vest. I need a new pair of hot pants. And I need a scrub. I need a face scrub." [laughter] the chal well the the thing that I perceive is that beauty and brains is almost a poison chalice because when you're beautiful and talented talented and intellectual people don't know how to deal with that to a degree and therefore it's not it's not encouraged it's not celebrated it's not elevated so they they reveal the true essence of of their perception of it and go well tell me about you what's on your plate Yeah, let's keep it deeply superficial. [laughter] And it's interesting too what I what I discovered when I did start to move into areas where my voice was a part of the package. Yeah. Um that it it was deemed to be threatening. Um isn't that fascinating? And also like it turned into certainly as I've gotten older difficult um opinionated all of those things which I mean I'm kind of like yes difficult. Yes, opinionated. Yes. I see those as all positive things because I don't want to have a conversation that's just all pleasantries. I want to have a conversation with somebody that like I love it when someone disagrees with me. Teach me something I don't know. Let's talk about it. Like let's spar. Let's go.

yeah you've you've got the wrong girl here. You invited me here. I'm you got me on this job and you get all of me. You don't just get Yeah. You don't just get the glossy facade. It's both of you. And the reason why Lane said Tiger, what did you loose? Loose Cannon. Is that's how she was known in the industry. That's how I was identified. Yeah. Yeah, the loose the surfing industry always referred to me as a loose cannon. You got the merch to prove that. [laughter] We will now. Kind of like that. That's a stocking stuffer. [laughter] But that loose cannon created change. Um like pay equity, challenged the status quo. I stood up and spoke up and never gave up. And I've had that experience. And it's tricky business. It is because you become very unpopular. very um and that I think too being a woman in this business and and having an opinion and and having one that doesn't necessarily resonate with everybody um or challenges yeah it can create turbulence in in the workplace but also I know that when I have done it I've had to think about the women because now at 50 I do have to think about the the legacy that I leave beyond what you know just just what is the super you have to you want to I want to like I want to leave a fingerprint. That's that's important. And and thinking about what's their experience of this business similar to you, what is their experience of this business going to be? Do they do I want them to inherit the business that I've been in? Do I And there's Yeah, there's a there's a lot of ugly stuff that goes on um that I think deserves to be spoken about, deserves to be challenged, and deserves to be overthrown. Yeah, I love that. As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micronutrition has [music] an amazing product called Sleep Support. It has three different types of magnesium powder and passion flour, which [music] just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do get as a mom. So, visit [music] micronutrition.com.au AU and use the code awake 10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years and I've constantly been looking for something to [music] help me create mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine. But [music] cortiseps, turkey tail, jinseng, ginko, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really [music] natural good stuff and it's good for you. So if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, wake up is your pill. You'll find it on our website, awakeacademy.com.au. [music] You know, I don't even know where Erica, it feels like when you were on that stage, you were owning all of the crazy things that we've done in the face and the name of beauty in what other people have expected of us as women. like cuz I don't think anyone's been told to um spread their legs and pout in the way. See that's also that's painting a really strange picture for somebody who hasn't been hasn't been to the show. Um so when how did it feel when you were expressing these things when you were writing it when you knew you had created a show that was going to empower other women how did that feel and what was that like expressing that

were the thing and it was the only time really that women had been making more money than men in any business like they were absolutely blitzing it. So I love that as a title and it also gave me an opportunity to look at the business and my my career from early ages through to now and it really looks at the commodification of women's self-esteem and agism as an industry and the impossible beauty standards the impossible expectations of perfection um and also the role that I have played in that because of course I'm complicit in all of the lies all of them [laughter] and I've made a business out of it. I've survived, monetized, and thrived in that business. [laughter] And so you kind of go, well, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. What's going? So, it's a really, it was a really great opportunity for me to look at the ugly side of the business and also reveal to other women because I don't think any of these societal expectations are unique to me. It is a unique perspective. My mind as being in the role of a, you know, playing a a professional model, an actress, and in the entertainment industry, that is unique to me. And I thought to myself, well, people were just going to go, well, I I can't relate to this. But I think that it is every female's experience, the pressure that that we experience, uh, the standards that we're expected to uphold to a professional level. All of us are under that pressure. And I guess the thing that was I was excited about was to um allow myself to be seen and allow myself to to tell some of the stories from my perspective. Not all of them are great. a lot of them are really tricky. Um, and to know that women would relate to those. Um, and to I guess strip back the glossy facade and to lose the armor and to tell the truth. And it's it's my truth. But yeah, I just felt like there was it felt [sighs] very exposing um because I wrote the show, I produced the show, I crafted the show, I made all the props and made an infomercial for it, did all of the things. So, it's my entire heart and my entire story on the line. Um, and did anyone come and watch it? Yeah. Sold out three shows.

thing that you're going to open yourself up to?" And you said, I can't even remember. [laughter] I think um yeah I don't remember the exact words but I know that it was a it's a big thing for me to be vulnerable to that level really big um um I think because so much of my life has been performative and about aesthetics um and it felt really dangerous for me to show the ugly bits the you know for one of a better word the wart It's an all story. Um, and I know because it isn't, the show isn't pleasant in parts, right? Um, and it's confronting in parts and I thought, oh, people are going to want to come and see a beautiful girl lounging on a piano singing a smoker song. Um, and it's not that in parts. There are parts definitely where it's like that. I mean, I have sex with a hamburger, so like there's there's bits. Um, there's definitely lots, but there's fun to be had and and I fall down the stairs. There's all kinds of things going on. You could have sold out way more shows. I know, right? Even sex with a hamburger. [laughter] I didn't put that in the brochure. People were like, "What is happening here?" And I had to explain some of the themes to to some of the men, but I Yeah. What's going on here? Why why choose that? Um, but it was a real I mean, as I said, like it was a moment of cathosis me being able to go through those things and show parts of myself that I'd never shown before. And there's there's shame in there and there's there's a whole bunch of stuff that I hadn't made friends with and it was just like absolutely forfeiting myself and just putting it all out there. I was just like, you know what, don't leave nothing behind. And that's what you said to me on on the phone. You said, okay, I couldn't remember. I was like, you said, welcome to the elephant. Don't forget because I'm like yellsburg cheese. Nothing but holes in my memory. [laughter] I when it's deep and meaningful, like I am allerg. Yeah. No. [laughter] And you said, "I'm I'm ready to be seen." Okay. And that was so profound cuz I knew the journey that you had been on to find the conf inner confidence to write a show, to produce a show, to get funding for a show. Like that was my funding by the way. Yeah. [laughter] Bankrolled by me. And that is empowering in itself. Like you work so hard for that. You just touched on something and I want to go into that. You said you made friends with shame. How Um, I I think there's no other way but just to sit in it and and know that it's just a part of the human experience. Um, [clears throat] and I don't think I'm alone um in talking about um shame associated with early sexualization or shame around consent. Um, I think they're topics that a lot of women can relate to. Um and I yeah I wondered at the time even just performing that in front of my husband and close friends. Um but I think if you and writing music I think to pour your heart in it and to be really truthful about it. The music director that that worked with me on the show Vicky Falcon said this is a beautiful song a beautiful moment. Why am I playing the piano? And I was like, "Well, because who else is going to play the piano? [laughter] You know how to play the piano? I do not know how to play the piano. I can play the recorder badly." [laughter] And and I said, "I don't play the piano." She said, "But this will hit different if you play if you play it." And I was like, "Okay, so we've got a minute before." And she said, "No, I'm going to lend you a keyboard. I'll get one from the Hayes Theater. Sit down." And it means that it'll take some of the nerves away from it. And it'll mean that you can really invest in hearing yourself and really ground you. And that too felt really exposing, but it meant that I could just really sort of surrender to it and just feel feel all of the subjects I was talking about. Shame and blah blah. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. It's like watching you talk about it now in retrospect. You were going through your own awakening

parmenopause journey was quite hard for you as well. Such a kick in the dick. Such an idiot. [laughter] My god. [gasps] I'm sorry. I'm not selling it well, am I? Sorry, guys. No. And I actually hearing both of your stories around permenopause and menopause has made me quite frightened of it. And I'm trying to overcome that. We are hoping to strike fear into the hearts of everybody. [laughter] Yeah. No, I'm really How was that for you in a finding your voice and b finding something that worked for you? Cuz you suffered from insomnia. Oh god, that's anxiety, depression. Yeah, all the things. I I got the full smogus board of all of the side effects. Um, how long for? Oh, I think that I was going through pmenopause for about 5 years before I started doing anything about it. It was a a friend of a friend who gently sort of said, "Oh, I I think I think maybe it's time you go and see a doctor. I think maybe because I thought I was losing my mind. I just I felt like my body had completely betrayed me. I felt like I Yeah, I just felt like I was losing my mind and I felt like I was losing my grip with my friends, but everything was shifting for me. My my relationships, my work, how I felt about everyone and everything shifted and that felt really scary for me. But then afterwards, like upon reflection, I actually now know that I feel like these are the relationships that I want to be having. These are the opinions that like I've formed really solid opinions and I'm um I feel like I have so much more autonomy. I have such a stronger sense of my own voice, what I believe in, and it they are non-negotiable to me. Some of And I think it's just that thing where I've gone, you know what, like I'm not going to do things the old way. is such a such a profound change for me but for the better. Right. But at the time it was quite painful. Very painful. Unsettling. Oh my god. Yeah. How long did it take you to get help LB? Uh still I haven't really. Yeah. [laughter] It's on my to-do list. Yeah. Preparing menopause. Metopause. Yeah. Just keep slathering on the crane. Same [ __ ] Different day. But also knowing that it does it like it's not just a a year or two. Like it's a long process. You got time. You got time. Well, I've been in menopause for 10 years. Yeah. So, I feel like I had chronic fatigue twice. I skipped the glandular fever phase and went straight into chronic fatigue. I feel like I've done the same with menopause. I skipped that permenopause phase and just went straight into menopause. Straight into the hairy bits. It's just Yeah. [laughter] Or the dry hairy bits. Yeah. I feel you. I feel you. Oh my goodness. So, it's it's a challenge and and dissecting what what is right to do, what's wrong to do, what's the best way to navigate this. It's just about listening to your symptoms and honoring how you're feeling and then getting the help that you need. Absolutely. But it's just really hard to find the right help. But it is, as you say, it's really great that you said that just I don't that that moment where you go, I have to really slow down and really listen to what's going on. And when you do, like your body tells you exactly what time it is. But I think for a lot of women, we just push through it. We're in complete I shouldn't say all of us. I felt like I was in denial of a lot of it. That's not me. That's not possible. I couldn't possibly be. And then all of a sudden like of course I am. Yeah. You say, "Of course, of course that's what's going on." And to embrace it and go, "All right, this is what I'm working with." Um, and then all of a sudden the opport like the right things come to you, the right healing modalities come to you, the right friends come to you to support you. What are the right healing modalities for you? what came um for me it was things like Chinese medicine. I'm I'm on hormone therapy replacement which has been amazing. Um but that's also like I take a ton of supplements. I shake when I like I rattle when I walk. Um for me it was breath work, meditation, um a few things that I just I can't go without. Like I just I go a million miles head first into the world. So I've had to really learn how to ground myself, really slow down.

that one piece body? [laughter] Cuz that's what I wear these days. But I I want to know what is on your in your tool kit that you do like maybe your morning routine and your night routine from a mental health perspective. Um first thing I do when I wake up is I try and listen to some affirmations. I know that's um I try and do some breath actually neuroscience. Yeah. So that's for me to get up because I am guilty of having a lot of negative talk loop cycles going and it starts as soon as I wake up. I find if I just chuck on some headphones and put in some affirmations that's really helpful to me. I then try and do some breath work or some meditation. Um, I'm one of those girls that sort of got to get up, make the bed, brush my teeth, and get kind of locked into routine. Um, if I'm down, I mean, I do lemon juice and water and a coffee before I do anything just to kind of fire up. Um, I make sure that sunlight is in my face as soon as humanly possible. I need to be near I'm like really fortunate that I live near the ocean and I feel like that's shoes off, walk the walk by the ocean if I can or run the dogs and I I make I try and make sure that there isn't anything in my ears [clears throat] so that I am completely immersed in my surroundings. I'm not bunkered down with anybody else. Like I as soon as I've done my affirmations, that's kind of it. Then I come back and I I can listen to a podcast or something while I do all the mundane chores of kid life and family life and all the rest of it. And nighttime wise and I have to exercise is really important to me. That's a real brain buzz. It gets me um gets me thinking it gets it makes me focused um and it gives me a really positive feeling. It's a real energy boost. Um nighttime wise um I same sort of thing. I think for me a hot bath is a a really good thing. It's taken me a while to, but I do that with my little nine-year-old boy. We jump into the bath together. Um, that's something that really soothes me. And reading to him is soothing. And again, if I can listen to something before I go to bed, a meditation or waves or something like that. What was that? That was a wave meditation. You know, like those that, you know, the the binaurals beat by and by I can never say it. You know what I mean? Byebye. Bye. City bibs. But yeah, some of those. And then I thought you had a Flem or something. That too. This is also something. Yep. [laughter] So that's kind of my nighttime drill. Yeah. What it'll be from a par menopause menopause perspective. What has helped you? So similar to Erica that that the mental chatter it just gets overwhelming and really loud and drowns out any joy, any positivity and any levels of confidence. So, so is that a permenopause thing? No, it's a menopause thing. No, I feel like the I don't know about you, but I feel like the overthinking, the catastrophizing really ramped up a notch or 10 in per menopause. Yeah. Is that right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pmenopause is pretty severe around. Yeah. So, the catastrophizing, the anxiety, the um the brain, [laughter] the brain fog. The brain fog thing was insane. That was just that was yeah that was really I noticed that a lot with you at work. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. It was just that can be crippling I think particularly if you're somebody that prides yourself on being sort of on the ball sharp and I love being super prepared and it's you just you feel you feel like an idiot. Yeah, I did. Especially when I'm standing on stage as a motivational speaker and then the word just disappears just like Yes. I did this amazing workshop with a whole group of um women who were writing a new musical and it was so fun cuz everybody was in permenopause or menopause and we would and they like rapid fire the whole day and then someone go it and then we'd all chip in. No, no, not that word. No, no. And finally, and it take us like 10 or 15 tries and the pen would boom. The weight gain was a [ __ ] Especially as a woman who's paraded around in a bikini her life. The minute I got that band around the lower abdomen, I was like, "The barrel." Yeah, the wine barrel. The wine barrel. Yeah. [laughter] I mean, I did drink a lot of wine as well. So, I think, yeah, I definitely I earned my wine barrel. [laughter] Um, yeah. So, that's the other thing, too, that I found has been really helpful for me to try and do alcohol-free days during the week because I think when I was really in the thick of it, that was kind of my go-to. I go, I'll have a couple glasses of wine and then I'll just be sued and then it would destroy my sleep and I'd be an absolute lady dragon the next day and going, "What's wrong?" Yeah. So, I think, you know, I certainly I certainly give myself a muggy or two or two on the weekends, but I think that winding that back is a big as a habit has really helped me and the hot flushes and the insomnia. Yeah, it's great being a woman. Honestly, guys, you're really looking forward to wait. what I do. But you we sold you the other part of it which is like a really a really clear idea of everything that you want and like non-negotiable. Okay. So what is it that it gave you? What did menopause going through menopause I mean I love it cuz you started talking about menopause and then you got cast in Menopause the musical. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. This is great because I mean the role that I got given for that job was a a soap star who's an aging soap star who's who's in danger of losing her job because another woman was coming behind her to steal her job. Oh gosh. Um and she's [gasps] such a stereotype. So I was like okay that's reality too, right? You just have to embrace it. It was a job. It's a good job. Really good. And I think but what was really good is because it explores that that that classic thing of how our visibility is intrinsically linked to our our aesthetics. Um and if that disappears, what are we worth anything anymore? Are we still a valuable part of the community? And I call [ __ ] I call Yeah, I I call [ __ ] on that. [laughter] And I think what the musical um was great for was really celebrating all the things that that do happen in that period. And you do you you end up with this strong tribe of women who all know what you're going through, who all understand and empathize. And I mean it requires dark humor, that's for sure, to get through it. And you do you do really need to step up, I think, for your mates um during that time. So you get a new

men can be. What have you found in this new mature mentality and mature phase of your life? Were you that dream thief back then and have you flipped? Or were you always the dream team, elevator, celebrator, cheerleader for other women and now seeing just how important that is in ensuring the progression of female empowerment in this world. Um I think given the the nature of the work that I have done I think when you begin it it competition is such a a big part of it and and no like everybody's watching their back and you are it's constantly reinforced to you as it was in in my role in the musical that somebody younger and more beautiful is going to come up behind you and steal the job and I remember I got my very first musical role and I got an understudy and I gave all of my notes to the understudy and this somebody came up they said you don't do that you don't because that's the person that if you fall down the stairs I take a well, if they may push you down the stairs and take your job. And I was like, what? What the what the hell are you talking about? And she's remained such a strong friend of mine. So, but I think that certainly there were times when I I worried about it. But I know now more than ever, the women that I surround myself with have all all have the same the same idea that you actually get more if you bring your allies in closer. I don't believe for a second that women are my competitors. Not for a second. We are all unique. There's there's Yeah. So, I I'm I'm with you. I'm I'm an absolute champion of women. Um and refuse to be sucked into that. I think that's a it's a nice little like gift from the patriarchy. Yeah. Yeah.

hearing you talk with such convict conviction about yourself now. What is your legacy now? Ooh. Um okay. I feel I I feel like if I had an opportunity to tell myself this back when I feel like my legacy might be to to tell other women that you are the creative director of your life. Um that's how I feel now. I feel like at times I've been at the mercy of other people's choices and um other people's expectations, very low expectations of me. Um and now I get to decide. I get to decide what Yeah. I get to decide. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry that wasn't very articulate. It was beautiful because that that [clears throat] power comes with maturity, wisdom, experience, reflection, introspection, all of those things. And we also know that all of the things that we've endured and overcome and succeeded in are just part of the character. They're part of the tapestry of our lives. So being the creative director of our lives going forward relies on that reflection point. So, it's a it's a powerful tool to keep coming back to. It's a beautiful anchor point to land at. And you're never too young and never too old to have that realization. So, thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you. Gosh, creative director. I think we need another t-shirt. Yeah. [laughter] It's going to cost us a lot of merch this year, isn't it? Yeah. Well, thank you for lighting the fire in our bellies today. You have this energy that just makes you want to go out and take on the world, don't you think, Absolutely. Is there is there any other lasting message you want to share with our listeners? I had a lasting message or anything that Yeah. How can they connect with you? Because I think supermodels should be on tour globally. So, if anyone's listening who can make that happen, hit us [laughter] up. Any philanthropic types wanting to donate to the creative arts. Um, so the plan is to try and take this thing on tour and and just um and I'm happy for it to be small and simple and no smokes no smoke and mirrors. That's kind of the strip back version of it. Um, and I just want to experience more of the joy of just creating um creating art. I think that's that's the one thing I have always wanted to do. I've been so lucky to finally step into that and gift myself um yeah, the opportunity to to do what I want to do. Create beautiful art. And what a gift you are. So please if you want to connect further with Erica check out her Instagram which is oh Erica Hanut [laughter] Instagram isn't it or otherwise erica.com. Yeah and I love that and from us to you. Thank you. Um we I'm going to bring you to Supermodel. I can't wait. I'm excited. I want to see you having sex with a hamburger. I know. Like if that doesn't get bums on sneeze. I don't [laughter] I don't know what will. Everyone's missing out. There's a scene in there that hit me the most and it was when you were singing will you still love me when I'm um old and what is it? Oh, it's a Lana Del Ry song. Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? And I do this whole sort of augmentation thing. So I it gets really ugly.

it to any of the other girls listening now is to not believe that your prettiness determines your worthiness, that your value extends so much further and and beyond. And to chase what it is that sets you on fire um to take a risk. And look, it's taken me till I'm 50 to actually take that gamble on myself. And I'm so glad that I have um because I feel more embodied, more empowered, and yeah, I I'm the happiest I've ever been because I took that chance on myself. Um you only get one shot at it. Um so it go for it. That's profound advice, profound wisdom. Yeah, Erica, that was profound. Thank you for taking that risk and encouraging us to do it. We've taken a lot of risk this year and so we're riding the waves with you and leaving a legacy that helps people help themselves. So, thank you. Thanks for having me. What a treat to be here. Toodles. Have you been listening to this episode and thought, "Mike drop. Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist." Welcome to the Awake Collective where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. It is life transformative. [music] Right, LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, [music] then the Awake Collective is for you. So, come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au AU and join us for monthly [music] coaching, a community that supports you, and tools that you can use in your life to thrive. Let's go. See you there.