Can You Be Your Best Self When You're Not Coping?

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selves and live your best life even when you don't feel like it. Let's get into it. Some days your best self looks like momentum, energy, clarity, focus, and all of the amazing habits stuck together. But other days it can look like fatigue, injury, loss, grief, all of these incredible things that happen to us that makes us human. So this episode is for the days where things don't exactly go to plan, which you and I are very familiar of. So, if you've ever wondered whether you're failing or not performing or you're trying to be your best self and you've got life lifing, this episode is for you. What happens when life li lifeings? You get the full human experience. Highs, lows, and everything in between. The [laughter] good, the bad, the messy. Welcome to a wakeup call. I'm Tess. And I'm Lane Beley, AO of Manley. [laughter] And together we are Awake Academy. Uh this is a space where we share real conversations, life lessons, science-backed tools, and the wisdom of life. The wisdom of life where we want to help you know yourself and grow yourself so you can live your best life. Nice. So today, if you are struggling a little bit, perhaps you're injured, you're overwhelmed, a bit burnt out, uh we're going to tackle some of the tools that have helped us rebuild when we want to be our best selves, but we can't. And you don't even have to be overwhelmed and burnt out. You can just feel like something's a little bit off. Yeah. You know, I think we all have that moment in time where we just stop and go, something feels a little bit there's like there's this quiet knowing within us. We're like, niggle niggle. Niggle niggle. Something's off. Need to do something different. I've got a niggle niggle. Okay. Talk to me how you feeling. I'm probably about a five. Probably. Or I'll be I RB a five today.

sweetheart. I'm glowing or glowing? Oh, you're glowing. Oh, that's so kind. Thank you. So, and that's a real growth. Not saying, "Oh, no, no, no." Me saying, "Ah, thank you. I'm proud of you for accepting a compliment. Thank you. That takes a lot of skill. Now, why are you a five? So, in this effort to turn 40, I thought I'd do nothing at all. And then now I've started cramming everything else in which is classic me. Why we Why was nothing at all an option. Uh there's just February is a big month in our family and my life and I thought, oh, I'll just do something small and now it's snowballed. But I'm really grateful that it has. But one of those things is we did a dawn dance at Dy Beach with the Dawn Breaker guys and there was about 600 people on the beach in a silent disco dancing their little hearts and booties out including me. Now I underestimate my injury at times. I feel like because I'm up and I'm walking and I go to the gym and I'm like quite active that everything is all good. But I do crash and burn very easily throughout the week. And I have weekly physio and treatment just to stay stable. But I haven't really danced that hard since before my injury. And I was so excited and happy. Honestly, I haven't felt that happy. You were alive. I was alive. It was like I was with my best friends. My mom was there. um Erica who's rebuilt my soul on so many levels together, you Amy, like it was just such a good vibe. Yeah. And to feel that energy in myself that wasn't fueled by alcohol um was just so special to me. It was just such a nice way to begin the festivities of 40, [laughter] the festival of tests. [gasps] But the next day I woke up and I

hours later and she's like, "Oh, Tess." And just sat with me. and I just wept on the table as she helped me like release some of that pain and that grind because I've basically got a metal um rod that goes down my back. So any movement I look like robot lady at times um it was just too much and the adrenaline kept kicked in and so when all of that wore off I was just left broken on the table and I couldn't parent right. Thursday is my day with Benji and I just needed to put the TV on and I laid there on the table whilst he was watching Bluey. Um, quality television. Yeah, exactly. Was it my episode where we always play the beach? We're going to the beach. There's LA. [laughter] Anyway, it started really hitting me that because it just pulled me out of where I was at, which was quite thriving, energized, and just knocked me down. And then I thought, well, I always play this cost of what's worse or what if or like I always I have the cost analysis. Yeah, the cost analysis. And taking risks has gotten has taking risks as in like going back to the gym and working on myself physically has gotten me a lot of gains, but then I can also have a gap. So I felt like I went 20 steps backwards. Luckily for me, I knew what I needed to do to recover quicker in the pain, but I've still got it. Like, it's a few days later and I'm Last night I didn't sleep cuz my it's now gone down my back and I felt jarred. What does the pain feel like in your body? It feels like a wrench is like on grip and I swell. I have neuropathic pain. I can't think properly. I asked you to make me breakfast this morning because I couldn't eat when I got up because I was just in so much pain. And quite honestly, the thought of coming here and spending 3 hours in the studio was like, uh, I'm feeling pretty raw today. Yeah. It's the last thing you really wanted to do. Yeah. And then I remembered why we do this is that I've been fortunate enough to work with some really good people who've given me the toolkit to to cope when I'm not coping. And that's what today's episode is all about where it's like, how do you be your best self even when you're not coping? Even when you don't feel like it. Yeah. And I laugh because as we're sitting and recording and if you're listening or watching, Lane has got her moon boot up on the table and you and I like to co-life together sometimes. You're going through it, too. Yeah. Well, I've got a sympathy foot.

And I saw that as a weakness and just another thing that I had to overcome. But when I think about, you know, the it's hard for me to actually truly understand the pain you're in unless I can reflect back on the the immense pain that I felt when I had my neck injury as well. [gasps] But pain is pain. You rang me the other day and you had a down day. You had overdone it. Well, similar to you. Um, well, no, maybe not, but you know, as a professional athlete, a world champion athlete, I think I can push through anything and that I can be bulletproof. Now, my physiootherapist has told me I'm supposed to be in this boot four to six weeks. And I said to her, I'm doing it in three. [laughter] And that means for me doing everything I need to do to heal fast. M now when I put my mind to something I can be obviously taga [laughter] I can be very focused so I've eliminated anything inflammatory out of my diet. No alcohol, no sugar, no dairy, no wheat, no gluten. Um I've often having my foot elevated to keep the pressure off it. She told me to only walk in the boot so I'm only walking the boot. Fortunately I've found shoes that have a very similar height to heels so I'm not blowing out my body too much. I have to see a Cairo twice a week. I'm still seeing a physio. I'm

to show up. I had to travel to Queensland to do a keynote. I flew up, went to the event, flew home. And when I got home, it felt like I'd gone to you. similar to you. Five steps back. Yeah. And it shattered me. I felt so despondent. I went in I went into a very negative spiral. I started beating myself up because I'm very committed to competing for my board riders club in a a surf event in midFeb. It's now early Feb. I really want to be there and I'm not going to let the team down. That's why I'm very committed to healing. But when I showed up when I didn't feel like it, um, and I wasn't at my best, but I still showed up because I had to and I made that commitment to, I feel like I've I've let myself down. And you spiraled. I spiraled. And now, and then I started stressing out about the fact that I've just compromised my healing and I've compromised my opportunity to compete and surf again. Yeah. And it's such a reality of like

yourself for me was building an internal GPS like ah that's what happens when you're down head noise goes up. So how do I stabilize myself in those moments? And also recognizing that when you are down and you say the head noise goes up. Yeah, pausing in that and not getting swept up in it is a really powerful moment in time, too, because I know for me that when when the head noise goes up, I can get stuck in that cycle and that story will just continue to loop and I'll be in critic FM for the next couple of days. As a busy mom and an entrepreneur, I am constantly looking at ways I can optimize my sleep cuz when I sleep well, I feel amazing when I wake up. Micronutrition has an amazing product called Sleep Support. It has three [music] different types of magnesium powder and passion flour, which just help me feel a little bit more rejuvenated in the tiny bits of sleep that I do [music] get as a mom. So, visit micronutrition.com.au AU and use the code awake [music] 10 and get 10% off all of their products. Enjoy your sleep. I've been managing menopause for years and I've constantly been looking for something to help me create [music] mental clarity, boost my immunity, and help me show up with more energy. So, we came up with Wake Up. It's only got seven ingredients in it, including a bit of caffeine, [music] but cortiseps, turkey tail, jinseng, ginko, vitamin B, vitamin D, all really natural good stuff and it's good for you. So, if you're feeling a little fatigued and need that little boost, wake up is your pill. You'll find it on our website, [music] awakeacademy.com.au. And that's actually more inflammatory than any food. Yes, you could have just eaten chocolate. [laughter] You didn't. We love Dr. Stacy Sims, but

all of the time. And I love I loved how you say that. So when we when we have these moments that knock us flash and obviously the world wants us to both slow down right now. Yes, that's what it's saying. Slow the down. Yeah. I've had to rewire my brain that rest is not weakness. So who are you when you're not at your best? Uh I feel lost. I feel broken. And I feel sometimes that I I can only just go into a cave and hope that I come out stronger and better. [snorts] That's what happens to me. It's very very visual because I've been there so many times before.

at some of my hospital notes the other day because I was in the head noise and I was just looking back at the journeys. In rehab, you get a week print given to you on a Sunday night. It gets put up on your wall and it's every appointment needed for the week. So you've got all of your physio, your hydro, your rehab, your nutrition, your psychology, like anything that they feel that you need that week is put up and scheduled. Wow. When you're out when you leave that environment and I was in there for 3 months when you leave there and you have to co-design this on yourself that was hard and you would know this yourself like you have a training regime you have everything then you have to go on a quest to start finding who's going to help you your dream team and you want to do everything all at once. So who I am I now is I have a lot of self-compassion and I strip it right back and I sort of imagine myself back in rehab whether it's I need a day sometimes rest you just need one day or you need to slow down for the week. So whilst it was at the time I felt like a failure now I'm like okay it's rehab. Yeah, what do we do? Right. And part of that is understanding the

that I adopted to to heal. It's interesting that when you said the word trying to do everything at once, that's where I reflect on in the week leading up to going up to Queensland. Yeah. I was doing everything at once. the nutrition, the rest, the elevation, the creams, the all the therapies. And then that one day broke that routine. So I I had turned healing into just another thing. Yeah. Process. Yeah. Pushing. Pushing. Yeah. And I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to heal fast. And when that routine got broken, I then put pressure on myself or beat myself up for that. Well, it's incredible because even though you're doing all the right things, you're still in stress. I'm still in fight, flight. Yeah. Fight or flight. The tiger's still coming to eat your ankle. Yeah. I'm still under threat. Yeah. So, and the more stress I have in my body, the more cortisol I have in my body. So, therefore, the more inflamed everything remains. Okay. So, so that's where we were at.

it was I had a swollen metatarsal just a little bit of swelling at the front of my foot and I had it there for a week it didn't impact my surfing I didn't feel it when I was surfing I only felt it when I was running to the beach and back so I thought I can and that's growth for you like you caught it before it became a stress factor yeah I caught it before it's fractured okay let's call that a win hey Yes. Yeah. I caught it before it's fract [laughter] and I'm being a good kid wearing this very attractive moon boot. The way I'd love to pose the question that you just asked our listeners is where are you pushing when your body is asking you to pause cuz when I think about my body my foot was asking me to slow down but I just saw it as a minor inconvenience. So I continued to push past it. And the foot is the anchor to the ground. It's a lack of understanding [laughter] of self. Yes. Where were you? What? Cuz we love to say the body whispers before it screams. Where were the whispers? Did you hear them? If I If I go back to me on the beach dancing with you guys watching the sun come up, I'd go back to that pain any day to have that day. Right. So, I have grace. Yeah. And it's not like it was I pushed myself too hard to get to that day and I broke down. I had none of that. I literally just let my body go. Wow. I have a lot to learn from you. And I will go back there. And sometimes we see pain is, oh, it was, oh, you're in pain. That's so bad. But it was a gift to me that day and I'll hold that for the rest of my life. So yeah, that's the price you pay sometimes. Fair enough. So, I have grace, but [snorts] I'm really what I am the most grateful for is the toolkit.

just what I was doing. I was literally negotiating with my physiootherapist as she was putting the boot on my foot. [laughter] Oh, when can I surf again? Exactly. Oh, you say six. No, come on. Can we do it in three? Yes, I can. [gasps] So, for me, that looked like naming what was happening. I had the day of my life and now I need a rest day. Um, I was conscious cuz I do know that the rest it may take a little bit longer than that. Um, but I was very aware of the fact that I needed to let go of all of my plans and my expectations of what that day was going to look like. So, accepting it saves you energy cuz your body then goes into rest mode straight away. Yeah. It gets you out of the stress response. Journal about it. Let it go. Yeah. Just accept it. Surrender to it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number two, clear the calendar. So I had I only thing I wanted to do was take Benji to swimming lessons and I canceled all other plans. Okay. Um and I sat there pretty broken at swimming lessons but I was there. So delaying what can wait. Um what did you have to do? Did you have to postpone therapy? No. I actually uh I had to postpone a catch up with a girlfriend um and a catch up with another friend. So, I postponed catching up with friends and I prioritized going to the chiropractor that morning, which was always in the calendar and I knew that would be worthy of. I cried the whole time I was there because I was so emotional. It's amazing when you're injured and you're in a space where you know you're held safely and cared for. I just couldn't stop crying. Yeah. And then I know I needed to nourish myself. So, instead of going to Oh, I canceled Pilates um because I thought that's just going to be too hard on me. And I went to the beach and I swam in the ocean. uh just felt so held and so nourished and so safe. It was the true act of surrender. Number three is stock up. So I like to imagine rest as I'm a bear going into a

to vitamin shops, all the supplements and creatine and fix me. Um, sometimes you need medication. I did. Um, my pain was too much. And this is a big one for me cuz I emotionally eat in the past. Is not buying those foods. And I know that that sounds very simple and basic sometimes, but if they're not in sight, then I won't eat them. So replacing them with like a beautiful juices, bone broths, any food that I know is going to help me. So comfort within reach that's good for you. Yes. [laughter] Gotcha. Number four, which you beautifully explained, is fill your cup up. Essentially, this means choosing things that restore you. So, and productivity can be hidden within this, but that's why I chose swimming over Pilates, for example. and then rest. Blocking out time to put my foot up or um have a nap or connect with a therapist. Like just doing things that that fill my cup and restore my soul and immersing myself in the ocean is my restorative place. Yeah. I feel like if I don't have a list of things that I can do to fill my cup up, then I go to the quick dopamine. So like checking social media or like going into that wormhole. So, I really have to focus in on spending time in nature, being outside, jumping in the pool, or just slowing down and picking a movie that I've really wanted to watch for a while that I haven't that isn't about stimulation. So, that's a big one. Fill your cup up gently. Um, if it costs you any energy, this is a good tool. If it makes you feel worse than what resting would, you can't do it. Well, that's the power of disconnection from digital devices. It's amazing. And the minute you look at it, your cortisol and and dopamine is just bing, you know, you're up and you're on and I should I should be doing and your body cannot regulate. Your body cannot decompress. So have the have the discipline or the consistency to know that when you're resting, you need to rest without digital stimulation.

I could suffer in that. Um, so I just messaged her really quickly and said, "I'm in help. I need help." Sos. How awesome is that? Um, I also had a my psychiatrist appointment which I postponed because I didn't want to go deep. M um whereas other times I've messaged my other therapist and said like SOS. So it's knowing what to do at that time, but get help early. Um and know that you don't have to do it alone either. Yeah. And if you don't like the opinion of the first therapist, then get a second opinion if you want to. [laughter] I know when my physiootherapist gave me the opinion that I needed a boot, I instantly went for a second opinion. Yeah, of course you did. And they said the same thing. Yes. So, I surrendered and went through back to stage one, one, two, and three. [laughter] Um, and also you can just journal. Some days I just need to get it out. Um, but getting help is a really good place to start. Um, I was feeling very disconnected from my body. I didn't know what I needed cuz I was so fried. And I actually just went and sat in the grass and did a quick 5minute meditation and I was like, what do I need? Like therapy. Ding ding. Yeah. So, it's amazing what you forget even when you have all of the tools. And worst case scenario or best case scenario, if you're feeling blue, touch green. Yay. Immerse yourself in nature. Or in my case, if I'm feeling blue, touch blue. Immerse myself in the water. Now, this last tool could be one that you use when you're coming out of the cave a little disheveled. You've got mud all over you from your healing process. [laughter] Or it can accelerate your healing, which is pamper, don't push. Yes. Now, most people know the natural, beautiful feeling you get after an everything shower. Oh, yeah. I love an everything shower. Yes. I used to do this back in the ' 90s and I didn't even know it was a thing. Yeah, it's a thing. Cuz I was at an event where it was overwhelming and exhausting and then we ended up with a lay day and I was feeling depleted and I was losing my confidence and I thought, what can I do to nourish myself? How can I pamper myself? I had no money. I had no place to go. So, I went back to my apartment and I had a hot shower and I basically pampered myself. I brushed my teeth. I shaved my legs. I cut my toenails and gave myself a little pedicure. I filed my own nails. Like, I just washed my hair. Yeah. Washed my hair and and then sat out in the sun and just busted in the glory of feeling clean and refreshed and felt so much better. No day spar can give you that. No, not really. [laughter] Sometimes it can. But then a pamper for me also today looks like uh booking in a float tank. Um you know lying in a magnesium bath and just turning off all the lights and being sensory deprived and uh and once again diving in the ocean or booking a massage or just like pushing delays rehealing whereas slowing everything down accelerates it. So finding moments to pamper yourself doesn't actually have to mean going to a day bar. Yeah. And I've actually noticed the more burnt out I am, the more I try and outsource my pampering. [laughter] What does that look like you? Oh, frantically ringing multiple beauty salons to see if they can fit me in for a facial. When really all my body was asking me to do is just desensitize, have a bath, calm down, have an everything shower, and come out better, stronger, and just more centered in myself. Nice. So, yes. So that is our toolkit because I feel like what we've had to do is learn the hard way on how do we re come back stronger, fitter, healthier. I think bouncing back from obstacles, challenges, pain is hard. Yeah. I don't I don't truly subscribe to everything. You know what we've done is through the hard way. It's just through the way that we've chosen. And that has enabled us to learn really valuable life lessons and then share them with people and we share them with each other as well. It's like wow. And someone said, "Oh, do you feel like you have to live your best life every day cuz you talk about living your best life?" And I'm like, "No, I don't because I'm human." Yeah. And sometimes being your best self is

And every day is different. Every day is different. Every day. And it's just accepting that some days I feel good in it and some days I feel sad in it. And I find it really hard to negotiate and navigate my way through that. But we talk about having our dream team and our collection of of people who we can reach out to and seek support. And then sometimes, like you say, I just need to retreat to the cave and take my journal and a box of tissues and write it out instead of letting it out. [laughter] So that to me is really what being your best self is like when you're not coping. It's just the ability to give yourself grace not to be your best self, but to alter. It doesn't mean going to the gym and seeing lots of friends. It it is whatever you need in that moment. So a connection to self really happens in in the mud. It does. Yes. If you have the courage to get in the mud in the mud and get sit in the mud. Pigs love it. Why can't we? [laughter] Because it's not weakness. It's it's a form of leadership. It's a form of ownership and responsibility. And that's how we truly live our best lives. Giving ourselves the permission to sit in it and be messy and be uncomfortable and be sad, be whatever it is that you're being and knowing that this too shall pass. Yeah. God, those pigs look like they're happy when they're rolling in that night. He's a pig in mud. So, this episode really is for all for everyone who is going through something where life is lifing. Um, may you use this toolkit. We'll put up a toolkit actually on a wakeup call Instagram page so you can go back to it. It's crazy what you forget when you're in pain like me forgetting to eat. Um, so go gently. If this conversation did stir up something in you, please call a loved one or reach out to us. Um, or you can join us in the awake collective at awakeacademy.com.au where we share so many more of these tools in an indepth way. Practical tools to help you know yourself, grow yourself to live your best life. Yeah. So, what's your takeaway today,

of myself and to sit back and allow it to happen as opposed to thinking I'm always in control of it. Yeah. What about you? Uh, I just I mean I can't beat that. But I would say to anyone going through it, sometimes it's easier to put yourself into third person and if someone came to you in the position that you were in, how would you what would you tell them to do? You'd tell them to clear the diary, take some time, you'd probably go and get food for them and you'd just give them the space to heal. So please treat yourself as you would do a loved one. And if this episode resonated, come and check out more at Awake Academy. Thank you everyone. and we'll see you next week. Dream Team Toodles. Have you been listening to this episode and thought, "Mike drop. Maybe I'm ready to get coached or have some therapy, but you don't want to go all the way down and get a therapist." Welcome to the Awake Collective, where we do monthly coaching to help people feel accountable, supported, and they keep on doing the work that you hear in this podcast. [music] It is life transformative, right LB? It's a community of support and like-minded people who are willing to keep investing in themselves because what we do is we help people help themselves. If you've enjoyed what you've heard today, [music] then the Awake Collective is for you. So come and join us at awakeacademy.com.au and join us for monthly coaching, a community that supports [music] you and tools that you can use in your life to thrive. Let's go. See you there.